situation with a friend

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hi im new to this site and new to autism. i m being evaluated for a possible autism spectrum disorder. im thinking im pdd-nos since i was never diagnosed w/any autism type disorder when i was a kid, but i think i am a little different from alot of ppl my age. im 21 and asexual. i was born premature.
i have been going to this church for awhile. i met a man and his wife there. this guy is middle-aged/a scientist and he has been a rolemodel for me, and sort of felt like he was a father-figure. he and his wife had thought that i could be autistic and she knows a lot about autism. i dont act like a typical person i guess. i have a need to hug this guy almost constantly. i dont tend to do this with anyone else. i had trouble getting to know anyone else at this church. i also had a tendency to stare at his hair during church and i dont know why.
i have had several situations w/him where i do not pay attention to anyone else when he is around. i am really short and i like being able to hug around someones stomach. sometimes when i hugged him i could just stand there for a few minutes because it felt so good to be hugging. i dont know why i liked to so much.
other "autistic" traits are that i dislike eye contact, especially during conversation. i dont use expressions(using my hands/arms) it is just my voice and i usually talk in a monotone voice. i tend to be turned away from someone speaking because i feel uncomfortable. i have some other small obsessions which are drawing/piano/listening to the radio/science. a couple yrs ago i was so obsessed w/the piano that i would sit all day playing the piano w/out eating.
i have 1 female friend who is my age. not interested in a social network.
every time i listen to music i like to rock which is sort of weird i think but i didnt used to do this. ive been doing that for a few years. my biggest "obsession" is that man at church. he is more important than that though, since i do care about him alot. i think i care about him so much that i feel just intense. maybe that is part of "autism" where emotions are intensely stronger than with the typical person.

welcome. there are lots of people your age here!

My goodness, Tonia!

Your post could've been written by me! You're the first person, besides myself, I've heard of who had an intense attachment to an older male mentor at their church. Ever since I was 13, I've had an extreme obsession with my pastor (I no longer go to his church nor am a Christian). I would take every opportunity I could get to hug, kiss or get any type of affection from him. It was sort of a cross between a crush and a deep longing for a father to take care of me.

My father was absent from my life and the one time he let me live with his family at age 20, he kicked me out because I wouldn't stop going to church, give up associating with other church members and start going to his Jehovah's Witness kindom hall (religious meeting place). Plus my step-father didn't think it was his "obligation" to raise me and my mother was equally distant and abusive.

My pastor, to me, was all I had and I thought by him representing god, he could give me the love no one else would. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a narcisstic jerk and treated me worse than even my father. But there were moments he was so loving toward me and I grabbed at this as him caring for me yet he would be passive-agressively cruel the next. I felt if only I could be good enough, he would be nice to me all the time so I became obsessed with finding ways to accomplish this. But, unfortunately, I found out it simply wasn't going to happen and to save myself more years of pain, I left his church.

Tonia, I must ask do you have family, particularly a father, whom you have a good relationship with? Do they give you the love and affection you're in so much need of? If you don't, then that's probably why you've gravitated toward this guy at your church and you're so obsessed with the attention he gives you. As for it being a "normal" aspie trait, I think it truly is. We get obsessions of all types. It's just that sometimes, our obsessions may stim from something that we're in need of. Maybe it's structure or maybe it's just a need for escape from the nastiness of life.

We also do feel things much more intensely and the physical and emotional satisfaction you get from your friend is very strong. However, I would advise you to be careful about your involvement with him because it could easily turn into a situation in which he can take advantage of you. I don't know about his character but it doesn't hurt to be on guard since you are so vulnerable.

Oh, and welcome to WP!

thanks for your response. i thought i was the only one with the same kind of attachment. i guess it is unusual, but especially for a young adult. i have a dad and i guess my relationship is ok. i dont always get along w/him, cuz i guess i get tired of the little nuances about him. there has been abuse in the past but i dont really think about that, but im not sure how much that would affect my need for a father-figure. i think part of it is that its natural to have these feelings even if i have a dad.
as for the safety of the friendship, he is neither a jerk or a pervert in any way. this guy is very kind and also extremely safe. he and his wife have both written me through emails as well as gotten to know me at church. i dont think im actually autistic, but i think i could be on the spectrum. im seeing a psychologist who thinks my attachment to this guy might have something to do with autism. i think im just pdd-nos since nobody ever thought i had autism when i was a kid, but its not like i have anything in common w/most young women my age. im not autistic but i sort of deviate from the norm, in several small ways, which has become noticeable now.
-tonia