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No_Exit
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 1 May 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 61
Location: Southern California

27 May 2009, 12:37 pm

Hello All,

I am newly diagnosed with AS at the age of 46. I spent the first four weeks in a state of shock/depression, which I understand is fairly common. Now I feel more comfortable with myself than ever. I am also moving on to the next step, which for me will be writing about my experiences and learning more about others out there in the world that are wired like me (i.e., others with AS). It's nice to know that you are out there! Previously I thought I was alone (except for my son who is on the same wavelength).

My son was diagnosed with AS three years ago. I've always been a little bit of a late bloomer. So it is not surprising that it took me an additional three years (and my wife alerting me to the possibility that AS could explain our communication difficulties) before I figured out, "gee, that explains my life with uncanny precision! And it's a much more parsimonious diagnosis than ADD + social anxiety + nonclinically significant OCD + ... + depression."

I currently reside in San Diego County (USA). I am married (18 years) and have four children (2 biological, 2 step), ages 5, 8, 23, and 25. With respect to family life, one immediate benefit of the AS diagnosis was the realization that there is a reason why my wife and I still haven't a clue what the other is trying to say after nearly 19 years as a couple. :lol: More importantly, now I can just listen to her feelings and not feel compelled to argue with her logic, while she now realizes that my predisposition for logic doesn't mean that I lack emotion. With that realization, we can cut to the chase and not worry so much about the words were are saying and instead focus on what our goals, feelings, and intentions are.

For the record, having a family (and social functions in general) have been a struggle for as long as I can recall. In regards to marraige in particular, let's just say that my third wife (yes third) is just much more persistent than my first two (the first two lasted less than 2 years combined). As for other social relationships, to this day I don't have a single close friend except for my business partner, who is NT but shares the same "special interest" (which he mistakenly believes is a "business"). In any event, I realize that I am still a royal PITA to any NT person that I am in a relationship with. I'm not sure that I will ever be able to completely eliminate this issue. But, I'm going to give it a shot and try to be a little more sensitive to their view of the world.

I struggled in school until I was 20. Through bullying, lack of interest, ADD-like issues, and other assorted issues, somehow I managed to get into college. After flunking my first two semesters at the UofA, and then taking a little time off from school, I set about "learning how to learn" in an NT environment. In the early 80s there was no such thing as "accomodation." The good news is that the analytical abilities that come with AS were helpful here and I was able to earn a BS, MS, and PHD. It was also during this period that I first began experiencing success of any kind. Prior to that I had been, as best I could tell, a failure at most things.

Though relationships remain a mystery, professional success now comes relatively easy after some intense focus on the problem from age 20 to 35. I was also fortunate enough to be able to turn one of my special interests, behavioral finance, into a business that employs roughly 30 people currently. That said, I cannot possibly take even half of the credit. I am immensely greatful for my NT business partner who has stuck with me for 15 years. He is a great person to model with respect to business-social settings and he is perfectly happy with me being the "expert" and not budening me with managerial tasks that I abhor. .

On a personal level, outside of family, I tend to focus almost exclusively on a few special interests. These tend to either stimulate my brain, require intense focus, or trigger the release of adrenaline. The best activities can do all three. I like to read in depth about topics like finance, human behvior (NT folks rely too much on emotion when they invest, which is not a good idea, btw), physics, statistics, math, and now AS/autism spectrum. I also enjoy sports car and kart racing and martial arts. The latter activities require intense focus, have an intellectual component to them, and produce gobs of adrenaline.

On the Wrong Planet Adult Forum, they also ask what music members like, "other than NIN?" My taste in music is pretty varied along the contemporary spectrum, ranging from Led Zepplin to Motown, Herbie Hancock to Pearl Jam, and Counting Crows to Godsmack.

Lastly... did I say I like to write? I am beginning to write about life on the Spectrum. Writing is therapeutic for me, and, with a little luck, my writing may also benefit others both on and off the Spectrum. A word of warning. My writing style tends to include a fair amount of irony, sarcasm and self deprication. This presents a challenge for me in regards to writing about AS because I do not want to give NT people the wrong impression of AS people.

Since many of you have probably had very similar experiences, I'd sincerely value your feedback as I start to publish my writings. (This includes saying, "Hey Doc, that was a bit over the top and might make NT folks think incorrectly that AS folks are <fill in the blank with some really bad attribute>.") I have started with a blog, which is listed in my profile (but not the "blog" link since it is hosted elsewhere. Since this is my second post here, it appears that I can't include the link in this post.

Best,

"Doc" (my nickname from a few years ago when I was still training in martial arts)