Mom & Son, Both Newly-Diagnosed Aspergers

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Bonjour! I'm 35 years old, female, and am newly diagnosed with Asperger's. I'm married to what is probably the most stressed man on earth, but he's just got a lot on his plate at the moment (as if I'm not enough to make someone tear their hair out). By trade, I'm a cyanid taxonomist with a specialization in mosquitoes. I also do HTML coding, graphic art, am a published freelance journalist and an author-in-progress.

I have four kids, but it's my oldest who is compelling me to join here. He is 16 years old, and has ADD, delayed adolescence and is newly diagnosed with Asperger's. He is an advanced honors student, with a passion for electronics concept and analysis, computers, and mechanical repair. He plans to become either an aeronautical engineer or a pilot after he graduates high school.

It's been a hilarious, stressful, terrifying, and painful road to get to this diagnosis. I brought my son to a psychiatrist for help with ADD symptoms, and to do a psychological test battery because there were a few things going on in his psyche which worried me. My son and I are a lot alike, and often we interact more like friends than a mom/son relationship, so if something's "off" with him, I can normally see it where others cannot. Certainly, his dad has often complained that our son is "in a whole other world". Needless to say, he was closer than he knew. The father/son relationship is strained at best, and awful to observe. His dad feels that his son is a disappointment because the kid looks so much like his father, but acts so much like me, the despised ex-wife.

Anyways, during the course of my son's treatment, his psychiatrist did a few sessions with me, and ran a few tests on me as well. It was a complete shock to find out that my son and I "share the same bubble". We both have Asperger's. We both knew we were "different", but never had a name for it. During the diagnosis session, I tried to understand what was being said, translate it to my son so he comprehended it fully, added humor to soften what was being said, and I tried to absorb how quickly it went from "your son" to "your son and you". Thankfully, my son walked out of that room saying, "That was probably the funnest diagnosis I ever had, Mom." Oh, thank God! I was able to make him understand it wasn't a bad thing, and indeed could be used to his advantage.

So here I am, less than 24 hours after diagnosis. I have no clue what to do at this point. I've got a diagnosis, a nifty little tag that says, "Hey! There's something up with my kid, and with me", but not much else. It's time for me to learn about this thing (good thing I'm obsessive) and figure out how to better handle both myself and my son. As it is, our psych is planning on joint and single sessions for both my son and me. I don't know whether to feel flattered, or just feel like a lab rat. The woman looked positively giddy at the thought of doing a dual treatment on close relatives with parallel diagnoses.

And the ultimate irony? I provided moral support for a very dear friend of mine who founded the first 501(c)(3) foundation for autism in the state of Louisiana, and I designed her website and logo. I've dealt with moderate-to-severe autism thanks to her son (He's 8, but I've known him since before he was diagnosed at age 2), but Asperger's is a whole new animal, especially when you're diagnosed the way we were.

And before anyone asks...Yes. I spent my whole life feeling as though I was a guest on someone else's planet. Now I know why.

Hei, welcome to WrongPlanet

Hi Thorny_Rose,

I am newly diagnosed as well and am also new to the Wrong Planet site.
First off- I am so glad for you and your son! It will be much better for him to know the situation and to have his mom as an important ally.
You sound like a very accomplished person even if you did have issues to overcome. Good for you!!
I am a 43 year old female who just found out about what Aspergers is a few weeks ago. I went crazy looking up everything I could possible find and reading several books. I knew I had it and was amazed to finally know why my life had been harder and different from other people. I got tested. Then I was diagnosed just last Tuesday. I am reeling and it is all I can think about. I don't really have any family that want to talk about it with me so I do feel alone.
I would love to chat with you about our experiences if you would like to.
I am very interested in being a writer so we have that in common. However, in typical aspie fashion, I have trouble getting going on a project. I write little notes everywhere about what I want to write but I can't seem to truely get writing. Also, I am a graphic artist.
I'd love to hear more from you!

hi all, welcome home... ENJOY

how on earth did you get it right in the thread-title
and never once in the post???

[o hell, what's earth got to do with it, do with it, do with it...)

