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Hello
I'm 26 and was diagnosed as "high functioning" Asperger's on Thursday.
From what I've read the High functioning part is not necessary.
They also say women are not as obvious when it comes to symptoms.
I believe, because of this, when I tell people they're first reaction is, "you can't have Asperger's, you're normal."
I find this to be a testament to the gross ignorance in people that
everyone with autism or Asperger's has to have a giant red flag, visible from miles away.
What they don't know it that I hate being at parties for the most part, and I'm not incredibly charming, i just regurgitate whatever information I've been obsessively researching on the internet. Fibonacci numbers, sea horses, the Parallels between children's literature and the bible, rabbits reproductive systems, or my new obsession with the Book "The pig who wants to be eaten", the the philosophical quandaries there in. What I feel they fail to understand is that while I am vocalizing these interests and my opinions, the conversation does not stop over the tasty bites, and overly strong libations. I continue thinking about these things until there are answers, I am consumed by the need to research read books, discover why.
I want to tell my family, particularly my very baby-boomer mother, who never believed me when I was an adolescent and I tried to explain that everyone thought i was strange. My mother who screamed that there was nothing wrong that I was strange and bad for not having copious amounts of friends. It all makes sense now of course, I was on a soccer team for 4 years but never once made friends with any of the other teammates. Or how do I tell my sisters, one in education who thinks she knows everything about "special needs" or "RSP" children, or my other sister who has barely grazed 90 credits of a Psychology degree who is convinced I have "borderline personality disorder" or "manic personality disorder" she will argue against this of course noting that i am not smart enough to have Asperger's or some such argument.
So do I tell them? Do i keep this secret from them? i just want people to understand.

Nice to meet you, Onibunny.

Welcome Onibunny!:)

Hi Onibunny.

Tell, don't tell, it really won't make much difference in the way most treat you. So few NTs have any comprehension of autism in general, much less AS, that they just can't get their heads around it. They understand Downs Syndrome because the symptoms are generally in-your-face visible, they may have some mental picture of acute, low-functioning Autism, but can't really mentally seperate the two. They accept Dyslexia, and things like ADD because those have gotten a lot of media coverage over the past 20 years or more. Because Asperger has been undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as something else for so long, there's just no public awareness yet, and because high-functioning autism doesn't manifest as blatantly and obviously debilitating, it's tough for NTs to see it as a disability. I've even seen some on here dismissing it as a less-than-serious impairment. Unfortunately, ignorance from lack of firsthand experience can be heartless.

It sounds as though your family (if your perceptions are correct) would probably not change their current attitudes whether you mention it to them or not. On the other hand, they might surprise you. I think my mother was rather relieved when I was diagnosed, perhaps grateful to know that it wasn't her parenting skills that made me so...odd. My father, on the other hand, looked over the symptom list and said "Most of it sounds like what all kids go through to me." (Gee, I think if all my peers had been going through the same things, I'd have noticed. And probably had more friends). In his book, anything that separates me from the norm is my fault, and autism is just an excuse. That's pretty much the way he and the world have treated me all my life. I'm an oddball, but it must be because I choose to be. I don't limp, I'm not disfigured, have no prosthetics, therefore I'm 100% responsible for my brain functions and internal and social reactions to everything. It may not be what you want to hear, but get used to that.

I can't even imagine what it would be like to live around people who understood, or tried to, and accepted you as 'normal', if somewhat'atypical'. I'm quite familiar however, with villagers carrying torches and pitchforks

Welcome to the forum Onibunny!!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi Onibunny,

welcome to WP.

I don't know your family, or you, but in my personal opinion, it's your choice whether to tell them or not. It could help them to understand you more, or it could just give them a reason to look down on you, as some ignorant people do. You can't predict a persons reaction so think about it this way...Would you get some personal benefit from telling them? If yes, then tell them. If no, then I wouldn't bother to do so.

I hope you enjoy posting here.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome Demon Bunny (or Onibunny: but we know how to speak... I think it's japanese.)


From the interests you've described, I rate you as... : A very interesting gal who just needs to find the correct medium of social correspondance.

I was teased/traumatized/beaten with sporting equipment as a young child by my elementary school peers and teachers, so I envy the unabashed freedom of speech you complain about. OF course, not in the settings you describe, but I imagine sometimes it would be fun to just have all your thoughts actually unfold into reality. I guard all my words when speaking in public, so it takes me a while to get more than "Hello" out, and hours later I still have the aftertaste of words unspoken in my mouth.

My advice about being the highlight of the parties is to play the mute! You've got AS, so what's the harm of giving yourself a 30 point disadvantage to even the odds? Learn how to sign a few sentences, carry around a pad of paper, a pen, and some common sayings cards, and let them work their magic. The secret I've found with conversations and popularity is that people like it most when they get to talk about themselves, but while given the impression that you care. Being the equivalent of a social mute myself, I've found great success with preplanned cards.

... oh, it occurred to me to clarify: reading the card there isn't where the unqiue style and social cleverness is won. Making big cards with legible-at-a-distance words is where you get the smiles, and the pantomiming in moderation is where you get the adoration. The pad of blank paper are for those pesky custom answers you might need to make.

If all goes to hell, just can your supplies and say aloud, "Well, that was worth a shot. Oh well, you were saying?"

Whether or not you even consider my idea, know that you can always msg me about any of those topics. From the examples you gave me, I'm already quite sure that I for one would appreciate whatever you regurgitate. (Eww, that would be gross in any other context.)

This last Saturday I came out of the AS closet to my mom, and she was accepting of it because she knew I had been struggling with a list of (what we now know are AS related) problems. Also, before telling her, I told her that "I had been diagnosed with a life altering malady," which "will affect me the rest of my life, cause people to stare at me, and is completely uncurable," ; ending with a good sprinkling of "The diagnosis is certain, accepting it is hard. I am telling you because I need moral support while I accept the doctor's findings." I dont know whether it was my presentation, or her personality, but she just hugged me and said that she was thankful I wasn't terminal. I think I scared the crap out of her... which is what I'm indirectly recommending you do. My mother is also getting her Psychology degree, so she knew a little about AS. She was also pretty supportive as it was her family tree that gave me the Bad Seed. (Bad from an NT standpoint, I just want to use the movie reference.)
I'd write about my telling my gay physics professor/advisor, but that's a long & funny story of another reaction. I'm sure the aforementioned will serve adequately as a parallel, and I hope that you gleamed some insight out of it.

Good luck, and I hope you consider ellaborating on your interest of "The Pig who wants to be eaten." I know male seahorses have the baby, and that Little Red Riding Hood was a metaphor for guarding your virginity, but I've never heard of an altuistic pig.

Love the avatar you have. (I love Pandas)

Welcome!