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can the popularity contest threads stop?

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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21 May 2011, 5:47 pm

Verdandi wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Meow101 wrote:
Just a suggestion...dunno if it would work. How about a subforum for all these flirting, popularity, socialization threads? I mean, there is a forum for political/religious debate...if anyone feels intimidated or put off by that, they can avoid that forum. That way it doesn't "take over" the site and people who want to participate wouldn't be denied their fun. If people want to try to join in, they can. If they don't they can just pass the forum by, as they'd pass by any other subforum that didn't interest them. Some people might visit now and then when they are doing better, but avoid it otherwise (I'd probably fall into that category).

Just an idea...

~Kate


I thought that's what the General Discussions forum was for.


General Discussions seems to be mainly about people talking about how autism affects them. The flirting/popularity/socializing threads tend to get moved to Members Only - I saw two that were posted in General in Members Only just yesterday.

If General Discussions turned into the social flirty scene where would the general supportive discussions about autism go - I mean the stuff that doesn't really go into the Haven?


Isn't that what General Autism Discussion is for?


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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21 May 2011, 5:48 pm

League_Girl wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
League_Girl wrote:


I don't really care if people leave the site.


I care, and I think everyone should.


Care about what? People leaving? Or care about popularity threads?


Sorry, I was distracted and forgot to cut the quote to include only what I was responding to.


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21 May 2011, 5:55 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Meow101 wrote:
Just a suggestion...dunno if it would work. How about a subforum for all these flirting, popularity, socialization threads? I mean, there is a forum for political/religious debate...if anyone feels intimidated or put off by that, they can avoid that forum. That way it doesn't "take over" the site and people who want to participate wouldn't be denied their fun. If people want to try to join in, they can. If they don't they can just pass the forum by, as they'd pass by any other subforum that didn't interest them. Some people might visit now and then when they are doing better, but avoid it otherwise (I'd probably fall into that category).

Just an idea...

~Kate


I thought that's what the General Discussions forum was for.


There's a lot more serious discussion that goes on in there, about Autism Speaks, about different approaches to diagnosis, treatments, questions people have regarding autism/AS, etc. I don't really think that's the appropriate place to have threads about who's the hottest WP member and who's well-liked, etc. Maybe the forum for off-topic stuff, I don't know.

I'm not saying no one should ever banter or joke or get a wee bit off-topic in any other subforum...just that this popularity stuff in a forum where a lot of people have struggled with being UNpopular or more ignored than anything else is naturally going to become resented when it is in everyone's face so much of the time. I think it's reasonable for people to wander off topic or banter a little--no one should be expected not to...but this "who's hot and who's not" stuff should be reserved for somewhere that those who don't participate in it don't have to look at it. MOST people on an AS/autism forum have been excluded from that kind of social recognition for a lot of their lives and to have it happen where they're coming for support and to escape NT social hierarchies where they end up at the bottom is a little much to expect of THEM, IMO. And it *is* exclusion to read the same people's names on a list of the "popular" and never have yours there, no matter how much you might think it isn't.

~Kate


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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21 May 2011, 5:58 pm

Meow101 wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Meow101 wrote:
Just a suggestion...dunno if it would work. How about a subforum for all these flirting, popularity, socialization threads? I mean, there is a forum for political/religious debate...if anyone feels intimidated or put off by that, they can avoid that forum. That way it doesn't "take over" the site and people who want to participate wouldn't be denied their fun. If people want to try to join in, they can. If they don't they can just pass the forum by, as they'd pass by any other subforum that didn't interest them. Some people might visit now and then when they are doing better, but avoid it otherwise (I'd probably fall into that category).

Just an idea...

~Kate


I thought that's what the General Discussions forum was for.


There's a lot more serious discussion that goes on in there, about Autism Speaks, about different approaches to diagnosis, treatments, questions people have regarding autism/AS, etc. I don't really think that's the appropriate place to have threads about who's the hottest WP member and who's well-liked, etc. Maybe the forum for off-topic stuff, I don't know.

