Doubts and feeling alone

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Hi everyone. I started to read about Asperger last week and I think I fill in most of the things, but maybe not all. My psychiatrist doesn't seem to know about asperger so I'm kinda lost.
I know how a friend feel, not the same with and unknown person, and it's very limited. I can tell you if someone is sad or happy but generally I have no idea what the other person want me to do. If he/she want me to laught, be sad or what and I have difficult times trying to know if someone is really interested in what I talk (I tend to talk a lot about my topic of interest, with change often) or just want me to shut up. I never see someone to the eye when I talk and is easy to me to get lost in my own world and then try to return quickly, rewind what everyone just say and try to get the point. I can't be in soccial events, no shyness there; just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Talk with someone ? but I have no idea about what !
I feel like my life is a really long joke. I have been taking medication for anxiety and depression for 5 years and I don't see any real improvement in my life.
I feel alone and just want to understand what I have. I know I'm not like the rest. I can't lie, never, is almost impossible to me, don't know why. Being too honest in this world is really bad.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid, or maybe hypochondriac or something like that. But asperger in some way make sense. With this, you think is possible that I have AS? or you think I'm just to depressed to think clearly and interact with other people (with is a pecualirity in all my life).
I have OCD, I'm gifted, had tics since I have use of memory (my "tic" change in a variable interval, generally some weeks and I have no control of it, often it is a complex physical movement and I CAN'T stop it without feeling an absolutely terrible anxiety). I have managed to the age 21 to hide all this to the point that noone realize this if I don't tell them and I have to do certain things allways, like (being in the pc) allways the windows in a order, if a touch something with my nail I have to retouch the same point with the back part of my hand and a lots of similars things.
I just don't want anyone say me again "you must go to parties|you must do this and that|what you need is a girl|but you are normal|stop saying you feel bad if your life seem so easy|get a work, you are fully quallified|you are too lazy, that's the problem". I CAN'T <<insults to everyone>>, is not that easy <<more insults>>
Right now, like allways, I'm thinking about just close this tab and not post nothing, like I allways do... but I'm going to put it here.
Just say me what you think, just help me to know that, maybe, I'm not the only one dealing with all this everyday, just say me if someone also experience some of this....
That was long I think. My mothertongue is not English, so please say me if what I wrote doesn't make sense.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Life isn't easy for anyone whether you have Asperger's Syndrome or you don't...and many psychiatrists do not understand or even recognize AS because many psychiatrists have no training or education in AS. It is a fairly new disorder...only in the
psychiatric bible, the DSM, since 1994...

Psychiatrists largely push drugs for anxiety or depression...maybe you might benefit from a psychologist or other trained "therapist" who can help you create a more fulfilling, happier life. Sometimes, it takes many tries at finding the "right"
therapist who works "best" for you.

Good luck!

Welcome Mikami,

Close enough. There is a lot to explore within this AS concept, no one has it, just parts, with no two alike.

This is the place to find out what parts are you.

You are in a good possion, knowing who you are, you can shop for fits.

Come play and learn.

Aspies are like snowflakes!! !

You will fit in well here, Mikami. Zsazsa and Inventor have good advice here. This site is full of that, and it has helped me a lot. The biggest thing for me is I read what people have to say here and I don't feel like I'm the only one anymore.

And you do pretty well for someone whose mothertongue is not English.

Thanks all ! I think I will like this site

Nice to meet you, Mikami.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Welcome here, Mikami.

Welcome, Mikami!

Your English is really quite good.

Just read..... you will find yourself, and you won't feel so alone.

Hi man, where'ya from?

Welcome to WP.

I'm gonna say what I say to everyone who says

"I don't know if I has aspergers or not..."

Try the quiz.
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

it's not perfect but it will give you a good indication (and a nice graph).

Also - if your Psych doesn't know aspergers, that's ok... so long as they're willing to learn. If not, find another one.

You can find a lot of info on my blog, plus links to other good aspie sites and blogs.

good luck.