Shy/Anxious newbie who talks too much :P

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I'm bad at introductions too, so please forgive me.

My nickname/name is Sila, and I'm 19 nearly 20 and a college student. I'm currently enrolled in a program to become an Occupational Therapist Assistant, but I'm still just doing basic pre-req classes. I love anything medical related, I guess that is kind of my "obsession". If you get me into a discussion about something related, I won't know when to stop talking about it. I can spit out facts and busted myths about those things like crazy- I think a lot of people might think I am crazy.

I also love art of any kind, especially animals and native american related things. I have a small amount of native american in me, and even though it wasn't much in my childhood, I still hold to it today as an interest.

From a young kid in elementary school, I knew I was 'different'. I had trouble getting along with others- my school reports show that I wasn't involving myself with my peers much, and if I was I was "rude". What those reports don't show is that I was only rude as a defensive mechanism- other kids teased me and so I tried to push everyone away. I have a long history of being teased, forgotten, or made fun of. I wasn't like the others, but I never knew why. One of my elementary schools suggested ADHD, but my mom quickly blew it off in denial.

I recently found out a name for my sensory issues. I've known that I was hypersensitive to things like lights, sounds, and things like shirt tags or seams felt like fire ants on my skin, and sometimes sandpaper. I was, and am, very prone to "meltdowns"...but sometimes instead of having a meltdown, I Shut down instead. I end up passing out for a few hours in bed with a massive headache.

I've suspected that I may lay on the spectrum somewhere, for a while now. Years even. I've been too afraid to confront it, and see if I could get help for it. I've just ended up becoming a shut in of sorts- I never really talk to others because when I do I get really nervous. I don't know how loud I'm speaking, if I'm making sense, if I'm right, if I'm doing something right or wrong, etc. I've found eye contact to be threatening and uncomfortable, but I have trouble reading body language too. I can't readily see if someone wants a hug or not, if someone is angry or upset by the tone of their voice or their facial expressions, etc. I score highly on many self-diagnosis ASD tests online, but I know to take those lightly because they aren't all too accurate.

Along with the sensory issues and such, I also have some speech issues- apraxia of speech, and auditory processing issues too. That also makes conversations difficult, but I try to manage. I'm super clumsy, which provides for laughs at least.

Overall, I'm a shy but friendly girl who really would like to make friends, but has difficulty in doing so. I also talk too much...

Hi, welcome to our group. I, too, am interested in medical issues. In fact, I'm gearing up to make a couple of posts in the health section that influenza can occasionally cause pneumonia and what to watch out for. Because I think it's important, and people should know. Perhaps inappropriate post (I hope not). I'm going to light touch it in either case.

With social skills . . . and with public school, the whole set up of 25 kids, one teacher, the kids essentially left on their own, it's brutal.

I kind of think if you're doing Occupational Therapist Assistant, you're in community college, right? If so, it's harder to meet people. Most people there have jobs and are real busy.

One thing, I've gradually learned, sometimes it's the other person. I make a decent, middle-of-the-road social overture, and if it's not well received. Well, that's where the person is at this time. They need space, I'll graciously give space (without that intervening step of asking whether they should not space, I've learned to skip that. I'll let them be wrong. They need space, fine, they got it)

Specifically, things that have helped me develop more social skills: political activism, sales jobs, playing poker (do not recommend for money), and working at H&R Block (even though a person really needs to disclose third-party collection of bank debt, and the company doesn't really want you to). In fact, working at Block with the client skills taught me I might be pretty good as a doctor. But I'm 48 years old. In fact, when I started college way back in 1982, I was still using a typewriter(!) and word processors were just kind of coming onto the scene. Anyway, have you thought about medical school, and perhaps reading a good medical school biography to see what it's like?

And again, welcome to our group! Good to have you!

Welcome to WP!

Thanks for the welcome You're right, I am in a community college, and a lot of people do indeed have jobs. I've tried to talk to a few people, but the conversation ends up dying and I just sit there wondering what went wrong. (Reminds me of the game Telephone where the message gets mixed up somewhere in the chain. lol).

My plan for now is to see how the OTA program is once i get into it, and if it's a right fit then I'll complete it and then possibly go further my education into becoming an OT/R (registered OT) I actually want to specialize, I guess you can say, in sensory integration therapy.