I'm not saying no one should ever banter or joke or get a wee bit off-topic in any other subforum...just that this popularity stuff in a forum where a lot of people have struggled with being UNpopular or more ignored than anything else is naturally going to become resented when it is in everyone's face so much of the time. I think it's reasonable for people to wander off topic or banter a little--no one should be expected not to...but this "who's hot and who's not" stuff should be reserved for somewhere that those who don't participate in it don't have to look at it. MOST people on an AS/autism forum have been excluded from that kind of social recognition for a lot of their lives and to have it happen where they're coming for support and to escape NT social hierarchies where they end up at the bottom is a little much to expect of THEM, IMO. And it *is* exclusion to read the same people's names on a list of the "popular" and never have yours there, no matter how much you might think it isn't.

~Kate


You just described General Autism Discussion. :scratch:


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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21 May 2011, 6:04 pm

Sorry everyone, I was talking about Random Discussion. Didn't mean to confuse anyone.


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21 May 2011, 6:09 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Sorry everyone, I was talking about Random Discussion. Didn't mean to confuse anyone.


Oh, okay. Random discussion might be a good place to put those threads. I thought you meant the general autism discussion board.

~Kate


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21 May 2011, 6:14 pm

League_Girl wrote:
People with learning disabilities or with ADD can feel bad about themselves on bad days when they see other members seem to understand what they are reading, why not ban those threads too? Get rid of the complicated threads, remove them at once.


But then again I don't care if I have this issue. But I bet others feel bad about themselves when they have it. Maybe we should complain about those threads too and get rid of the PPR so members won't feel dumb.


If we cater to something, then we would have to cater to other things too and then what would this place become? It be a double standard if they discouraged them but don't discourage the other threads people find it hard to comprehend what they are saying. It would sure suck if threads always got locked because some people couldn't understand what was being said in it so they were feeling bad about themselves, especially if they were having a bad day.

So that is why I disagree with this.


Alll that is being asked is for members to be extra sensitive to the fact that certain types of posts are PARTICULARLY likely to unintentionally hurt others and, thus, do their best to be more sensitive to it.

Why "cater" to this one more than others? Because it comes up often and the issue is entirely avoidable. No one is complaining about being hurt when Dox talks about his marriage. But over and over I hear people say they are hurt by the "I like so and so" threads. It's not much different from the day a friend of my daughter's handed out party invitations to 5 friends but not her, right while she was standing with the group. Pretty much everyone knows that hurts and should not be done.

While I'll buy Dox's argument that learning to be sensitive is hard, I don't buy the argument that dozens of things can in theory cause hurt feelings and, thus, trying to draw a line is useless. I've made a point in this thread of saying exactly how and where to draw the line.

The last few pages here have advanced into some viable suggestions, so I know it can be worked out. I think it is important for all the members involved to WANT to work it out, and not just say, "don't care" or " that's silly." When anyone hurts we SHOULD ALWAYS at least care and THINK about if there is anything we can do to be less a part of the problem. It's just human kindness.


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21 May 2011, 6:23 pm

computerlove wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
computerlove wrote:
that's why it's been said to death that he can participate where he likes, or create threads where he wants.

*yawns*


Wrong answer, IMHO.

Better answer: "I am sorry he feels that way and will try harder to make sure he is acknowledged if we're posting in the same threads."

Why is that so hard?
I'll try :thumleft:


Thank you.


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21 May 2011, 6:34 pm

There are a few people in this thread that, not so long ago, I invested a LOT of my time with, days on end, literally, trying to make sure they could have a positive experience and continue as members here. I did that because I don't like to see anyone left out or hurt or upset. To those posters: I realize it's a new challenge to figure out, but maybe the issues in this thread show some ways you could pay that forward, help someone else be a more accepted and valued member here. You're at points that I believe you could do it if you wanted to. But first you have to make that decision, to want to.

Don't answer in this thread. Just think about it.


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21 May 2011, 6:34 pm

Typical of me: I didn't even notice there were popularity threads here.

On the last forum I was on, I posted a lot and began receiving comments from other members that I was popular there. That freaked me out and I promptly deleted my account there. I think you can develop a following on any forum simply by posting a lot and regularly over a period of time. Of course, a lot of the time the "following" is more like a lynch mob. But the one and only time I happened to develop any popularity in my life, it felt terribly wrong and I seriously wanted to be invisible again.



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21 May 2011, 6:37 pm

MollyTroubletail wrote:
Typical of me: I didn't even notice there were popularity threads here.

