Community Dynamics

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We want a place where we can chat without feeling like we're doing something wrong. We do not want to tell people to suck it. There is a vast difference.

I find it concerning that you just brushed off what I said about your suggestion and called it 'viable'. It's just not.

Sure, the forum should be usable for everyone... but that includes us.

I'm sorry you don't like my idea. But we aren't excluding you. You have your spaces. There's at least half a dozen threads on adult autism devoted to chat at any given time, as well as the one we gave you as an attempt to cater for your needs. We're hardly ogres. That we can't provide you with a forum is not our fault.

Well It's not just for a small bunch of people, its for everyone who chooses to post there.

In practice those threads are used by a certain demographic of WP forum users. And that's fine! We all need a space. We all gravitate to certain things.

I don't have anywhere to express myself the way I want to at all here. That's why I do stuff away from WP.

At least we agree on this point. I, though, try.

When I was a moderator at the parenting community, we had many people create their own boards. Whether it was intended or not, these boards became exclusive. Eventually, the board (to survive and out of people getting comfortable) serves the purpose of the larger one and most members no longer post in the larger community. It also makes it harder to have new members to wander in. I'm not looking for that. There are several new faces over the past couple weeks that are great! Heck, 2 months, I was one of those faces! My first choice would not be to "go away". I also really have no interest in excluding people.

I think my problem is this:

Last night, I sat down to count who I expect to see in the Adult Issues forum almost every day. I got up to 26 usernames. Then I counted people that aren't there every day, but at least weekly. I could think of another 14 usernames. (I am sure there are more in both groups, but it was late and Xanax kicked in...) On top of this, others wander in and out with ease.

I fail to see the problem. On a site, specifically devoted to autism, that is an active, successful subforum. Are a handful of people going to complain? Yes. It's not an autism thing. It's a message board thing. I'm sure being Aspie can magnify the issues (I get extra sensitive too!). At some point, we have to be adults though and click through the things we don't like (just as I do everywhere else on the internet).

Questions for Mods:

An off-WP forum is being suggested. This is not my first choice, but if this ends up being the only option....

1. Are we allowed to place a poll in Adult Issues to see if anyone would even be interested in an off WP site to compliment their WP usage?

If certain among you don't want to abide with a few measly directives intended to be for the benefit of the entire WP membership, then you might consider it.



I can see no reason why not.

Ideed can post the poll and discuss it but please remember to keep things civil and free of personal attacks.

Since I wasn't directly involved in all this drama I also have a question - is this thread only asking for a new forum in which case I'll mind my own business and let you discuss it with the only person who can do that or is there anything else you want from the moderation team?

I'm not interested in pointing fingers, opinions on how the site should be administered or anything like that, I'd only like to know if you have any specific issues that the moderators can actually help with.

That's not fair. The only directives were that the picture thread stayed less chatty, but pictures start chat. There's a fine line between commenting on pictures and it sparking conversation. The only other complaint I've seen is to include others. People are welcomed in the forum every day. Apparently, some don't feel that way. I don't know who there are or why they feel that way. We really do try, though.

At the same time, I see the frequent posters getting attacked. This doesn't happen in other subforums that have the same exact dynamic. It's not that anyone doesn't want to follow directives, but we'd like to have fun and support without it turning into drama for us every other week too.

Nothing personal towards you, abaisse.

The hot aspies thread probably would still be open now, if it wasn't for one individual's blatant and deliberate disregard of moderator directives.



I think you guys have talked yourselves and each other into thinking things are much worse than they are. All we want is to keep Adult Autism Discussion from being totally taken over by the chat virus. I know that you guys love chatting, but we have to keep it reasonable. That's all.



I don't see the same dynamic occurring anywhere else.

I want people to have fun too, but I want them to contain that fun within certain boundaries, because other people don't want the kind of fun that you all do, and it's not fair to impose it everywhere. Leave some room for everyone else to enjoy the forum in the way that they choose.

I agree. By doing this it would just be accomplishing what these complainy-pants users are actually complaining about: exclusion of certain members. I go to the Adult forum and I don't see exclusion, I see a happy and entertaining group of people. This is a support community, yes, but to many their idea of support is exactly what goes on there. It is unfair to punish the most vocal/visible group because some people resent them for their own self-centered reasons.




Am I the only person here who doesn't see cliques and exclusion because I don't care about such concepts? I post in all those forums, and I've never thought once about 'mixing' with people in different ways depending on the sub-forum context. This is high school, plain and simple- and only from the people complaining, who need to grow up

Exactly.

Just to summarize, so far your group has called the people who are being made uncomfortable:

Whiny
Boring
Complainy-pants
Self-centered

It has been suggested that they:

Suck it up and post
Learn how to adapt
Be adults
Grow up

This despite the fact that none of you has the first idea who any of the people complaining are, but paint them with this negative brush and somehow do so while arguing that they have no right to feel like this group is unfriendly to them.

Overall I get a strong feeling that those who identify themselves as "frequent posters" feel they are entitled to what they want more than those they have defined as "lurkers". They feel that they contribute a higher post count and therefore are more entitled or more important to the overall scheme of things. Am I incorrect?

I'm part of a group? I always figured I was a loner


I don't spend enough time in the Adult section to see unfriendliness going on, but I can understand why people here are upset that they're being pointed out. But I don't feel more entitled to anything more than anybody. I just think that if people don't like the way the posters in question interact, they can just not read their posts or threads, as they aren't directing them at anybody, and their group dynamics are their support... But whatever, I was just stating my opinion as someone who isn't really a regular there but doesn't feel excluded, either

I am totally oblivious to the issue behind all this discussion, so I cannot say what does or does not apply, but I will note this:

If those terms and opinions are coming out here, then odds are they are coming out in some way, shape or form on the board. Which means that the outsiders are being told at least indirectly that they are not respected or wanted. Some people will notice it and others will not, but the fact that many don't does not make it any less real for those who do.

Aspies are just as capable of acting in all the ways that the popular crowd did in high school, finding affirmation among their friends to continue actions that actually hurt others who are not part of the group. Not because anyone intends to be that way, but because it is, simply, easier to be blind to the flip side of it than to not be blind to the flip side of it.

Food for thought.