A Story of a Confusing Existence

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I originally wrote this as my biography on the forums, but as it got longer and longer I decided to make it a post!

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My name is Flick.

I grew up on Earth, with humans, but I'm almost certain I'm not from here. I appear human to others, but when I look in the mirror, I see a fluffy animal with big ears and a long tail.

Everyone expects me to act a certain way, but I can't decipher the formula for the answer! I almost suspect they operate as a hive-mind so everyone knows the same things, since they all seem to respond to things in unison. If that is true, I'm actually glad I'm not connected to it -- I really prefer to be an independent thinker than part of a hive.

Now, the humans expect me to do the same things as them, but of course I have no idea what to do, and then everyone gets mad like I'm screwing up on purpose. Whenever I have the option of being alone I take it, and bonus points if there are science books around! I'm fascinated by space and computers, so I want to study how to build and program a spacecraft. Probably won't get too far though, because to get good marks at school you have to be good at *everything*. But English papers really throw me for a loop -- I never know what to write, and when I sit down to try, my heart beats really fast, I sweat, and it gets hard to breathe. My teacher tells me I need to study harder -- because I do so well in science and math, I should be just as good with English, right? So, I must just not be trying hard enough. I cry sometimes, and Teacher says I need to grow up.

Home isn't much better. When Dad's not at work, he just sits and watches TV, and if I disturb him he yells about how much of a burden I am to provide for. Mom's much nicer, but she's often gone on her missionary work, so I don't see her much. I usually sit quietly in my room, reading every book I can get my paws on -- I mean hands -- and try not to bother Dad.

So yeah, here I am! Weirdo nerd (and probable alien) with a lot of emotional baggage!

[1/??]

(Story will continue, but I'm posting the first part now to get it out there~)

welcome, and such a funny name

Hahaha, thank you very much! ^_^

Hello and welcome. By any chance, do you consider yourself otherkin?

No, but I do consider myself a furry! I find animals and fantasy creatures more aesthetically and artistically appealing than humans. From what I've heard, Otherkin believe they actually have an animal soul or something like that.

Also, it's convenient to have an alternative form to visualize not fitting in due to Autism/Asperger's! Y'know, "Wrong Planet" and all!

Hi and welcome, Flick .

After reading the Wikipedia article about Otherkin, the great variety of what it means to each individual makes me think I do actually qualify! That was neat to learn~

Thank you, it's nice to meet everyone! ^^

[Continued from post #1]

My life wasn't all bad though -- sometimes Mom would take me out of town for a week or so and stay in a hotel just to get away from Dad for a while. She was just as abused by him as I was, but she had no idea I was getting it as well: her logic was, "He may be mean to me, but he'd never hurt his own blood!" I don't understand what difference that was supposed to make, but whatever, I had a lot of screwed-up ideas too. But the trips were always fun, I saw a lot of carnival rides and water parks, and we even went four-wheeling in the woods sometimes! In spite of all her mistakes, Mom is the one person in my family who always meant well and tried her best.

Speaking of family though -- enter the demon cousins and hellhound aunt. As overprotective of me as Mom was, she refused to believe family could be a bad influence, so she would often leave me at my aunt's to play with my cousins. Quite a lot of the time we got along well enough, playing outside or with video games. I always liked playing video games at their place because they had way more than I did -- my aunt and uncle bought them new games all the time, while I had to earn my games with my report card and/or allowance. To be fair, I certainly appreciated and cared for my possessions more than they did; I always carefully placed my game disks back in their correct cases and lined them up in order on my shelf, while they just threw them into a pile.

Now, at to why I referred to them as demons and a hellhound -- Looking back, I'm pretty sure the one cousin had some kind of mood disorder, because he would go from perfectly friendly to an absolute jerk at the drop of a hat and just vomit hatred all over me (figuratively speaking). Whenever I asked him why he was so angry or tried to stand up for myself, he would start scream-crying MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY FLICK'S BEING MEEEAAANN! And the hellhound would come storming in and completely chew me out until I was almost crying. As soon as she left, the demon would laugh and swagger over me with smug grins as if he'd just won some sort of contest. But then, minutes later, he would snap back to being perfectly friendly and be all, "Let's go play, friend!" It wasn't just unpleasant, it frequently left me questioning my own sanity. The other cousin was a lot less aggressive in terms of instigating an argument, but she would still pull the "poor helpless victim" routine over the smallest things.

Years of this treatment, combined with nobody believing that an older kid could possibly be bullied by younger kids, left me with basically no self-confidence and a constant terror that anyone around me could snap at any moment.

Now, there is one example where I am willing to take some of the blame. I was going through a phase where I would pretend to punch random things, pulling my fist back at the last second. I don't know why I did this, but hey, kids do dumb stuff sometimes! Anyway, at one point the other demon was climbing up on my back as we watched someone else play a video game, and I went to pretend-punch her -- just as she leaned forward. My knuckle bonked her in the mouth, and I immediately said, "Oh, sorry!" She then let out the most ear-splitting scream and began bawling like mad. The first thing I blurted out was, "I didn't hit you *that* hard!"

To be completely fair: hearing a girl scream and then a guy's voice say, "I didn't hit you that hard" sounds REALLY BAD. But let me tell you where I'm coming from: I grew up in the country and would frequently explore the woods around my house, sometimes on foot, sometimes on an atv. It wasn't unusual for me to wipe out and get a hole ripped in me from a sharp branch or a rock. Screaming was pointless because nobody was around, so the only thing to do was to head home and patch it up. That's how I dealt with pain and injury. So when such a minor incident resulted in such an exaggerated reaction, I was more baffled than anything else. The treatment I got from both aunt and uncle were predictable, but the main thing that bothered me about that incident is that nobody believed me that it was an accident, and that I apologized. The fact that I was actually at fault for something made the hateful words cut that much deeper.

The takeaway from this should be that if the demon cousins did something bad, it was "Well they're just kids!" but when I did something bad it was THE END OF THE FREAKING WORLD. I was walking on eggshells, and they were stomping through my self-confidence like Godzilla stomping through Tokyo.

[2/??]

(In case anyone caught it, yes the opening "My name is" line on the first post was an Animorphs reference.)

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Regardless if you are an Animorphs fan or not,
what is your opinion of a possible Animorphs movie or a TV show if it hasn't happened already?

Thank you! =D Animorphs was a big part of my childhood and I still think about the characters and aliens on a regular basis! However, I wasn't impressed with the quality of the movie(s?) that came out back then. I'm certainly willing to take a look if they take another stab at it though!

Welcome to WPea!