Community Dynamics

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I don't feel that's correct. I think the frequent posters are starting to resent being scorned because they have made friendships.

I joined this year. I was interested in learning about Aspie adults and posting in PPR, as religion is a special interest of mine. It became clear early on, PPR was not the place for me. I didn't feel I could post there. I didn't complain. I harbor no resentment to the frequent posters of PPR. I moved on.

WrongPlanet is a big site. Not everyone is going to fit in everywhere, but surely with effort, there's a little bit of something here for everyone. I don't know why when one does find their comfort, they are resented for it.

From an emotional standpoint, I'm Aspie. Like many Aspies, I am a creature of habit. I go the same area expecting to find fun or support from the people I've become friends with (and often gain new friends). Yet, drama keeps occurring. Far too many posters have felt the need to leave for awhile or stop posting as frequently at some point. This means, I go looking for my support group and at times, the forum is dead because drama has driven them away for awhile. Is this effective for a support site? No. And it makes me sad....

I don't see much entitlement. I see hurt feelings that are getting ignored.

QFT

No one is scorning anyone for having friendships. Where are you getting these ideas?



No one resents anyone for feeling comfortable.



Everyone keeps ignoring what needs to be done to keep the 'drama' such as it is down. Please read my last post in this thread and understand it's contents.

the post got removed.
nevermind.

Okay, so based on MLA's response to my questions last night, if I start a thread that others like and want to post in but only Adult forum regulars (not 'MY GROUP' btw, I don't have one) post there and they don't like it and therefore complain, it can be locked? Forum resources shouldn't be chosen based on the number of complaints received, if they are for everybody then they become stickied before that. Hot Aspies was never stickied or considered an important thread until people complained about regular users enjoying it. If people really hate chat and want pictures only then they could have posted in the uninterupted pics threads which are already stickied or created a pic only thread of their own. Look back to the OP's first two post's in hot Aspies, he was after material rather than trying to start a forum resource and it was never changed to be one....

I've been a member for a long time and took a long while to find comfort (in any subforum here) yet now I don't feel as comfortable as I don't feel I can use humor or be anything but relevant unless the OP dictates it or a mod will pop up and tell me I'm misusing a thread (nothing to do with talking amongst ourselves, I only have regular contact with one WP member off the boards and we have better things to talk about). We may as well move to moderated posting.

To be fair, two of those words were stated by me, someone who's not part of the group.

The other two were by me, and I also am not part of a group... and I said complainy-pants in the most un-serious fashion possible (I mean... complainy-pants?!). Self-centered wasn't a descriptive of anybody, but my interpretation of the action of complaining because some friendly people regularly engage in banter that is perceived as exclusionary. I guess I should retract that statement, if it is inaccurate. I was just giving my viewpoint, and I apologize to anybody if I hurt their feelings

It is still representative of why some people feel intimidated.

Let's take a quick reality check here as this discussion is getting way off target. In a sentence, what is your complaint? Here is what I have seen so far so please fill in the blanks:

A thread that had received at least 10 warnings and a suspension was permanently locked for going off topic too many times. At the time it was closed down there was a two page conversation about guns vs. bows. Some folks took offense to it being locked and asked if they could make their own forum where they would not have to follow rules such as staying on topic. The mods said to go ahead.

Where is the remaining conflict?

Basically. And then everything exploded into something quite removed from reality.

To be fair MLA - I get called whiny, bitchy, annoying, unpopular, stupid and unpleasant on a regular basis by members who don't post in the adult forum, so it happens everywhere.

i think one problem isn't even the cliquey nature.

i see the major problem being the fact that it has become increasingly difficult to have a debate or discussion, because if one of the group posts on a thread, part or all of the rest of the group comes over and starts with the banter. 6 pages later, the original topic is no longer relevant. and if someone else tries to come in to discuss the original topic without entering into banter, their post is either ignored or buried. when that happens to posters, i imagine that they might feel irrelevant and inconsequential. that part is of concern to me.

i see that the people involved do not want to be considered a group as such. well, nobody is suggesting that they have chosen team colours and a secret handshake, but wherever you see one poster from that group... you will see a few others. there are also some who are only loosely affiliated that come and go, but there is a core group that is usually together in threads. i am not suggesting in any way that there is anything exclusive about this group, but it does undeniably exist as a fairly cohesive set.

in real life, when a group appears pretty tight from the outside, it is extremely intimidating for an outsider to join. i imagine it would be just as difficult for someone on this forum, especially if they lacked some of the online social skills that these members possess.

but on that last part i am trying to speak for others so i may not be expressing the feelings accurately. i felt it needed to be said. i have noticed that this thread here mostly consists of the group in question, in discussion with mods and ex-mods as opposed to members who may have bad feelings about this stuff, and i think the reason is simple - it feels like social suicide to speak up against a vocal and pervasive group that appears to be popular and charismatic.

