10 yr old son

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I am new. My 10 yr old son has been diagnosed with Asperger's/ADHD. I had him diagnosed at age 4. My soon to be exhusband does not believe anything is wrong with him. My ex instisted that his doctor take him off of his medications and now my son is having a very difficult time with everyday life.

Last edited by Misy on 20 Apr 2009, 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well it sounds like you are taking the right path in cutting ties with your husband.
I was diagnosed in High School, at 17, and my mom's response was 'no, its probably just depression, i take prozac and it seems to work, you should too'. I always wonder what could have been different if my Mom had recognized something earlier (or didnt deny that she noticed anything) and not my high school guidance counselor.

Welcome, we're glad to help with any questions you have! I'm sure there are a dozens of others with similar situations that will offer up any advice you need.

My mom had the same problem with my father. He never admitted I had problems and may have been what you & others would call neglectful , towards my younger brother (an NT) and I when we were little. (He never watched us closely, took us to stores like Home Depot & Lowes, left us wander around his & his "mistress's farm" alone, him & his family made sick comments & taunted me constantly, etc. My brother especially & I came home sick &/or injured a lot as well.)
It does not sound like your husband is doing anything to taunt you by harming your child like my dad did to an extent (it was technically what you would call abuse though, he just pushed the limit as far as possible w/o crossing legal lines, just plain wrong) . We no longer have any contact w/ him! Yeah, I changed my name too !

I would trust your gut, you seem to be in tune w/ your son from what you are describing. Separation from your husband sounds like it will really benefit your son. (If you divorce, make sure to do whatever you can legally to keep him (your son) safe on visits & give him an emergency plan in case of a problem while visiting.) Also, ask his doctor/psychiatrist, etc. about putting him back on his meds or changing them & consider therapies through a private agency, hospital, or his school to help w/ issues (Speech, Occupational &/or Sensory Integration, etc. depending on your son's needs).

Emergency Plan tips: (p.s. If you are offended by this or do not think its necessary, my apologies & please ignore. I made this list based on own experiences.)

Warning (they may need to be adjusted depending on scenario):

1. Send in matching clothes w/ a sibling (shirts, sweatshirts, shoes, etc.) so they match (won't work if an only child sorry)
2. Have him plan to approach workers (cashiers, etc.) if in public & he gets upset for some reason to call you; he should probably carry your phone # & address w/ him in some form & memorize it in case his dad is like mine (he might take it or taunt him/aggravate his symptoms all day for fun) . (Sorry, my dad did this when I was 6-8 & 10 on last visit/not fun so I'm paranoid in this area). He should know what to tell the worker he approaches so he can contact you (you decide what that is).
3. Have him be prepared to go to a neighbors if their is a problem. That is if this is an option (I wish I had had it!)
4. Above all, make sure you son knows he can trust you for any problems he may have and try to keep him as relaxed as possible .

Sorry message is so long,
Good luck

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to WP,
I have also met people that don't believe in AS/ADHD. They think they are the latest buzz diagnosis'. It annoys me because I know they are very real. I hear coffee sometimes helps people with ADHD/ADD. I don't know though I don't have it. I thought I had ADD but I think it's just the AS.
And yes, good for you for cutting ties with your husband.
Sometimes I feel relieved for not having a dad, as sad as that sounds. I don't think he would believe I had AS because he had worse symptoms than me and he was one of those people that were set in their ways of thinking.

This sounds like something I was only recently blogging about.

http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2009/04/human-side-of-aspergers-diagnosis-part.html

My father wasn't terribly accepting of me as a child but things are different now.

For my own part, I was saying that my son was "normal" when he was first diagnosed but that is because I was unaware that I was an aspie myself. It was "normal" to me. Just not normal behaviour to everyone else.

I'm glad that I saw reason and I hope that your husband feels the same eventually. It's important for parents to accept the label so that they can accept the assistance. You didn't specify the medication but there is NO medication that is effective against aspergers - only against the comorbid conditions.

If, for example, the medication is Ritalin, then your son is receiving it because he has an ADHD comorbid, not because of aspergers.

Nice to meet you, Misy, and welcome to the Wrong Planet neighborhood. Here's wishing you and your son all the WP best.

Coffee in large amounts helps me out a bit...

I am ASD/ADHD and drinking coffee extremely strong does have a positive effect....
I do not take medications though and do not plan to.

To WrongPlanet!! !