Heh, 25 kids? I was looking at 30-31 kids per classroom, 7 classes per day 45 mins each. :/ And somehow, kids who I never had seen before knew my name and knew I was the one kid to pick on. The kid who sat under the table to read a book, covered her ears at fire alarms, and never spoke a word to anyone except the teachers.

I kind of want to try face painting at events, to try and express some of my art and at the same time make some people happy with it. I've managed to keep and hold 4 close friends who love me no matter my inefficiencies, funny enough they came to me first because i was the outcast x3.

Thanks for the welcome :3 It looks like a big place here, maybe I can find my own little corner. :3

Welcome!

I think we've all been told we talk too much, or too little, or too loud, or too soft... then they wonder why we give up trying to talk to them. People who will pick on you just because you're different aren't worth spending time with, anyway. It's good that you have a few friends who will stick by you. I hope you gain as much from coming here as I have; it is really comforting to realise that there are other aliens stuck on this hostile planet with me.

By the way, if you don't mind my asking, I'm curious about "sensory integration". Yes, I can google it. But then I won't know which links are spam, since I don't know enough about medicine. My special interests run in other directions. I'm not sure how much use it would be to me; I'm old enough to have worked through some things on my own, the hard way, and the rest won't be easy to shift. But I'm still curious. If I could gain even a slight edge over all those things that disrupt my thought process...

Hehe, I'm glad to talk about anything I know

Sensory integration disorder, now called Sensory Processing Disorder, is as I'm sure you know an unusual response to sensory stimuli, whether that be over or underresponsive, or even "seeking" input. A LOT, and I'd say probably about 90% of those on the spectrum also have SPD- though people generally clump it as being part of ASD. (Though you can have ASD and no SPD, or SPD and no ASD.)

The therapy revolves around slowly introducing the person to stimuli in a controlled environment, which allows them to become better accustomed to it. A lot of it is revolved around the vestibular system, aka balance. Once there's a problem with the vestibular system, other senses become affected too.

The therapy also gives people ways of coping with it, becoming aware of when they're too high or too low, or feeling "just right", and giving tools to help you reach "just right". Some of that includes the Wilbarger brushing protocol which helps with those who are tactile sensitive, but it's also been found to help raise serotonin levels.

It also helps you create a 'sensory diet', which is a combination of things that help you feel 'together'. Some of that may include therapy balls, weighted objects (like vests or blankets), etc.

I've already bought myself a weighted blanket, and I've found it definitely helps me a lot! I sleep with it every night, and I stim less during the day when I have it over my legs or my body. I'm not bouncing my legs, flapping my wrists or chewing my fingers as often when I'm receiving the input my body craves.

Told you I talk a lot. >.>

Welcome aboard greetings to the Wrong Planet, Sila.

I know I pretty much thought it was part of AS. Of course, since I have major sensory issues, that isn't surprising.

You might even find this interesting, as an indicator of how severe the sensory issues can be. I just figured out I have AS last fall, after suspecting and brushing that suspicion off for a few years. About a month after that, an eye doctor finally figured out the nature of the eye condition I was born with. It is ocular albinism, and I now have a medically validated reason for being sensitive to bright light. Now, that wasn't news to me - I've always hated flashbulbs, oncoming headlights, whatever. But, that "real" issue was so lost in a welter of other sensory issues, some much worse, that I was surprised to find out that particular one was "real" according to the NT world.

I even wonder if one of the reasons we are able to ignore pain more than others is simply because we are forced to grow used to ignoring so many other sensory irritants. Pain, after all, is just a sensory stimulus. Although, in my case, I have a strange twist: even minor pain will get a big reaction from me, if it comes as a surprise. A sudden paper cut, say. But, if it is something that builds up, like a toothache, I can ignore it to an extent most people can't imagine. Especially after finding out that the pains in my eyes from too bright lights are "real", I suspect this ability to ignore pain is just an offshoot of learning to ignore so many other things.



Ah. Somehow, I don't think that will be enough to teach me to tolerate the inputs I was hoping to keep from disrupting me. Sounds, like lawnmowers and leaf blowers, and smells, like artificial scents, garlic, and natural gas... For one thing, I am already so sensitised by these things, I have an automatic stress reaction at the slightest hint of trouble.

