Making it Better: The future of WP

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Maybe have a look at they posts you have made where you know people had a problem, and see if there is one (or more) factors or traits that some or all of them have in common, to help you pinpoint the cause of the problems?

There is no "problem" with being concise, direct, and truthful, except in the minds of those who want everything soft, sugar-coated, and painted in pastel colors.

Sigh - I read The_Walrus' previous post 3 times trying to make up my mind if or how to answer it.

A few of us deliberately avoided posting links to obvious rule violations or confronting the mods directly about some of their actions that contributed or instigated trouble or inaction about things that have been repeatedly reported. As a mod, you cannot always pick and choose what you like doing, sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done because it's part of your job and nobody else will.

BUT... I also understand how sh***y the job can get and that such confrontation would only put them in a defensive position where they feel they have to justify their actions somehow, even the mistakes. And this will only lead to more strife and hostility on both sides.

I know some of my posts here were harsh, but I held back as much as I could and made a significant effort to try to point out problems instead of making accusations. I'll mention again that in over 8 years here I never got as much as a cautionary warning or had any kind of conflict with any mod, past or present. The only reason I decided to speak up, knowing that it might affect my friendships here and attract some degree of hostility, is the attachment I formed for WP and many of its inhabitants over time and the hope that whether this will still be a welcoming place for me or not, it will still be here for those that need it much more than I do.

I do hope though that after things settle and people feel a bit less raw, some will go over parts of this thread and try to re-examine their own past behaviour and decisions, along with the consequences they had on others in a more detached light, for their own benefit. And while it's not my decision, it would be great IMO if some people would actually receive an apology: both because I'm old-fashion enough to think it's the right thing to do, but also because some of those who left were quietly making the moderators' job a lot easier by mediating conflicts themselves, having a stabilising influence in the PPR and the whole forum and putting a lot of effort and time into helping new members integrate or taking care of vulnerable people in the Haven. These people will be very difficult to replace and I hope at least an attempt to reach out to them will be made.

Because no matter how heated up this thread got at times, most of us really want to let bygones be bygones and find a way to move on/forward in a fashion that will prevent history from repeating itself.

There's a whole lot of space in between the two of those. You don't do gray, do you?

Yes, I "do gray"; but what's the point when posting something as innocuous as "Have a nice day!" can get me reported for bullying, hostile intent, and sarcasm all at once?  You might want to have a look around and see who else might be engaged in "Black & White" thinking, starting with those who complain about me the most.

I've seen your Have a nice day! and interpreted them as sarcasm myself. But are you seriously telling me that you've been reported to the mods for them?

When mods caution me against making sarcastic comments, I have to assume that either someone reported me for them or the mods acted on their own initiative.  Either way, no matter what I post, it seems that someone will object to it.

I honestly can’t remember who was saying it, so I’m not singling anyone out or holding any grudges. I just got a bit scared of the thread as a whole even though I knew a lot of people were making constructive comments. I appreciate that the ambiguity could be stressful for some people so I’m sorry.

Your suggestion that I PM people to get their thoughts is a good one. It shows real wisdom. I should probably do that more often. I guess I’d be concerned about either being seen as nosy or perhaps as domineering, but perhaps that’s better than being ineffectual.

Asking an offender about intent is as effective as the questionnaire we had to fill out on the plane on the way to the US. One of the questions was if I planned on doing anything criminal while there Would anyone be dumb enough to say yes?

Sigh - I read The_Walrus' previous post 3 times trying to make up my mind if or how to answer it.

A few of us deliberately avoided posting links to obvious rule violations or confronting the mods directly about some of their actions that contributed or instigated trouble or inaction about things that have been repeatedly reported. As a mod, you cannot always pick and choose what you like doing, sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done because it's part of your job and nobody else will.

BUT... I also understand how sh***y the job can get and that such confrontation would only put them in a defensive position where they feel they have to justify their actions somehow, even the mistakes. And this will only lead to more strife and hostility on both sides.

I know some of my posts here were harsh, but I held back as much as I could and made a significant effort to try to point out problems instead of making accusations. I'll mention again that in over 8 years here I never got as much as a cautionary warning or had any kind of conflict with any mod, past or present. The only reason I decided to speak up, knowing that it might affect my friendships here and attract some degree of hostility, is the attachment I formed for WP and many of its inhabitants over time and the hope that whether this will still be a welcoming place for me or not, it will still be here for those that need it much more than I do.

I do hope though that after things settle and people feel a bit less raw, some will go over parts of this thread and try to re-examine their own past behaviour and decisions, along with the consequences they had on others in a more detached light, for their own benefit. And while it's not my decision, it would be great IMO if some people would actually receive an apology: both because I'm old-fashion enough to think it's the right thing to do, but also because some of those who left were quietly making the moderators' job a lot easier by mediating conflicts themselves, having a stabilising influence in the PPR and the whole forum and putting a lot of effort and time into helping new members integrate or taking care of vulnerable people in the Haven. These people will be very difficult to replace and I hope at least an attempt to reach out to them will be made.

Because no matter how heated up this thread got at times, most of us really want to let bygones be bygones and find a way to move on/forward in a fashion that will prevent history from repeating itself.

I don't believe you will lose any friends or get any animosity over your posts BR

... some people still see things in terms of taking sides, and grudges tend to last a long time on this site...

The s**t that people have been posting that was said to Sly - I honestly hadn’t seen any of that. It’s obviously unacceptable and the mangy dog thing should have resulted in a ban.

... Aspies often offend by miscommunication.

What is meant by what is posted should not be assumed beyond that which is obvious.  If clarification is needed, then the person who submitted the post should be queried.  Assuming hostile intent before such a query is made is an injustice that rarely, if ever, gets corrected.