can the popularity contest threads stop?

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21 May 2011, 7:40 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Verdandi wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Isn't that what General Autism Discussion is for?

There's only one General forum - General Autism Discussion. Did you mean Random Discussions?

General Discussions is a general category that includes General Autism Discussion, Getting to Know Each Other, Autism Politics, News and Current Events, and the Other Psychological Conditions forum.

Yes. That was my mistake. IDK why, but I always think of Random Discussion as General Discussion. :shrug:

Yeah, it does seem to be a good place for such things, and seems to already have several (unless I misread the topic titles).

League_Girl
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21 May 2011, 8:37 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

MollyTroubletail wrote:

Typical of me: I didn't even notice there were popularity threads here.

On the last forum I was on, I posted a lot and began receiving comments from other members that I was popular there. That freaked me out and I promptly deleted my account there. I think you can develop a following on any forum simply by posting a lot and regularly over a period of time. Of course, a lot of the time the "following" is more like a lynch mob. But the one and only time I happened to develop any popularity in my life, it felt terribly wrong and I seriously wanted to be invisible again.

I almost left WP when I was told I was part of the popular crowd, so I know exactly what you mean.

I was told by two people they always thought I was popular. That surprised me. I don't get lot of attention here nor tons of PMs or responses to lot of my posts. Plus my threads don't get many pages long nor many responses. I can only think of a few but those were like general questions I asked. So how could I be popular?

Then I remember someone saying in another thread that they view anyone as popular when they have lot of posts counts. Maybe that's why.

Not quite what I was talking about. I was told I was in the Adult 'clique'.

And I was told here in the wrongplanet.net bored I believe. I can't remember which thread that was in.

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21 May 2011, 9:10 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

katzefrau wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

it's clear you interpreted it all as hostile and/or dismissive when my participation in this discussion is in fact the exact opposite.

i did in fact interpret it as dismissive, because you have said things like this:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

someone can learn to wear sunglasses to help with light sensitivity and something to muffle loud noises. It's their problem, and they need to find a way to handle it without making everyone around them conform to them.

perhaps it is not (and perhaps you are not) actually dismissive, but this (above) seems to me to be an outsider's perspective; an insider's (or sympathetic) perspective is more like this: it's very helpful to learn how to accommodate your own needs and sensitivities better, as other people will not understand that the difficulties presented by (for example) your sensory sensitivities. they may not realize they are aggravating them or being insensitive to what you are experiencing, since they do not experience things the same way.

people do not impose their disabilities on other people. they suffer far more than those around them.

i do misinterpret a lot of things. i do not understand your intentions despite having seen many many of your posts.

I'm sorry. I've read this and the rest of your post 3 times now and I really don't understand. Perhaps I'll process it better after some sleep. It's been a long day.

i actually had trouble following the bit (of my post) that you've quoted, reading it today. i was tired, the thought was convoluted and there are typos.

i was giving an example of something you've said in this discussion that came across as dismissive, as you believe your participation here to be anything but. i still think that it seems dismissive. of course no one can make anyone conform to them. however someone who has issues with things that are easier for other people should feel comfortable requesting accommodations or at least compassion from other people rather than just "finding a way to handle it."

Dox47 wrote:

all of this angst about "cliques" and such would properly be called hating, the envy driven outrage at the good fortune of others. AS may explain the impulse, but it does not excuse it.

good fortune?

is popularity - to the exclusion of others - good fortune? i think it is selfish.

please do not turn this into a PPR styled debate of pinning down your opposition with semantics.

people who feel excluded or marginalized by cliquish behavior are not "haters" and it is not proper to call them that; it is bullying.

Meow101 wrote:

MOST people on an AS/autism forum have been excluded from that kind of social recognition for a lot of their lives and to have it happen where they're coming for support and to escape NT social hierarchies where they end up at the bottom is a little much to expect of THEM, IMO.

agree.

as an aside, if i had any idea this post would get so much attention i'd have thought it out more carefully, or posted in another section where it would have just appeared to be a rant. understanding is the solution here, not an explicit ban on any particular type of post. for a support website, it's a little disturbing how negatively people tend to respond when someone is upset by something. there are always people who try to reason out why they have no right to be upset. that makes people more upset, not less so.

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22 May 2011, 6:48 am

katzefrau wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

all of this angst about "cliques" and such would properly be called hating, the envy driven outrage at the good fortune of others. AS may explain the impulse, but it does not excuse it.

Popularity is not a zero sum game; one person being popular does not mean that there is less "popularity" to go around for everyone else. I also fail to see how being social in a way that makes people like you is being "selfish", especially when contrasted with complaining about other people enjoying themselves in public in an attempt to make them stop. There seems to be a real projection of malice onto people who are just being themselves going on here, my personal speculation is that it is some variant of hostility to behavior being seen as "NT" since the tone and claims are very similar. I'm also not interested in semantics, but I prefer to call things what they are, and resenting the success of others, whether it's financial, social, or romantic, is textbook hater behavior. That's not bullying, that's just straight talk.

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22 May 2011, 6:49 am

computerlove wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

computerlove wrote:

TallyMan wrote:

2. To provide a social outlet.

If b9 feels left out, its because HE perceives himself as being left out. Honestly man, just blend it, add to the conversation, create, contribute, and enjoy the site in little chocolate snippets.

wheter you like it or not, the only constant is change.

Because autism doesn't make that difficult at all, especially in the type of hypersocial threads that are being spoken of here.

that's why it's been said to death that he can participate where he likes, or create threads where he wants.

*yawns*

And what happens when serious threads get derailed by the chat, which I've read multiple complaints about?

