27 Apr 2011, 7:28 pm
27 Apr 2011, 10:54 pm
27 Apr 2011, 11:14 pm
27 Apr 2011, 11:18 pm
27 Apr 2011, 11:46 pm
blue_bean wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
What irks me more than anything is the "if you have difficulty joining in and participating it's your problem" mentality that I've been seeing so far from certain people. We know where we are right? We're on a support forum for people with a disorder characterised by social impairments, yet social group "outsiders" are being told to harden up, stop whining and magically develop some social skills.
Why are they putting the onus on "outsiders" to take initiative to join in when they know it's more difficult for those with AS than it is for most people? Why won't they take any initiative? Surely a new thread, something along the lines of "Everyone welcome in the adult discussion chit chat group" would be a good way to extend a hand of invitation and ease feelings of intimidation felt by newcomers. Newbies could stop by in the thread and say "hi" and regulars to say "hi" to them back and do their best to make them feel welcome. I've been thinking of making this thread myself (sad state of affairs that it has to be an "outsider" taking initiative to make it though, it shouldn't be up to me).
Why are they putting the onus on "outsiders" to take initiative to join in when they know it's more difficult for those with AS than it is for most people? Why won't they take any initiative? Surely a new thread, something along the lines of "Everyone welcome in the adult discussion chit chat group" would be a good way to extend a hand of invitation and ease feelings of intimidation felt by newcomers. Newbies could stop by in the thread and say "hi" and regulars to say "hi" to them back and do their best to make them feel welcome. I've been thinking of making this thread myself (sad state of affairs that it has to be an "outsider" taking initiative to make it though, it shouldn't be up to me).
A thread was made last night: Adult Issues Meet & Greet
I saw that and I don't think it's good enough. Just seems like a member roll call thread to me.
And I think you're expecting too much. There are 'cliques' across WP, none made me feel welcome including Adult and many post was lost. Did I go complaining to the mods that I was being excluded? No, I hadn't made an effort to know any of these people who already know each other so what were they doing wrong? I eventually persisted in Adult and got responses to some threads and continued from there. Even people put into the group/clique/whatever have post unanswered, it happens on message boards.
27 Apr 2011, 11:49 pm
There really isn't much that can be done.
For 1) I don't agree with people telling others to "harden up" or "make an effort", but I don't see how it can be fixed to make people more welcome, especially as none of us know who the people who feel unwelcome are.
All I can think of is starting a new thread for new members who feel unwelcome called "ask (members name here) anything" made by one of the more frequent posters.
But as it's so uncertain who these people are, no-one knows how to make people feel more welcome if we don't even know they are lurking but don't want to post.
I get sick of some people, and meeting new people coming into discussions is great.
28 Apr 2011, 12:34 am
all_white wrote:
What on earth has been going on?
I had a break from the forum for a while, and it seems to have become even more full of anger and bitterness while I was away.
Pistonhead got banned...well, it's not like I couldn't see that coming.
Some of his so-called "compliments" to people about their pics, along the lines of "that face is worthy of having a dick shoved in its mouth" were quite frankly obscene. It made me want to PM a mod. But, guess what? I didn't. I don't want to be accused of being a "whiner" like when I quite legitimately reported people for attacking me.
I guess while I was away Pistonhead got reported by somebody else (or maybe the mods just read what he was saying for themselves).
I had a break from the forum for a while, and it seems to have become even more full of anger and bitterness while I was away.
Pistonhead got banned...well, it's not like I couldn't see that coming.
Some of his so-called "compliments" to people about their pics, along the lines of "that face is worthy of having a dick shoved in its mouth" were quite frankly obscene. It made me want to PM a mod. But, guess what? I didn't. I don't want to be accused of being a "whiner" like when I quite legitimately reported people for attacking me.
I guess while I was away Pistonhead got reported by somebody else (or maybe the mods just read what he was saying for themselves).
I sense delusion in the force.
