Afraid to say something...

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Hello all. I am new to this site. I found out not long ago that I have Asperger's. I was never tested as a child and always had friends equally as smart and 'weird'. My parents never thought to have me tested, even after my inability to fit in socially, and my lack of speech skills with people, because my few friends that I had, complimented my personality well. It was the relationship I had with my friends that masked my symptoms to my parents. It was only after I learned of Asperger's that I decided to get tested.

Anyway, I am married and my wife knows that I am 'weird', mainly because she is too, but she loves that I am that way. I don't think she knows anything about Asperger's, and I have kept my testing a secret from her. I am afraid to tell her what I have for fear that she will see me in a different way or treat me differently. I don't know how she'll react, or if she'll think I'm 'ret*d'. I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy in my own mind. I want to tell her so bad, but I just don't know how...I'm afraid she'll leave me for someone else. What would you suggest I do, or rather how do suggest I do it?

hello,
I dont know how to get along in a marriage but if you are afraid you should know that It really isn't that bad I mean she knows you than she knows you, and aspergers has its perks if you really like something and are the biggest know it all about it you by definition of the disorder probably know more that most.
considering there are probably always areas of deficit there by the average to above average intellect definition implicates that you are probably overly skilled someware to make up the difference of any downfalls. there is areas that may be embarrassing at times but you still should have some talent that impresses her and makes her happy as an individual that you can call your own because of the disorder.

And if you still feel uncomfortable find a list of aspie geniuses and show her how it ain't so bad.

I thank you for your input very much. I don't think Asperger's is all that bad, I'm just my own worst critic, and yes, while there have been many aspie geniuses, and I myself, am quite smart in my own right, I just critique myself every day for my lack of skills in other departments. I don't feel worthless per se, just behind in some categories haha. But yes, you are right, I do have my seemingly endless areas of knowledge in things that I like. This response makes me feel a little better. I'll tell her

Your wife may love you more for telling her and being so honest. It's a big deal to share something like this with someone, and it's a great compliment that you are trusting her with this information.

If she liked you enough to marry you, and she lives with you every day, then how is it going to change anything? It just gives a name and a bit of an explanation to the stuff she's used to dealing with already.

You won't turn purple with pink polka dots and grow a penis where your nose used to be just by saying "I have this form of High Functioning Autism called Asperger Syndrome".

Here's a simple way of bringing it up. Watch Rainman and tell her - Hey, that's what I have...well, not quite that bad...

No, definitely. Definitely not that bad. I'm an excellent driver.

Of course you shall tell her. Try not to make a big deal of it but make sure you got her attention properly. You dont have to tell a lot the first time. Just some briefing about what it is and your thoughts about having this condition. She might get very interested of it or she just dont know what to say. But try not to worry about her reaction. Give her some time to melt your discussion and come back to it later on and talk further about it. You should be honest about it and tell your worries that she will leave you and so on. Hopefully she would say "of course not, Im with you in everything and no matter what condition you might have and not"

The most important is that you dont hold back on telling this to her. She needs to know, no matter how the outcome of the testings might be. Because this is important to You!

Oh yeah, and if watching "RainMan" like is suggested here. Then its important to tell that Autism is a spectrum and can vary alot between diffrent individuals. The film just shows one example. I saw it with my husband after I told him I got my diagnosis and I told what I could relate to and not and in what grade and way. You have to find and share whats You and not in it!

There's no question you should tell your wife. Just remember that it might take a while for the information to sink in (think how long you have been researching/dealing with the idea of AS - she may need a similar amount of time.)

Here are three videos that I think are excellent for explaining AS - especially since this young woman has obviously learned plenty of coping skills, so she presents herself well.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKzY3u_cUhk&feature=channel_page[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4PCKa3TNO8&feature=channel_page[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwfDq1UEWv0&feature=channel_page[/youtube]