EDIT: my solution is to have a subforum llike hale_bopp suggested, or that the users keep it contained to certain threads for the most part. nobody will care if it is a couple of back-and-forth posts, but multiple pages are unnecessary.

Actually a sub forum is a good idea.. it doesn't even need its own forum - just a mini nested forum of adult issues. That will have all the benefits of more space, and will be seperated enough from adult thread not to upset people who want to post adult issues.

My goal here is keeping people at WP.. If more members can be happy here it's better than the site losing members to other domains.

Recognizing a rule against cross-posting, I quote here a censored version of what I said in another thread, but only the part that pertains to this topic. I mean for the sentiment to apply to all forums, not a particular one.

What I am trying to say is that I am one of those who doesn't quite feel safe posting here, and if that can be remedied in any way, I would appreciate it.

PS: Hyperlexian, I love your way with words.

thank you, and i appreciate that you shared your well-written feelings too. i feel like there's safety in sharing together.

Speaking as one of the likely *offenders* referred to throughout this argument

Apart from one person who IS a serial mod whinger (yes ive used the word whinger a few times) and who is quite capable of character assassination or implying you're a liar with sometimes the next breath after PM'ing a mod (repeatedly, and i might add after sometimes altering his/her own posts to appear less attacking (interesting to watch him/her alter when he/she doesnt think you ever hit F5) and sometimes 4 or 5 times to give a final impression that he/she was being victimised or being misunderstood. Add to this the PM's you also get that run the same gamut, nice/irate/nice, sometimes while the aforementioned post changes are occuring) and then factor in that some of us have given the benefit of the doubt and been accepting of this person more than a few times, especially when the person first started posting, until some of us HAD to avoid including him/her to avoid unpleasantness, and i think that you're painting the problem sticker on the wrong people here), i think its very hard to demonstrate where anyone who has come amongst the more *regular* posters hasnt been welcomed and been given every opportunity to take part. I'll wager theres more evidence both overt AND implied that the person above has caused more upset than any of the *regular* posters combined and then multiplied at least twice.

And anyways, we dont dictate what others do, and to infer in some way we do is just madness or mispresentative of how i, and i assume others, view their place or identity at WP.

I don't even need to name the person referred to above, everyone who was in the supposed group knows and the pity is that the mods know as well, and we're getting censured? Add to that we've also show the same consideration in overlooking and trying to re-engage with a few other people who have displayed variable personalities (one nutty rampant christian who got suspended once only to reappear and start straight back up where he left off attacking people, and even then that person was afforded a fresh start from everyone in this "group"), and i think you're lowballing our ability and willingness to embrace others who perhaps lack our level of social interaction or comfort.

Well we can't type for them and help them out, we cant formulate thoughts on their behalf to fit in with a topic, and we cant create experiences for them if they dont happen to have one that is in context with what the current topic or mini topic of the thread is (i accept that changing from the original topic IS not ideal nor correct, but life happens). I only post in threads where i know going in what the topic is, and i know i can contribute in some way or add to the shared experience. And i am willing to adapt if things go tangental. No one forces me to stay if theres a sudden change, and ive yet to see anywhere where an earlier topic hasnt been revived with no blood spilt, and often to be engaged upon by others who missed it the first time round.

Just how responsible do you mods want to make us for others roadblocks in posting? Short of being a happy bunch who like to have a laugh and are totally open to anyone joining in, i dont see what we're expected to do....are we supposed to act like walmart greeters (do they still have those) and be plastic and give everyone the forum equivalent of a fake smile. Do i have to wear a vest?

All i have seen this conversation do is further marginalize people who interact better on here with others than they can in real life (personally im selectively mute in real life and couldnt have conversations even half as long with real folk as easily as on here), the ones who have found comfort and friendship have now been made to feel social lepers here as well. This whole saga has also left those of us who deal with depression in an even fouler mood than we ought to be. In the space of a week i have noticed people who would normally be upbeat and sociable become withdrawn.

Is that really the aim of WP?

This is the last post im making on the subject, its still a discussion post, because for me anything beyond this will be an argument, i really prefer no to get into those.

This is the problem?
Surely a little self-control from everyone (also, i hate how a 'us vs them' mentality seems to have formed ) can fix this so everything is more relaxed and fair?
Or am I missing the point and there's more to it than that?

(Just a general set of questions i'd like clarified not aimed at Hyperlexian specifically, just quoted her post because it made perfect sense)