can the popularity contest threads stop?

Post Reply New Topic

That's ridiculous. Nobody wants other people to be unhappy. THEY don't want to be excluded, as they are when certain people are always being named as "hot, well liked, dateable, whatever" and their names never come up. Give me a BREAK.

~Kate

Sorry Kate, I thought I made it clear from the start that I have no power of decision in this issue. All I can do is talk to people and try to explain the effect their behaviour has on others. I often do it privately with more success and I am almost surprised myself how many are willing to make a compromise if asked nicely once they understand the circumstances. So I tried to raise some awareness here but beside not being the best communicator myself there are other factors playing a very important role in public threads with numerous participants and I failed. I'll keep doing what I can through one-on-one communication - it won't bring a huge change or anything like that but I'd rather do small things if they are in my power than nothing at all.

I know you (and the other mods) aren't really able to do much about it except ask those involved to try not to engage in behavior that might be hurting others. It's a tricky issue, because it's not about out-and-out violations of TOS but rather about behavior that is "fun" for some people but quite uncomfortable for others. I understand. I was just hoping there could be more productive discussion.

~Kate

Other people have likely mis-used it. Especially if you're talking about babycenter.

So then what? Don't post at all because there should be consideration that a few people might be feeling really down, and seeing random strangers they have never even talked to somehow infuriates them?
If someone were to be really, deliberately exclusionary, they would name names, or act purposely obtuse towards that person. Thus I interpret this thread as 'accidental exclusion by limited levels of internet social cohesion' . I don't know how this situation is going to change, if people are feeling excluded because there is some banter between members who are (and sometimes are not) familiar with each other.
As to the whole hot or not stuff... who cares?

Like I said, I don't see a huge issue with people joking and bantering. That has always happened, is happening, and will always happen. I don't think many people have an issue with that unless it gets a thread waaaaaay off topic. People feel excluded when these popularity threads get posted and they are excluded from them...how much more obvious do I have to get? People on this site, in particular, tend to have been excluded that way because of their AS/autism, and so it tends to be a sore point with them---THUS, they are more likely to be hurt by such threads than other people might be.

No, it's not a violation of TOS, and yes, it's probably overkill to ban them...but can we think about how other people feel when they see this stuff? Is it really too much to ask?

~Kate

Well I eventually learned that is means people try and pass their issues onto you like if they feel bad about themselves, they try and make it be all about them when a situation isn't about them. Or they have low self esteem so they try and make the other person feel bad so they feel good, or they are self centered themselves so they say you're self centered when really, they are the ones being self centered, not you.

Someone here told my my ex was projecting me when I talked about what he was accusing me of when he was doing it himself.

Maybe I figured out the word wrong.

Now at least to me, to exclude someone requires a deliberate effort and a specific target; what I'm seeing is people complaining about being overlooked, a whole different kettle of fish. I think people are getting you just fine, they just don't agree with your reasoning.

It would seem so. All it means is you see in others what's in yourself, whether it's there or not.

For example, Person A is upset and wants to argue. Person B Is confused but relaxed. When person B speaks, person A views them as angry and argumentative.

Mmm, it only takes one domino to start a chain of dominoes to move, thats the beauty of the domino effect as its both lazy and effective in shifting paradigms of thought. One-on-one communication can make an huge change just that one person! Thats the only thing we can do as "starfish throwers".

As Aspies many people have been excluded, overlooked, marginalized, ignored, and have been hurt in this manner far too many times, so can anyone really blame them for not liking it? And can anyone blame them for asking people in the one place where they look NOT to be treated this way not to do this?

In my opinion, those fighting to keep doing this have reached some level of social success for the first time and don't care if it's at the expense of others. They really ought to take that under consideration, given that it's likely been done at their expense at some point.

~Kate

I've been watching this thread with interest, and am not sure where I stand. I can see both sides of the argument.
Whilst I do think the popularity threads can be upsetting to many who have not yet voiced themselves in this thread, I believe I may have been suspect somewhat to alienating people out of threads, which I try not to do.

Picking up on a previous point, I don't think unhappy people want other people to also feel unhappy. I think they are just frustrated that they are down and people around them are not. Believe me, I have been there and it can be very upsetting sometimes. The problem then though is to try to identify that from people who are deliberately trying to be mean to others.

I disagree. When I'm down it's not that I want other people to be, or even that it upsets me or frustrates me that other people are happy. It might make me more sensitive to things that might not otherwise bother me as much but if you asked me I would say were objectionable (like people doing stuff like popularity contests), but it's not that I resent other people's happiness. That doesn't cross my mind. If they were not doing things at other people's expense (for instance, when they just joke and banter, that doesn't bother me), I wouldn't have an issue with it.

~Kate

Alright, fair enough.
I am not defending the popularity contests but I think there should be a designated place for it, and that it should be permitted only in that one place. Then it is clearly black and white and nobody would have good reason to be offended because they shouldn't have looked at that thread, and the people who want to do it would have that place in which they can do so. Is it that simple or am I missing something here?

Heh, this reminds me of and sounds like the appreciation threads drama back in 2008.

I totally agree. If there were a place for it then people who are offended would know where to avoid looking if they don't want to see the threads and there's no reason for them to take offense at them, and people who have fun with it could still participate if they want to.

~Kate