I’m confused.

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The reason why I’m posting here is because someone I spoke to in confidence told me to find a site, like this one, to find out more information about AS and to share my experiences. Rightly or wrongly, I received a behavioural dx of AS when I was very young. I stress that this dx is probably slightly different from the current US based DSM criteria. I’m not from the US. I don’t know if my situation is unusual or not.

I am reluctant to post any personal information about my past experiences and present in full public view because I find these very painful to deal with. Hardly anyone knows about what I've been through. I’ve been told to keep my experiences to myself and try to forget about them. I don’t think anyone would want to believe me if I did tell them. I’m also afraid of the stigma I would receive, given my past experiences. I’ve been told to carry on with my life as if nothing had happened and blend in. Would anyone mind if I posted these on a member’s only board or in some other way? I am female and was given “support” for my “condition” when I was younger. I feel very ashamed about this and now feel as though I’m partly to blame.

I’m very confused. I don’t know who I really am any more. I’ve received many conflicting messages from different people over the years. Hence, I’m in the unusual position of not really knowing who I am or where I really fit into all of this. There are socialising (particularly working in a group setting) and anxiety issues that I need to deal with whatever happens. I need to be comfortable with who I am and mend my self-esteem in order to proceed. I want to be able to get a job and be able to live independently eventually. I can be quite happy and very determined when I put my mind to it, if the situation is right I have a high level of education, a lot of useful skills and good punctuality. I think I’ve actually been very fortunate considering all that’s happened to me. It’s just a shame that I couldn’t progress as far as I’d hoped.

If you believe that I’m not one of you or that this site isn’t appropriate for me, that’s fine: sorry that I wasted your time and I will try and seek help elsewhere. If this site is appropriate I’d very much appreciate your help and guidance. Thanks.

I am very glad to see that help is finally being given to those that need it on here. You should all be proud of what you are doing. I wish everyone the best for the future on these boards and hope that you are receiving better and more sympathetic help than I did when I was younger.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome AmberEyes.

To WrongPlanet!! !

welcome

Mighty glad to meet you, fellow-traveler AmberEyes. Hope you find Wrong Planet to be as great an experience for you as I have it to be for me. I believe that you will. Be well, AmberEyes; take great care of yourself now; and all the WP best to you.

Hi Amber eyes, welcome. Stay around for awhile and with time you will begin to feel at home.
Give it some time though.

G'day AmberEyes

welcome Amber

hello confused.

Thanks everyone.

For years I was told that AS was a bad thing and that I was a bad "stupid" person. People at school kept saying that there was something wrong with me and I wasn't fulfilling their targets. Since they never told me explicitly what those targets were or what I was doing "wrong", I couldn't improve myself. I later discovered that they wanted me to meet social targets, not academic ones as I'd incorrectly assumed.

No wonder I was so confused and alone! I was socially clueless. I mistakenly thought that socialising was easy because everyone else seemed to do it automatically. That's why I probably just barged in to people's conversations without thinking. I thought I was doing everything right (or what felt natural to me anyway). I thought people were avoiding me because they were being unfriendly, not the other way round. I thought that it was their problem that they weren't interested in what I had to say, not mine.

Now I see that there was a legitimate break down in communications on both sides.

Now I've read that AS is a qualitative impairment on picking up social cues, it kind of makes sense. Is it a kind of social "dyslexia"? (Do correct me if I'm wrong). If they had told me a simplified version of this in the beginning, I'd have been much more willing to cooperate with everyone. A bit of friendly understanding (rather than bullying) and allowing me some quiet time to myself to study would have helped also.

I come from a "hard" science background so "qualitative" does sound like a subjective criterion and therefore it's assessment would inevitably differ according to who was doing the observing. That's why I'm choosing to remain slightly skeptical about this inspite of all my experiences. All the same, I now strongly believe kids should be explicitly taught how to socialise in a stable/caring environment from a young age to avoid any unnecessary pain or misunderstandings in the future.

It's been a bit of a shock for me to come online and see that some people now want to self identify/dx themselves as AS when for years, I was trying to do the exact opposite. I have nothing against this by the way, but I'm still surprised and bewildered by it all. I wanted to get a good education without fear of ridicule or being held back. I do have a very analytical, systematic and scientific mind. I've probably inherited these traits. Perhaps that's part of the problem. Such traits I believe are more readily accepted in boys than girls. According to society, girls are meant to mix and be pretty, not wander off alone to do their own things or be show-offs.