On the last forum I was on, I posted a lot and began receiving comments from other members that I was popular there. That freaked me out and I promptly deleted my account there. I think you can develop a following on any forum simply by posting a lot and regularly over a period of time. Of course, a lot of the time the "following" is more like a lynch mob. But the one and only time I happened to develop any popularity in my life, it felt terribly wrong and I seriously wanted to be invisible again.


I almost left WP when I was told I was part of the popular crowd, so I know exactly what you mean.


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21 May 2011, 6:44 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Isn't that what General Autism Discussion is for?


There's only one General forum - General Autism Discussion. Did you mean Random Discussions?

General Discussions is a general category that includes General Autism Discussion, Getting to Know Each Other, Autism Politics, News and Current Events, and the Other Psychological Conditions forum.



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21 May 2011, 7:03 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
MollyTroubletail wrote:
Typical of me: I didn't even notice there were popularity threads here.

On the last forum I was on, I posted a lot and began receiving comments from other members that I was popular there. That freaked me out and I promptly deleted my account there. I think you can develop a following on any forum simply by posting a lot and regularly over a period of time. Of course, a lot of the time the "following" is more like a lynch mob. But the one and only time I happened to develop any popularity in my life, it felt terribly wrong and I seriously wanted to be invisible again.


I almost left WP when I was told I was part of the popular crowd, so I know exactly what you mean.



I was told by two people they always thought I was popular. That surprised me. I don't get lot of attention here nor tons of PMs or responses to lot of my posts. Plus my threads don't get many pages long nor many responses. I can only think of a few but those were like general questions I asked. So how could I be popular?

Then I remember someone saying in another thread that they view anyone as popular when they have lot of posts counts. Maybe that's why.



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21 May 2011, 7:08 pm

League_Girl wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
MollyTroubletail wrote:
Typical of me: I didn't even notice there were popularity threads here.

On the last forum I was on, I posted a lot and began receiving comments from other members that I was popular there. That freaked me out and I promptly deleted my account there. I think you can develop a following on any forum simply by posting a lot and regularly over a period of time. Of course, a lot of the time the "following" is more like a lynch mob. But the one and only time I happened to develop any popularity in my life, it felt terribly wrong and I seriously wanted to be invisible again.


I almost left WP when I was told I was part of the popular crowd, so I know exactly what you mean.



I was told by two people they always thought I was popular. That surprised me. I don't get lot of attention here nor tons of PMs or responses to lot of my posts. Plus my threads don't get many pages long nor many responses. I can only think of a few but those were like general questions I asked. So how could I be popular?

Then I remember someone saying in another thread that they view anyone as popular when they have lot of posts counts. Maybe that's why.


I have anxiety that someone is going to say I'm popular, which strikes me as a bit silly for me to worry about.

I remember once I was on a forum where it was suggested that people with high posts counts had a kind of secret influence over the people in charge of the forum. It was really strange. People also loved to flame others for their number of posts.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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21 May 2011, 7:12 pm

Verdandi wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Isn't that what General Autism Discussion is for?


There's only one General forum - General Autism Discussion. Did you mean Random Discussions?

General Discussions is a general category that includes General Autism Discussion, Getting to Know Each Other, Autism Politics, News and Current Events, and the Other Psychological Conditions forum.


Yes. That was my mistake. IDK why, but I always think of Random Discussion as General Discussion. :shrug:


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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21 May 2011, 7:13 pm

League_Girl wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
MollyTroubletail wrote:
Typical of me: I didn't even notice there were popularity threads here.

On the last forum I was on, I posted a lot and began receiving comments from other members that I was popular there. That freaked me out and I promptly deleted my account there. I think you can develop a following on any forum simply by posting a lot and regularly over a period of time. Of course, a lot of the time the "following" is more like a lynch mob. But the one and only time I happened to develop any popularity in my life, it felt terribly wrong and I seriously wanted to be invisible again.


I almost left WP when I was told I was part of the popular crowd, so I know exactly what you mean.



I was told by two people they always thought I was popular. That surprised me. I don't get lot of attention here nor tons of PMs or responses to lot of my posts. Plus my threads don't get many pages long nor many responses. I can only think of a few but those were like general questions I asked. So how could I be popular?

Then I remember someone saying in another thread that they view anyone as popular when they have lot of posts counts. Maybe that's why.


Not quite what I was talking about. I was told I was in the Adult 'clique'.


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