Making it Better: The future of WP

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About all the bullying, makes me wonder if I am even part of it even though I try to stay out of drama and I try to keep things civil but I realize sometimes a person will feel bullied when you don't agree with them or they may feel insulted and attacked when you talk about yourself and question yourself regarding symptoms or your diagnoses.

I can post my opinion about a person in a article and someone may feel attacked by my comment.

I realize you really can't stop people from being offended nor avoid it and everyone will always see peoples actions differently. Someone may think someone wrote something as a guise to put down someone while another person will look at it and not see that at all. Just different perspectives. I have seen crazy accusations be thrown at members here in the past and I never noticed that in them the person claimed.

Funny story, I once offended a bunch of Mario kart fans for saying how the newer Mario Kart games make the N64 one look lame and my comment got marked as spam and some even cursed at me so I lashed back saying something like to their attack "Get off the f*****g internet if you can't handle a different opinion" after they told me to get the f**k off the internet. If you dish it out, you should be able to dish it back in IMO. But youtube is a toxic place for comments anyway because of trolls. But the MK fans acted like I insulted them or something. It's not like I said people are stupid for liking the old MK games. That would be an insult and an attack. It's not an attack to say "the old MK games look lame because of the newer MK games." But people will take these comments as an attack on their character because how dare you not like their favorite Mario game so they end up attacking you and insulting you and of course they will see you as the bully when you lash back. I have seen it before online and I do not think that person made such a comment to provoke people as some people might claim.

I never forget when I first started with the internet. Now the first non gaming site (Was on my brothers PC) I joined was a Christian site. I am not sure how I found out about it... I think someone invited me? Anyway. This chat site (Which is no longer running) was very strict and I was once muted for a while one evening because I said the word "Cococola" when asked what I was drinking. Whilw I was muted they said it was a brand name.
Another member happened to be a little fed up so he made his own site and invited a few of us who were not too thrilled to join him. It was not intended to be elaborate. It started out with the one man and his wife, and a friend and his wife, and then me.
It soon grew though and several from the other site found ours so left the other site.
Now I happened to be on both sites, and so did the other site owner. The owner of the origional site started accusing the one who started the new site of stealing his members, and while with the odd person this may have been true, for the most part it wasn't. But the words used etc by the origional site owner! Well. In their forum I wrote a stern remark for the old site owner to see and I said "You call yourself a Christian and you make these accusations when if you really valued your Christianity, you should be supporting other Christian sites, not tearing them apart!"
(I don't remember my exact words but they were basically saying what I just put).
I decided not to return to that other site. Now I was told that over time the other site closed as it eventually lost its members as the owner was too heavy handed at minor issues, and two years later it closed with no active members using it.
Now a similar thing I have seen with model railway sites. The sites which only moderate when they have to are very popular. The sites where the owner and the moderators are heavy handed are rather quiet, as when people find they are unreasonably restricted from what they can say they go elsewhere.
I am not saying that being heavy handed is not neccessary at times but there is a balance.
I am an occasional moderator for a certain site but it is relatively quiet. Its last owner decided to neglect it so it started loosing members. One of the moderators like myself bought it from him. It was then simplified to reduce costs, but the live chat part does not like any more then three or four people on it at once, so it randomly chucks people out! At least it works! I can no longer moderate the live chat part as I am now on a tablet. The live chat part needs a mouse and a PC and a reasonable internet as one has to be relatively quick to moderate live chat, but on the forum part each of us moderates a section. My section is a quiet one so I rarely need to do much. I used to moderate the lot with the last owner, though he then decided to limit our moderation slightly so it was two tiered, as prior to this we had full access of someones personal details and IP address etc... The info then became just so that the owner could see the finer details, and all we could do was mute or ban or correct what was written etc.
New owner decided he would make the ban decision etc, as he had decided to have lots of moderators, but restrict their powers. Fair enough.
Anyway. Back to different sites doing the same thing... I have no issue with it. The only issue I have of being on more then one site is that there is only one me. I tend to pick just a few sites to join, but then spend lots of time on them. Not easy to spread oneself too thin! Haha.
I do remember one Christian site that a friend wanted me to join, but they would not let me join because I am a moderator of what they say is one of their competition sites. I just don't get this, but I am open and honest. I wrote to them to ask permission to join but they did not reply, so that was that.
Oh. I have to laugh. You know the different meanings between words in the USA compared to the UK? Well. My last girlfriend who I met via the Christian site (She is now married to another member of that site and they are living happily ever after!) Now she went to join an American Christian site and a day or two after she was banned. Strange. I asked her what she had done. She said they were all talking about food, so she shared what she liked eating and they banned her. It was when we found out the word in the USA means something entirely different to the UK. Here it is a food, and nice it is too!

Often times I hear about how people are easily offended and then I hear how there is no such thing and that is only being said by people who want to be jerks.

