Making it Better: The future of WP

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A lot of above that Fnord has written sounds like very typical traits of the people this site is supposed to be aimed at. I often wonder how many such sentiments are held by people who have never actually met or cared about people with ASD in general life outside of this website. Which is ok. But to see it here .. Fnord seems like you don't have patience for the very traits of ppl with ASD that lead to the diagnosis often at a young age.

If so why stay here?

blooiejagwa

Thing though is this. It is a person's beliefs and experiences who shape who they are to their very soul. You attack those beliefs and experiences especially when you're right and you chip away at their identity. What happens when you attack someone's identity and show it is based upon a weak foundation? Cognitive Dissonance because they want to preserve who they are and their very soul.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

I think some very valid points have been made.

There are many variants of ASD among our members. After a member has posted several times then we gradually form an impression of the challenges, difficulties they face, sometimes the most fundamental tasks and challenges being insurmountable.

We all are influenced by the environment that raised us, nurtured or harmed us, educated us or indoctrinated us, and our characters are formed, together with genetics, as a result.

Someone with ASD in my experience as an NT is less flexible in their communication methods and have varying degrees of the ability to empathize (putting oneself in another's situation and feeling what the other feels.)
This is how they are programmed, this is their autistic default. This means also that the softer more understanding and sympathetic members also need to accomodate the more abrasive, independent members who may not have enjoyed the nurturing, family and financial support that some are privileged to have. On top of being autistic, some members have been hurled into the sea of life and had to either sink or swim. I know people here who are successful in their careers and are married with families against impossible odds. All they know is to toughen up and survive, they perhaps have had military or institutionalized training and this has formed who they are. Weakness for them is the enemy. They are also autistic and they deserve our care and freedom of expression also.

Practical suggestions when presented in black and white devoid of "empathetic padding" can seem offensive. Could we all assume that advice is given with good intent on the one hand, and on the other try and soften our advice with phrases like: "blah really helped me in a bluh situation."

Have you tried...... in a similar situation I found it beneficial. Again, soft skills. Self-modification is difficult for all of us but not impossible. The more sensitive members must also accept that some aspies are very tough cookies and they can't be anyone else but themselves.

I have a question: Do incompatible people have to fight ? Let's think of ways that they can co-exist here on WP rather than why they can't . I am Israeli and the word "impossible" is rarely used here. There is no water to drink? Then let's find a way to desalinate the sea. We do, we desalinate seawater and grow watermelons in the desert. It's always better to think solutions rather than get stuck in the problems.

I agree that the older members should try and be more aware of when they are crossing the line and hold more responsibility but the over twenties and thirties are also adults and biological age is not always synchronized with emotional development. Some people enjoy the energy created by conflict and others suffer from it. I belong to the latter category.

The problem with these rules:

It isn't difficult to err on the side of compassion, or to write nothing at all if you don't know what to say.

If a member feels belittled or provoked and asks the person to stop, they need to stop. That's the line in the sand.

If someone told me that my words were hurting them, I would apologise publicly and not repeat the behaviour.

Likewise, if a member feels belittled or provoked and reports it, moderators have a duty to protect that member.

I quite agree with Isabella.