On the scent issues, I have also noticed something that may or may not interest you, or be useful to you someday. Many of the worst scents from my point of view share chemical similarities. Garlic, onions, etc. all include sulfur, and garlic, asparagus, and natural gas all include some version of mercaptans. Since garlic is the one scent which seems to include two of my worst triggers, it makes sense that it would be, by far, the worst smell to me.



Some of that might be interesting to look into, in case I can find ways to cope with the worst situations. And, oddly enough, I've already worked out my own ad-hoc "sensory diet" idea, although for whatever reason, I tend to use either touch (stroking my cats or a rabbit's foot) or taste (eating certain foods whose taste really seems to have a good effect on me - of course, since I'm also trying to lose weight, this system isn't perfect... ). My cats in general are very good for this; I love stroking them, hearing them purr, looking at the patterns of their fur, and smelling them. And the right pen has sensory pleasures to offer; watching the ink swirl inside a transparent barrel is endlessly fascinating to me.



The blanket sounds like a nice idea, with one downside for me. In the summer, I can't bear to be overheated, and I also can't stand "canned air", so I have to have the windows open. No A/C. So in the warmer weather (for me, once it hits about 50 ) I'd be lost without it.

Although I learned a neat trick during the years when I didn't understand myself and was trying to pretend to be normal. I rock - but I do so very subtly, a matter of shifting muscle tensions internally. No one usually quite notices me rocking back and forth; the movement is so slight they can't spot it. Or there's pacing. Which of course drives some people crazy; I had an aunt who used to say I reminded her of a caged lion at the zoo. So I've learned to stim in ways I can get away with.

As for talking a lot... I've written posts a lot longer than yours. NaNo has been a bad influence on me, I guess. Besides, I found your answer interesting. People who talk a lot only bother me if they don't have anything interesting to say.

Hm. There's many things that therapy could still help you with I'm sure, but that's if you choose of course. I know the Wilbarger helps with more than just tactile, though it's predominant effect is with touch and proprioceptive systems (muscle input).

The Listening Therapy program comes to mind with auditory sensitivities- That's one of my main areas of problem too. Anything sudden shocks me and I actually yell out as an automatic response, which surprises a lot of people since it's something that just makes NTs flinch or blink.

Smells.. i've learned to just breathe through my mouth to avoid smelling most of the things that go through the air. Doesn't help permanently but it works enough for now. Another thing I've heard of is carrying a small pouch full of a pleasant smell for you, and using that when you need to get away from a "bad" smell. I can't stand onions at all, no matter what, but garlic is okay for me. :3

Also, about the blanket, it isn't all that thick actually. I live in Florida, where it's constantly hot, and I find that it doesn't trap heat all too easily. It's made of 100% cotton I believe, which somehow manages to not hold the heat in. When I get cold, I just pull another comforter over top of me.

I tend to rock a bit too, as well as pacing. I pace a lot more than I rock though, only because I got upset with all the strange looks and comments I got about rocking. If I had the money and the ability, I'd install a lyrca swing in my doorway where I could swing back and forth when I wanted to calm down. Rocking does that for me too, but swinging does it better. (As long as my head isn't tilted back!)

My posts are only restricted by my attention span. x3

Hello and welcome to Wrong Planet Sila

Thanks.

Thanks for the info. I may give the blanket a try. And even see about the treatment, although I suspect my insurance won't cover it unless I get formally diagnosed - and that will cost me almost two thousand bucks out of my own pocket. But it is something to keep in mind.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Well, the blanket is definitely worth the hundred or so dollars I spent on it. Hell, the day after I got it my bf tried to be funny and put an ice cold cup of tea on my bare skin, and I turned around and flung out- spilling the whole cup on my new blanket. It said to wash in cold water and air dry, but my washer's cold water was broken so I had to use warm water.

It held up perfectly fine in the washer, and still serves a great purpose today just as great as it did before. I bought mine from http://saltoftheearthweightedgear.com/ and I plan on buying a pressure vest soon, to help in school.

and on top of that, I need to buy new earbuds as my dog JUST ruined my new pair of Skull Candies. :/

Welcome!

I think I like the idea of a pressure vest. Is it available at the same place?