Hello...I'm New (WARNING: Pessimism)

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I have so much to say and there's a 100% chance that I'm not going to say everything that I need to....

My name is Jonathan and I'm 16 years old. I was nearly 15 when I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. And though I was relieved to have finally found an explanation for why I am the way I am, I was not happy about it, and I'm still not.

When they told me I had Asperger's, I was ready to finally find out what was "wrong" with me.
But as soon as the word "Autistic" came up, I wanted nothing to do with it. As you can imagine, I didn't know a whole lot about Autism....I just knew that it was very bad.

I am amazed at how many of the people in this forum can look at having Asperger's in such an optimistic light. In recent years I have become very pessimistic, and my diagnosis didn't help.

It doesn't matter what Autism is, not to me. What matters is how most people see it, and what they think it is. When "normal" people see an Autistic person, it causes pity and gloom. And people don't want to associate with those people, though I can't think of the reasons why at the monent.
Of course, Asperger's is different than Autism. But when Asperger's comes up, it is very quickly associated with autism. Look up Asperger's. The word "autism" or "autistic" is usually used in the first sentence.

I read the way that Asperger's is described, and I don't want to be a part of it. I have many flaws and I've been finding it harder to see any positive qualities or advantages. I feel like I've lost all hope of being a functioning member of society.
Finding out I have Asperger's was a serious blow to any confidence I might have had before. And now I seem to have decided that I'm a "hopeless case", and I use Asperger's as an excuse for nearly every flaw, mistake, blunder, or anything I do that makes someone mad.

I want to change my behaviour, or my state of mind/attitide, but that isn't something I can do myself. I cannot keep track of myself long enough to moniter my behaviour, not to mention my thoughts! Can people even change the way that they think?
I find it impossible to fit anything new into my daily or mental routines. My routines leave room for variables and unexpected occurences, but I cannot simply start doing something on a regular basis. I don't even brush my tetth very often because I can't fit it into my routine, and I REALLY should.

I lose a lot of time because part of my routine is rather random internet searching, taking in new (or old) information, and everything leads me to something else, or else I think of something new to look up. Time goes by pretty quickly.
Other times, I get lost in my thoughts.
Or, when I listen to music, I focus completely on the music and I can't really do very much else at the same time. The music consumes me (and vice-versa) and I lose precious minutes or even hours...

Back to the point, if there is one (there rarely is). When ever I hear Aspeger's (which I have no choice but to my associate with myslef) being described as Autism, I feel "wrong" inside.

Other important information (Important at the moment. I'll have plenty to mention later):
-I feel anxious A LOT

-I always worry about something bad happening and I picture them happening for nearly every situation that I'm in. I can find it very easy to see the negative side of things.

-I really don't like the word "Aspie". Besides the fact that I simply don't like it and it feels "wrong", it seems like it's a "celebration" of Asperger's, and I fail to see anything about Asperger's worth celebrating. The way people say "I'm an Aspie", it seems like their proud of it or something.

-I often Capatilize words in the Middle Of A Sentence when the Capitals are Unnecessary. Though I'm getting better at remebering not to.

-I use run-on sentences (and brackets) a lot.

I want you guys to try and convince me that there's a bright side of Asperger's, because I can't see one, not in my case. I doubt that you'll be able to convince me though...

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to Wrong Planet, we hope you enjoy your stay. For information, please call the Front Desk. We offer breakfast from 6:00 AM to 10:30 AM, and also offer room service. You can find the menu in the top drawer of your desk.

On a more serious note: Autism is not as bad as you think, at least not in it's milder forms, such as autism. We might not be too brilliant socially, but most of us would rather be aspie than just another NT (Aspie = someone with Asperger's, NT = NeuroTypical, those who you would refer to as "normal".

Welcome
You can be pessimistic if you want, just as long as it doesn't become an excuse.
Honestly though, I don't think autism is all that bad when you're higher functioning.

wow.. long post..
anyways welcome to wrongplanet...

its pretty late here and the ability to process long post is long gone hahaa,....

Nice to meet you, Jonathan.

That's what asperger's does to you. And you're not the only one with a pessimistic view regarding it.

