I posted a bunch of stuff in the general forum, mostly just asking whether or not my little self-diagnoses was accurate, but that doesn't do much for my noob-ness here.
I've been lurking for quite awhile - it's a natural tendency of mine to thoroughly examine a community before I wade in. It seems to be a great place, and I relate to so much of what's being discussed here it's amazing. Here are people who get it. If only the rest of the world were like this, it would be so much easier to deal with people.
I'm a 27 year old graphic designer and programmer. On the surface I seem pretty average. House. Car. Dogs. Girlfriend. Decent Job... etc... But it's a huge battle for me just to get this far, much less do any better. And as a child I was such a social disaster, the transformation is nothing short of astounding to the few people who have known me all this time.
I used to be a wreck, as a kid I was such a social screwup, had few if any real friends and was prone to frequent outbursts of.. something. To this day I don't really know what to call them, just emotional overload maybe. I'd be angry, hurt, vengeful and tearful all at the same time. I was very depressed, had serious self esteem issues and was tormented by constant teasing, bullying, etc... I was never afraid of bullies, but I simply didn't know what to do about it, and so I would freeze up trying to decide how to react... while getting taunted by everyone for it.
I'm ashamed of those days.
These days I have my confidence and self-esteem back, I'm no longer depressed and can generally function in the world... but I can't excel in it, and it's a constant challenge just to stay where I am at. I feel I must be smarter, stronger, faster and better than everyone around me just to hold my own. And that's no fun.
Anyway this post is already longer than I really wanted it to be, I just wanted to throw it out there... who I am, where I come from and all that. I probably have more to do before I can really come to terms with being an "Aspie" or "Aspie-like" whatever it is that I am... but this seems to be the place to do it!
11 Oct 2007, 6:18 pm
