Resentment

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As I get older, I feel I'm becoming more pessimistic and angrier. My whole life I wanted to feel happy and make others happy but instead all I got was abuse from my home life and from school. I barely feel much emotion, feel happiness, I lack any sympathy or empathy for others. I feel like I'm slowly becoming more like Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver. I'm becoming something I never wanted to be. My whole life I've just felt alone and unsatisfied. I never had a place in this world, and I see no point in even trying to contribute to a world that hates people like us.

Alienation is a common experience for autistic folk.

I hope things get better for you.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. Life can make you feel that. I suspect one of the reasons why is because of how I look at others. I do not look directly into peoples eyes. As a result they think I am false, a liar, someone to stay away from. I tested this theory by getting a pair of one way glasses and wearing them. This prevented other people from seeing my eyes. But I could see them without any difficulty. The experiment was amazing. I had total strangers come up to me and begin conversations. Truly amazing.

The past cannot be changed and the present is what it is. Try for a better future.

Getting a better future isn't something that happens easily or quickly, but it can happen.

Enough small steps, over long enough a time, can get you very, very far.

I found most of my working life to be tedious and/or unpleasant.
But I built a good retirement and now life is much better.

welcome, glad you found us.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I can hear the pain in your post. I, too, have had these feelings: always being a target and feeling alienated from life. In the moment, it can feel like constant dread and things will never get better. But the sky is clear above the clouds. I've found it helpful when feeling like this to surround myself by things that bring contentment, like my furry companions, reading things that bring me joy, surrounding myself by nature, moving. It doesn't work magic, but little by little I can start to see the clear sky again. Wishing you the best:).

@ChaosCascade
Hello ChaosCascade, nice username. I like the clear image it presents and alliteration.
Welcome to WP, you will find many likeminded peers here, shared anxiety is not halved anxiety, but having a place where people at least recognize your frustrations and feelings is very useful, and to me a required first step to finding gratitude and acceptance, so you are very welcome!

I really like Equitywarrior's response, much wisdom in it... acceptance and compassion are the primordial first steps to changing for the better.

Yes..that resentment can be justified by myself too.. your words were/ are my words at times for years at a time,But recently have been following some utubes on Stoic philosophy ...it makes sense . And much moreso , It helps .
Just be yourself , Its the only thing you may have any control over , in the grand scheme of things . Am hoping you feel betterish..soon. Or at least more manageable .

Must add here that I loved the above drawing above by Ocean. And the idea it represents.

I find I understand cats better than people, personally.