28 Apr 2011, 12:34 am
blue_bean wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
What irks me more than anything is the "if you have difficulty joining in and participating it's your problem" mentality that I've been seeing so far from certain people. We know where we are right? We're on a support forum for people with a disorder characterised by social impairments, yet social group "outsiders" are being told to harden up, stop whining and magically develop some social skills.
Why are they putting the onus on "outsiders" to take initiative to join in when they know it's more difficult for those with AS than it is for most people? Why won't they take any initiative? Surely a new thread, something along the lines of "Everyone welcome in the adult discussion chit chat group" would be a good way to extend a hand of invitation and ease feelings of intimidation felt by newcomers. Newbies could stop by in the thread and say "hi" and regulars to say "hi" to them back and do their best to make them feel welcome. I've been thinking of making this thread myself (sad state of affairs that it has to be an "outsider" taking initiative to make it though, it shouldn't be up to me).
Why are they putting the onus on "outsiders" to take initiative to join in when they know it's more difficult for those with AS than it is for most people? Why won't they take any initiative? Surely a new thread, something along the lines of "Everyone welcome in the adult discussion chit chat group" would be a good way to extend a hand of invitation and ease feelings of intimidation felt by newcomers. Newbies could stop by in the thread and say "hi" and regulars to say "hi" to them back and do their best to make them feel welcome. I've been thinking of making this thread myself (sad state of affairs that it has to be an "outsider" taking initiative to make it though, it shouldn't be up to me).
A thread was made last night: Adult Issues Meet & Greet
I saw that and I don't think it's good enough. Just seems like a member roll call thread to me.
I PM'd every new face on that thread with a personal message and encouraged to see them post more. So far, everyone has been appreciative of the effort. I hope new faces continue to show. I have seen several of them out posting today!
28 Apr 2011, 2:13 am
Mark198423 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
What irks me more than anything is the "if you have difficulty joining in and participating it's your problem" mentality that I've been seeing so far from certain people. We know where we are right? We're on a support forum for people with a disorder characterised by social impairments, yet social group "outsiders" are being told to harden up, stop whining and magically develop some social skills.
Why are they putting the onus on "outsiders" to take initiative to join in when they know it's more difficult for those with AS than it is for most people? Why won't they take any initiative? Surely a new thread, something along the lines of "Everyone welcome in the adult discussion chit chat group" would be a good way to extend a hand of invitation and ease feelings of intimidation felt by newcomers. Newbies could stop by in the thread and say "hi" and regulars to say "hi" to them back and do their best to make them feel welcome. I've been thinking of making this thread myself (sad state of affairs that it has to be an "outsider" taking initiative to make it though, it shouldn't be up to me).
Why are they putting the onus on "outsiders" to take initiative to join in when they know it's more difficult for those with AS than it is for most people? Why won't they take any initiative? Surely a new thread, something along the lines of "Everyone welcome in the adult discussion chit chat group" would be a good way to extend a hand of invitation and ease feelings of intimidation felt by newcomers. Newbies could stop by in the thread and say "hi" and regulars to say "hi" to them back and do their best to make them feel welcome. I've been thinking of making this thread myself (sad state of affairs that it has to be an "outsider" taking initiative to make it though, it shouldn't be up to me).
A thread was made last night: Adult Issues Meet & Greet
I saw that and I don't think it's good enough. Just seems like a member roll call thread to me.
And I think you're expecting too much. There are 'cliques' across WP, none made me feel welcome including Adult and many post was lost. Did I go complaining to the mods that I was being excluded? No, I hadn't made an effort to know any of these people who already know each other so what were they doing wrong? I eventually persisted in Adult and got responses to some threads and continued from there. Even people put into the group/clique/whatever have post unanswered, it happens on message boards.I didn't complain to any mods either but thanks for the accusation anyway (however subtle and implied it was). Nor do I care about the clique and my lack of inclusion in it. I just hate cliques in general, as you know as soon as they form "group think" won't be far behind.
