I'm here to save my marriage

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My name is Pat Boards. I live in Georgia. I am married and do not have kids. I was diagnosed with Autism about 10 years ago. I am over 50 years old. Most of my adult life I have lived by myself. I have a few close friends but not many.

My best friend is my wife. I have known her for 25 years and I loved her the first day I saw her. We fought alot from the beginning. It seemed like she was always mad at me and I could never understand why and so I would get mad too. I could never seem to say how I felt so I would find another way to get my frustration out. I knocked holes in the wall, broke things and even hit her. We got counseling but she said it was not going to help and we got divorced.

After almost 10 years of her living in another house and us still being friends we decided to try and be married again but we started with the same problems. She said she didn't understand why I didn't want to be close to her. One day I finally told her I just can't handle a physical relationship. Ever since then I think she has tried really hard to accept me the way I am. When we got counseling the 2nd time I found out I'm autistic but I don't really understand what that means or what I should be doing about it.

Now we have been married for more than 10 years. My wife has been with me through alot of bad times. I have rheumatoid arthritis and was disabled on and off for the last 10 years. She has taken such good care of me and hardly asked for anything in return but it seems like whatever she does ask is something I don't know how to give.

So I am here trying to figure out more about my autism and things I can do to make it so she can have what she needs too. I asked her to help me find other autistic people to talk to and she found this website for me. I hope being here will help me and maybe my life will help someone else too.


I did not say about me. I am retired from Ford and I love music. I like most kinds of music except classical and rap. I sing in the chior. I am a Cincinnati Bengals fan. I play guitar and keyboards. My favorite singer is Neal Diamond. My favorite thing to do now that I'm retired is to go to the gym and do my swimming and the punching bag.

Perhaps you should order a couple of books that seemed to help my wife deal with me:

_Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships_ by Ashley Stanford
_The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome_ by Maxine C. Aston

While you may not intuitively, or of your own free will, engage in some of the things that your wife wants, maybe you would be willing to do some of them if she asked you to schedule it in? I know it may seem quite contrived, but if she can wrap her mind around the fact that having to schedule time with you doesn't mean you do not love her, it may work out and pave over some of the differences you have. I don't know how to make it easy, though. The hope is that if the two of you learn ways to understand and then cope with your differences, quality of life and harmony can be improved.

I am 31 and my marriage of 6+ years has had its share of fireworks. I don't break or hit things 99.9% of the time, so that has never really been a problem. It's just that I didn't know what I was doing wrong and she thought I was the biggest jerk in the world. Now we can talk about it better, and she can usually see when I am about to go into my shell. Sometimes she gets bothered with all the extra 'rules' of dealing with me, but overall she gives it a great effort and I try my best to return the favor as much as I can.

Hi, And let us remember the vows...for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, til death us do part...An amazing vow for anyone, let alone one with asperger's..We cannot expect our partner to change, we can only change ourselves.. I think of older couples, who have been married for several decades, and no longer share intimacy, yet deeply love each other..They share common interests together, like gardening, walking , cooking, etc...Church may be an option for those of faith..Women thrive on an emotional level, let her know that she is so important to you in your life, if you truly, truly want to share your life with her, and wish to someday celebrate a silver or golden anniversary together...I wish you both blessings in finding each other's heart once again, and to discover what it was that brought you two together..what are your strong points? weaknesses? hobbies? With 6 billion people on this earth, no one should be lonely. Talk to each other, as painful and humbling as it may be, talk to one another and open up to your partner.You have someone special in your life, and you both deserve to honor each other....and to be happy in this world...Life is oh- so-short..begin today.Peace...