Don't change the way you are just becuase you have a reason to be different. Just act the way you were, eventually the bad feelings will go away and you will feel more "normal",as you felt the need to say. What I feel is the number one bad thing about autism is that people MAKE it bad.
Anyways welcome to WP and enjoy your stay.
Sorry if that explanation sounds broken, I find it hard to convey my thoughts properly sometimes.

Fruckert

Welcome to Wrongplanet DJRnold

Welcome Johnatan. I hope you won't mind me posting even though my username has the word Aspie in it

When I was first told that I had aspergers I was like you happy to know what was "wrong" with me, and like you I jumped when I heard the word autistic.
All I knew about autistic people I had gotten from the movie "Rainman" and I was frankly insulted by that comparison. I first thought that I must have been
misdiagnosed, I didn't see myself as an asperger, to me I was just ME. An individual with some strange traits.

Then I found an internet page describing a subtype of those with aspergers syndrom, the subtype was called "Aspies" It wasn't untill then that I accepted that my diagnosis
was infact corect. I read how not two aspergers have the exact same symptoms, and I read how many positive traits were connected with aspergers.
Loyalty, open mindedness, care, logic these are just a few of the traits associated with being an "Aspie". It's kinda like making lemonade when life gives you lemons i surpose... but these are traits that I am proud of having, and which I admire in others, why shouldn't I?

There are negative traits (or symptoms if you prefer that term) as well, and I fight against them every day. Tempting as it is at times, I refuse to give in and let my life be governed by rutine and lists, I refuse to dissapear into a dreamworld (Although it is SOOO tempting at times) But fighting these symptoms make me stronger, they make me feel proud that I am strong enough to suppress them.

I believe this counts to all human alike: "Nurture and develop the parts of your personality of which you are proud. Suppress and fight the traits of which you aren't"

Forgive me if I sound as if I am preaching, I just really wan't to help (A trait I am proud of)

Welcome DJRnold!

Welcome Jonathan,

Aspergers is no reason for loss of confidence.

We have some amazing skills which others don't have. It takes a while to learn how to tap into those skills but once you're an expert at it, you'll go far.

There are a lot of famous aspies and most of the major scientific breakthroughs were due to aspies, not NTs. We take the roles of thinker and imaginator in society.

Don't believe everything you read - particularly not in medical books. Those are written by NT doctors whose only exposure to aspergers is when the worst cases explain themselves (not very well) to them.

The most "adjusted" aspies usually don't even know they are aspie - I didn't until I was about 36 - and that was because my son got diagnosed first.

Hi, Jonathan, my name is Jonathan.

Like gbollard, I was in my thirties before I even heard of Aspergers (to be fair, I was 31 before the diagnosis even hit the DSM-IV-TR). Contrary to what so many of the so-called "experts" claim, this doesn't mean you can't get a job (or even a career!), find love, or do pretty much anything you want to do. (Unless, of course, what you want is to be "normal" - and from my perspective, having observed "normal" people, NTs, for four decades, it's not that great.)

If you need more inspiration, there is a rising genre of books written by Aspies, thus avoiding the NT filters that keep them from appreciating our lives. Also, check out the Haven, and some of the other places our younger members post - you may find more inspiration there.

Just remember, they can't take your dreams from you - the most they can do is try to make you give them up. Don't let them have the satisfaction.

I've read things that "Aspie"'s have written, where they listed all the advantages that they get from Aspergers, and they don't apply to me, and I feel like I got all the bad without the good.

Can someone post some links to places where I can:
a) See a detailed list of possible advantaged of Asperger's
b) See what most Aspie's can't do (well or at all) so I can find out just how limited I am.
Then I can try to stop saying that I "can't" do things that I really can do if only I had the dedication that I clearly lack.

Hi DJRnold

welcome to WP.

First of all I would like to say that there is no link to tell you what people with AS are good at. Like every other person on the planet, we have our own talents. It seems like you need to discover what yours are. Often, they will show themselves unexpectidely...or you will realise that something you've been doing your whole life is a talent of yours.
For example, I have always been a good writer/story teller, good at poetry, expressing myself through art, eye for detail, musical instrument player and photographer [photographer I didn't know until a few weeks ago which was when I got a camera]. Only when I thought about all of this and connected it all together...I realised that I was very creative and THAT was what I was good at.

Knowing that you are only 16 [the same age as me!] your talents will start to become more apparent as you get older...we young'ens still have a LOT to discover!