28 Apr 2011, 4:14 am
I hope a 'group mentality' doesn't form. Although there's a 'them and us' mentality already to an extent shown by some people. 
I don't want to be part of either side. It's not a pleasant atmosphere at all.
28 Apr 2011, 4:58 am
blue_bean wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
:roll: And I think you're expecting too much. There are 'cliques' across WP, none made me feel welcome including Adult and many post was lost. Did I go complaining to the mods that I was being excluded? No, I hadn't made an effort to know any of these people who already know each other so what were they doing wrong? I eventually persisted in Adult and got responses to some threads and continued from there. Even people put into the group/clique/whatever have post unanswered, it happens on message boards.
I didn't complain to any mods either but thanks for the accusation anyway (however subtle and implied it was). Nor do I care about the clique and my lack of inclusion in it. I just hate cliques in general, as you know as soon as they form "group think" won't be far behind.
Erm, yeah coz that's what I was doing.
Nice way to repond to something without actually answering and trying to make it into a personal dig.
28 Apr 2011, 5:18 am
Mark198423 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
:roll: And I think you're expecting too much. There are 'cliques' across WP, none made me feel welcome including Adult and many post was lost. Did I go complaining to the mods that I was being excluded? No, I hadn't made an effort to know any of these people who already know each other so what were they doing wrong? I eventually persisted in Adult and got responses to some threads and continued from there. Even people put into the group/clique/whatever have post unanswered, it happens on message boards.
I didn't complain to any mods either but thanks for the accusation anyway (however subtle and implied it was). Nor do I care about the clique and my lack of inclusion in it. I just hate cliques in general, as you know as soon as they form "group think" won't be far behind.
Erm, yeah coz that's what I was doing.
Nice way to repond to something without actually answering and trying to make it into a personal dig.How is she making a personal dig? And how else could one reply to your post except with 'well, good for you'?
This mentality of 'I can do it so why can't everybody else' displays the same lack of awareness or care about other people's needs that seems to me to be at the heart of this whole squabble.
I wouldn't dream of telling someone in the Haven or even General Disccussion suffering from an impaired ability to enter conversations, make friends and feel comfortable in certain settings to simply 'suck it up' or 'try harder'.
At the same time, I think you've missed the point of the problem. The problem is not that a 'clique' (or group of people that like to hang out together) exists, it's that the 'clique' eats up every thread like a plague of locusts, leaving people who do not enjoy 'clique' activities no chance to participate in a non clique fashion. This may not occur to those who love the way that group of people operate, but some people don't want to take part in that manner, but do want to be able to use the Adult Autism Discussion forum.
28 Apr 2011, 5:35 am
28 Apr 2011, 5:43 am
28 Apr 2011, 6:05 am
28 Apr 2011, 6:10 am
Mark198423 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
:roll: And I think you're expecting too much. There are 'cliques' across WP, none made me feel welcome including Adult and many post was lost. Did I go complaining to the mods that I was being excluded? No, I hadn't made an effort to know any of these people who already know each other so what were they doing wrong? I eventually persisted in Adult and got responses to some threads and continued from there. Even people put into the group/clique/whatever have post unanswered, it happens on message boards.
I didn't complain to any mods either but thanks for the accusation anyway (however subtle and implied it was). Nor do I care about the clique and my lack of inclusion in it. I just hate cliques in general, as you know as soon as they form "group think" won't be far behind.
Erm, yeah coz that's what I was doing.
Nice way to repond to something without actually answering and trying to make it into a personal dig.No, you ARE making a personal dig with your dismissive sarcastic remarks and the eye rolling.
Is that the way you talk to everyone? If it is it's no wonder a heap of people are feeling unwelcome. You better watch how you talk down to the "nay-sayers" as you might be doing you and the "clique's" position more harm than good.
Actually, come to think of it, the times I did try to participate in adult discussion I got a genuinely frosty reception. Mustn't have had a cool enough haircut or something.