Lesson 1:

asPerger's

B a newbie, be whatever u b, you are an asPie, not an AsBee


PPPPPPPPPPPfffffff/toxic@RobertO.iii

What is delayed adolescence?

?????

adult.aspie.life,p'haps?/toxically@RobertO.iii

Hi Thorny_Rose - welcome to WP!

Welcome greetings to Wrong Planet, fellow-traveler Thorny_Rose. I liked how you said that you and your son "share the same bubble." Thanks for sharing your story with us and all the very best of WP to you and your family.

Hi, Sue!

First, get a plot outline on main points, cuz what's a story if it just meanders along but doesn't give you a hard ride & a few heart attacks to a firm conclusion? Do a skeleton outline on your plot, and plan where events need to take place. Then concentrate on finer points, and outline those under main plot points. Once you have a full outline, break it into chapters (segmented by events, which normally cliff-hang or resolve at the end of chapter). Keep fleshing it out (actual paragraph/narration writing) when you have time. Oh, yeah...This way of writing works way-way-way better in a word processing proggie!

Although, to be fair, I "daydream" in book form...Like it's being narrated or dictated to me. It's always been that way; I was stunned to realize most peoples daydreams are a "movie" in their head. I'm so conditioned to thinking in book form that it's nothing to write. It's soothing to me. I've got 5 manuscripts in various states of progress. I've been writing on these five for the past month. I'm not sure if it's an aspie thing, but when I'm dictating out of my head, I type right at 100 words per minute, so you can imagine the clattering my poor laptop keys are doing! I type as fast as I think, which is both a blessing and a curse. When I do journalism pieces, they generally take me 30 minutes or so to write, edit and submit once I have my facts straight. I've been published by CNN on a national level. I have to force myself to do things, but once I get started, I have trouble stopping.

Graphic art...What proggies are you using? I use PSP and Photoshop Elements, although I have to hard-sketch my ideas, and scan in the rough image before I do the tedious work onscreen. I do a lot of photography, too, but that's more of a hobby than a sideline. It appeals to my sense of problem-solving by working a photo subject against natural light settings.

I'm sorry you feel so alone. I was like that, too, until my son got old enough to interact with me...I think he was about 8 years old when I realized he and I had the same brain quirks. I'm very blessed to be able to work with Sean (my son) and interact with him the way I do. Curiously enough, I can't read most people's expressions, but I can catch nuances in my son's face that others miss. But anyways, the loneliness has always been a companion of mine, too. There's just some places people can't go in me, and some things about people I've never been able to understand. It's hard to reach out and hit what I think of as a "glass wall"...That place where your understanding diminishes, and either instinct or intuition takes over. Another aspie thing? Who knows...That's my "normal".

I'll PM you my contact info, if you want to chat on a messenger.

And don't feel bad...I'm reeling, too.

Thank you for the kind welcome.

Oblio, that may be because I don't use spellcheck when I type. It's rare that I mispell something, but "Aspergers" just happens to be one of those few things I mispell if I'm not careful. I did look at a paper spelling it as I was typing the title, but I just went off in my own little world when I did the post paragraphs. Thus, the anomoly is solved.

"Delayed adolescence" is another term for a "late bloomer". At 16, my son still has the physical characteristics of a 12 year-old boy. His cheeks are as smooth as a baby's bottom, his voice hasn't cracked, there's no teen angst, and his...Ummm...Equipment hasn't started enlarging yet. I've seen Chinese Cresteds with more hair on their chest than my kid has in his armpits.

It's rough for him, because in order for him to date someone who "looks" his age, he'd have to go back to middle school. However, his brain is so advanced that he made it to SkillsUSA national competition in his freshman year, and he far outstrips high school seniors in some areas of knowledge. So you have this kid who looks 12, acts 20, and who couldn't get a date with a chick his age if his life depended on it. His life sucks, man. Imagine being able to calculate a circuit board design, but having a waitress give you crayons and a kiddie menu.

Ohai!

Kthanxbai!

Your son sounds like a marvelous person.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hey, and hope you'll like it here.

I think "my life sucks" has a little more to it here on WP than just that. ^^
Although I can see that it's really irritating.