But psychology disagrees and yes, these people do actually exist, there are people who do easily get offended and couple articles here:

https://madamenoire.com/1080935/the-psy ... -offended/

Articles like this have really helped me and if I took every person getting offended personally, my self esteem would be shot and I would have gas lighted myself into thinking something is wrong with me.

There is even an article telling people how to stop being easily offended:

http://meanttobehappy.com/10-ways-you-t ... -offended/


I have also learned to pick up on what sort of person someone is before I proceed having a discussion with them. Posting online since I was 17, it has taken me around ten years to recognize a pattern with humans online, based on how they respond, I can already tell if they are someone to take offense easily and make it be all about them and no matter what you tell them, they will keep twisting it so i just ignore them and move on. I can even tell who the troll is and learned to recognize their patterns as well. For one, trolls tend to be anonymous so they will leave inflammatory comments so they will create a new account for it or just be posting as a quest and you don't recognize them. So I don't take their comment seriously and if they want me to take them seriously, they can say it under their regular account or else I will assume they are a troll. I also notice they will lack reading comprehension so they will say something stupid and if I am in the mood, I will troll them back by being rude to them and condescending or just ignore them or kill them with kindness. Trolls will also single you out to get a reaction out of you. You say the same thing everyone else has said and for some reason someone has decided to target you and be mean about it.

Me learning when to avoid discussions, who to not interact with, putting people on ignore or block has really improved my internet life and I have been in less online drama since. I think having kids really helped. Perhaps if everyone here used the same technique as me, this place would be a lot better and there would be more happy members here, they wouldn't feel the need to leave this place. Plus I don't assume ill intentions in people.

I don't really understand gaslighting. No doubt others have done it to me.

I seem to sometimes be a target for hidden bullying. It is just a way of life I guess.

When people bully others and get called out on it ~ the next line of attack can be the words “butt-hurt” as are an example of normalised abusive phraseology defined as follows:

“butt-hurt: [adjective] offended, upset, or angry, usually by a small slight or a friendly insult. I was just kidding. Don't get butt-hurt!”

Which by way of the ‘slights’ and ‘insults’ provides inspiration for and further normalises at least psychological abuse or character assassinations in society, as leads at most to further physiological abuses, suicides and murders.

So considering that most people on the spectrum have been bullied ~ being considerate of the raw hypersensitivities and numb hyposensitivities that have been caused by which is rather helpful, what with normalised (unconscious, subconscious and preconscious) abuse being as it is, and the majority of people being abusive introverts favouring domination and the minority abusive extroverts favouring submission.

Last edited by Deepthought 7 on 03 Aug 2020, 5:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Gaslighting is what certain posters are doing when they act like expressing disagreement with their preferences and opinions is inherently bullying.

But dissagreeing with someone is not bullying? If it is we all do it. We have to or we will be liars to pretend to agree with everything.

That's obviously correct; gaslighting is an inherently dishonest behaviour that relies on consistent dishonesty to undermine an individual's trust in their own judgment and recollections. It's done to control another individual or group.

Is it narcistic in nature?

It's common among narcissists, but it isn't limited to them. It's one of those patterns of behaviours that's repeated by individuals and entities that want to control others.

Is it still gaslighting if it's unintentional?

An example would be someone truly cannot recall they said something so they keep saying they never said it. There is a false memory involved here and everyone gets them so of course two people can be arguing about a situation saying they didn't say X and the other person insists they did.

Or another example is when I was a kid, I lived in the moment so I didn't understand consequences to my past actions. Let's say i pushed my brother and then a half hour later I am in another room and my mom comes in and says I pushed my brother, I would have argued and said I did not because in my mind, I did not push my brother because he isn't with me. Man look at all this gas lighting I must have done as a child.

Or what about when someone thinks you have ill intentions but you don't are they gas lighting you because they are claiming what you are doing and what they are claiming is false but they are telling you you have ulterior motives and you are just bullying people and having guises in your comments. They can say you are gas lighting everyone because you are saying "that is not true, I am not doing any of that" and you can say the same about them, they are gas lighting you.

Plus I have heard gas lighting is often a misused term. You wouldn't say a 3 year old is gas lighting you when they denied they made a mess in the kitchen when you confront them about it. Their brains are not that far developed so they don't remember making that mess and they also live in the moment and don't understand consequences to their past term actions so you have to catch them in the act and give them an immediate consequence.

Calling people names and slures isn’t disagreeing with people
Or is is it ok ever time I disagree with woman here to call them a slut or b***h, or c**t?

People here are actively constantly violating the rules. Sorry calling people you disagree with nazi, white supremist, dog with fleas, etc isn’t “just disagreeing.

It’s exactly what the rules forbid.

Anyone who is in here covering for and making excuses for such behavior is just as bad as those who do it.