*ignores yawn; obviously it was a sign that computerlove is too tired to argue properly*

Personally I don't have a problem with the chat in itself; it annoys me and I don't understand it, but that's no reason for it to be banned. I don't see, though why there have to be dozens of threads where people are flirting with each other and talking about cupcakes, but again, no real reason to ban such threads.
I DO have a huge problem with it when the chatting takes over serious discussions and alienates the less-socially-able majority of the site, and when complaints are met with a mean-spiriting "Just suck it up and participate"... I would suggest that some people need to remind themselves of what autism is.
I made a post that sums up my thoughts about the situation in another thread, but I can't find it to quote.

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22 May 2011, 9:17 am

Who_Am_I wrote:

Personally I don't have a problem with the chat in itself; it annoys me and I don't understand it, but that's no reason for it to be banned. I don't see, though why there have to be dozens of threads where people are flirting with each other and talking about cupcakes, but again, no real reason to ban such threads.
I DO have a huge problem with it when the chatting takes over serious discussions and alienates the less-socially-able majority of the site, and when complaints are met with a mean-spiriting "Just suck it up and participate"... I would suggest that some people need to remind themselves of what autism is.
I made a post that sums up my thoughts about the situation in another thread, but I can't find it to quote.

That's why I think that, outside of just plain old bantering or joking, which doesn't derail a thread, such threads might be moved into an "off topic" area such as Random Discussion, so as not to alienate people who don't want to or can't participate in them. There's a difference between light banter while still staying on topic and taking off in another direction entirely, or posting a thread about who's the hottest WP member or who you like best. Such things are bound to hurt people who are not mentioned, especially in a forum such as this one, where people have been excluded all their lives, so putting the threads somewhere they don't have to see them unless they choose to seems like a good solution to me. It's better than banning the threads, and better than letting them take over the whole site, IMO.

~Kate

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22 May 2011, 11:58 am

katzefrau wrote:

i was giving an example of something you've said in this discussion that came across as dismissive, as you believe your participation here to be anything but. i still think that it seems dismissive. of course no one can make anyone conform to them. however someone who has issues with things that are easier for other people should feel comfortable requesting accommodations or at least compassion from other people rather than just "finding a way to handle it."

I understand how it can seem dismissive. At this point, all I can say is it is anything but and hope you believe me and take any further interactions with me as less hostile or dismissive.

I'm rarely hostile or dismissive, really. I suppose we just disagree on a solution and neither one of us will budge. This makes further participation in this thread pointless, so I'll just acknowledge your feelings have been hurt and try to keep that in mind from now on.

I don't like hurting people's feelings anymore than I like having mine hurt.

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22 May 2011, 1:18 pm

Dox47 wrote:

katzefrau wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

all of this angst about "cliques" and such would properly be called hating, the envy driven outrage at the good fortune of others. AS may explain the impulse, but it does not excuse it.

Exactly. Some of the comments I've seen in this thread really lead me to believe that it comes down to 'I'm having a bad day. There's happy people. They should be unhappy too, because I'm unhappy' This whole thing is a ridiculous debacle and I'm glad you described it accurately and eloquently

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22 May 2011, 1:59 pm

I think you're missing the point but I also realise - like Tea - that my presence in this thread is useless.

I'd like to thank those who participated in a constructive manner (representing both "sides") and those who took the time to offer feedback privately.

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22 May 2011, 2:27 pm

Vigilans wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

katzefrau wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

all of this angst about "cliques" and such would properly be called hating, the envy driven outrage at the good fortune of others. AS may explain the impulse, but it does not excuse it.

I think it's called projecting. People who are unhappy want others to feel the same way so they will try and make it happen.

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22 May 2011, 2:32 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Vigilans wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

katzefrau wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

all of this angst about "cliques" and such would properly be called hating, the envy driven outrage at the good fortune of others. AS may explain the impulse, but it does not excuse it.

I think it's called projecting. People who are unhappy want others to feel the same way so they will try and make it happen.

I believe that projection is actually when you mis-recognise something you yourself are doing and attribute it to something external.

e.g. seeing someone else as behaving unreasonably, when you are in fact behaving unreasonably.

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22 May 2011, 2:55 pm

Moog wrote:

Correct.

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22 May 2011, 6:44 pm

Sallamandrina wrote:

why do you think it is useless? because people are entrenched in their viewpoints and can't be forced to udnerstand each other's opinions, or another reason?

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22 May 2011, 6:54 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

Sallamandrina wrote:

why do you think it is useless? because people are entrenched in their viewpoints and can't be forced to udnerstand each other's opinions, or another reason?

That and all the projection and intolerance. I was interested in this thread because I wanted to hear what both sides have to say. I have and it's obvious that mediation or compromise isn't possible at this point.

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22 May 2011, 7:34 pm

Moog wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Vigilans wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

katzefrau wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

all of this angst about "cliques" and such would properly be called hating, the envy driven outrage at the good fortune of others. AS may explain the impulse, but it does not excuse it.

I think it's called projecting. People who are unhappy want others to feel the same way so they will try and make it happen.

Oh darn now I am confused about the word again unless those other people have misused it themselves.

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22 May 2011, 8:21 pm

Sallamandrina wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Sallamandrina wrote:

why do you think it is useless? because people are entrenched in their viewpoints and can't be forced to udnerstand each other's opinions, or another reason?

So I'll just have to stay away from certain areas of the site (that is, everywhere except the haven, where such threads haven't penetrated yet) if I'm not up to dealing with it, I guess. Ah well, no different from the rest of the world. I was hoping that there would be some fruitful discussion as well, but for some reason, it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere.

~Kate

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