Making it Better: The future of WP

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Can we find a way to make these two mesh?

Just a suggestion to the rule writers.

Actually Hurtloam's explanation of generalizations for forum discussions was very very useful to me at least.


I know I broad brush stroked many types of ppl in the past u
In both the discussion way and the harmful way she explained. Etiquette. Very good to know.
Plus the way things are phrased like that. It enters the mind better even if it was done 100 times before in other ways..

Same with IsabellaLinton's 'way forward ' post.

Same with the examples in this thread of aspects of social dysfunctionality and how Aspergers can affect it.

As that gives glimmers of insight in how to handle possible conflict in everyday face to face interactions n prevent misinterpretation as much as possible. By seeing examples of what can go wrong and working out why by osmosis you do get a sense of the best way.

As well as how not to take things negatively /take offense in regular life by knowing from what I saw here the types of mental pitfalls that can taint my interpretation.

Also how what applies to NTs in many ways can not apply to us because of above issues.

Years ago I had someone on makeupalley accuse me of racism for sharing a joke someone had sent me .

.joke just happened to have a Chinese Doctor saying the punchline ...
but the whole point was the intentional logical fallacy the dr did jokingly to make his patient feel at ease (less uptight about health).

And I KNEW the reason the joke said Chinese and not just doctor was not racism but because Western med often looks to Eastern medicine for a different approach .esp in 70s to 90s..

and this was using that implicit trust. to show the doctor giving bogus advice in jest.

Then there was a pile on and they kept calling me racist fir sharing that joke or 'claiming' that there was a logical fallacy when they couldn't see it.
I told them my favourite cousin is half Filipino and I have no racist bone in my body as far as I could tell.

Then 1 lady lied about having seen me post racist jokes many times before yet wouldnt give any examples.
Another lady joined. I told them this was the first time I ever posted a joke so that was untrue.

Neither had any example because they were literally lying to create drama (something majority of ppl on that website relish in doing and actively say so and congratulate each other if something gets 'good' as in..essentially when they hurt someone flr entertainment. Even threatening ppls kids etc

Saw them do it countless times
.. they still do it but less.
Then I was being accused of something that wasnt there.
And That was a really bad time in my life (regular life) to begin with in many areas... so I had a shutdown that I drifted in andout of for a while.

Meaning seeing this thread shows me how 1 thing can be seen in different ways with no manipulative intent from anyone..
and paint ppl in different lights with doubts on each others intentions etc

And how one doesnt know the background that ppl could be enduring that makes the communication gap wider and unwittingly nore hurt and paranoia when simple presumption of good intent
Immediately shows the reality ...and wd mitigate a lot of problems. And also how racism is a big trigger for these things
Like a microcosm ..


So extremely helpful to cement some ideas about relating to others... in that way.

Yes the haven is not a place where it would be acceptable to point out someone for being racist. It’s not allowed. The haven is sacred. It’s not a place to cause problems or to call out other members. It’s a place to vent about things going on in your life.

Furthermore I want to make it clear that while calling out racism is allowed, that does not mean you can go around calling people racists just to stir up trouble when there’s no reason you could have to think it about them. And obviously things will need to be taken on a case by case basis. Members are sensitive and deserve to be protected from abuse masquerading as activism.

If you thought my wife's word were inappropriate, you should have reported it or just locked it without saying anything. My wife was very upset and venting. I haven't even shown her what you wrote yet. You don't have to unlock it, but Please take it down.

What she did was absolutely unconscionable. You’re allowed to vent in the haven but not at the expense of another member. Since when has it ever been ok to make a haven post like that? It was obvious what she was doing and it hurt me greatly. If you’d like to defend that, I don’t know what to say.

If I had posted like that about her how would you feel? Please answer honestly.

^ Some members here would call you a snowflake for being hurt

But sometimes accusations hurt

I would report you to the mods, just like I did when I saw your post. Pretty much an perfect equivalence. She just had the mother of all meltdowns just from hearing about this spat.

This is a discussion about accountability. You are not just a member. You are site administrator and a prominent face in the neurodiversity movement. Please show some humility and empathy. You are a public figure and represent us all. We are allowed to discuss you. You need to hold yourself to a higher standard. I have spoken my peace.

One of the drawbacks of fame

It’s not ok to ever do what she did. What she did was cruel and manipulative and one of the most hurtful things anyone has done to me. She has been attacking me repeatedly in that thread and it honestly seemed out of the blue so I ignored it. But when I saw what she wrote there and in this thread or the other one, it hurt me so much. I did not call her ableist. That was a lie. She thought it was ok to lie to members, presumably because she knew they wouldn’t check to see what I wrote.

If you are ok with what she did, I really don’t know what to say. It’s not ok to be that cruel to anyone.

This is small potatoes compared to some of the behaviour on this site.

You are hurt , now use those hurt feelings to make a f*****g difference here.

I came here with the intention of trying to help fix the issues I saw and tried my best to come up with a set of rules that reflected anti-racist principles and the pushback to this is absolutely shocking to me. I expected some dissent but the amount of people who are defending hate is just too hard for me to handle. And the attacks and bullying of me on this thread just because of me calling out racism and explaining my views are really hurtful.

At least some members like isabellalinton and league girl have had the decency to create a dialogue and try to explain where they’re coming from.

bedtime for me , goodnight

There’s nothing wrong with calling out racism.

I just don’t believe someone is automatically racist merely because they happen to be of the majority race.

White privilege is an oversimplification and borne out of an abstract concept, rather than a concrete reality.

Are folks in Appalachia living in shacks privileged by virtue of being white?

Its not okay to ever do what you did. Basically kicking her and than locking the thread. You're saying those words again. You are assuming intent. Remove them please. The only people who would know what she was talking about were people following that thread and the other, so they had the context. She was not spreading lies. She was UPSET. And it was not out of the blue, she'd been trying to build a dialogue with you in the big thread first. Maybe its a lot of work to keep track of what everyone says, but she was feeling extremely ignored and than you posted the new racism rules. That's when she got 'tough'. She was concerned about the rules promoting ableism the whole time. I am not calling you an ableist.

You said she was coming from an ableist position:


Even though she as an autist she said this earlier in the big thread:



She was very hurt by your words and then you left the thread.

I want you keep trying. I'm not bullying you. I think we can fix the issues. I've never defended racism, neither has my wife. I'm sorry you're feeling hurt.

*edit I would also like to thank you for removing the Haven thread

These issues need to be addressed and resolved asap. In a respectful and measured way.