can the popularity contest threads stop?

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One of the central frustrations of having an ASD is that there is no external sign that you're disabled, and people make assumptions about you because they don't understand the full context of your behavior. What I'm seeing here is similar in that assumptions are being made that people who can chat a little or post tongue in cheek popularity threads are automatically capable, to say noting of obligated to, make an effort to reach out to reticent members and draw them into the discussions. Last I checked staying on topic was not part of the TOS, nor was there any responsibility placed on members to not say or do anything that might cause jealousy or frustration, let alone an affirmative duty to deliberately engage with every person who may wish to participate in a given thread. AFAIK, the only responsibility of a WP member is to stay within the rules, as vague as they can occasionally be.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but all of this angst about "cliques" and such would properly be called hating, the envy driven outrage at the good fortune of others. AS may explain the impulse, but it does not excuse it. Anyone who's ever spent time in the L&D forum is well aware of how negative and destructive widespread hater behavior is, and everyone should give pause before deciding that acceptable conduct on WP must pass some sort of envy sniff test. Would it be kosher to describe my happy marriage in L&D because some people have never had a date and it might make them feel bad? How about describing my job experience in that forum, can I not talk about good jobs I've had because the people who can't hold one down might be bitter? To stretch it a bit further, is there anything wrong with posting pictures of some of my collections in Random, because other people may not be able to afford such nice things? To get back to the area of contention; is it wrong to speak casually to my friends in public because it might make lower functioning people jealous? Is it wrong to make tongue in cheek threads because people who don't get the humor might feel bad about it?

Sorry I don't have links

Google these:

Ask An Aspie

Aspergers Girl

Asperger Syndrome and Autism in Relationships

The Asperger's Syndrome Institute

Asperger's Syndrome Support Network

Inside Perspectives - Asperger's Syndrome

Aspergia

Aspergic

Aspieland.com

Aspies Central

Aspies for Freedom

Autinet mailing list

The Autism Channel

Autism Forum

Autism Network International (ANI)

Autistic Adults Picture Project

Autties.org

BrainTalk Communities: Asperger's Syndrome

Center for the Study of Autism

The Christian Aspie Forum

The Drivel

Gestalt: An Autism and Psychology Discussion Forum

The Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership (GRASP)

Independent Living on the Autistic Spectrum (inlv) mailing list

Men and Autism

Neural Deviant

neurodiversity.com

Neurolands Asperger's and Autism Portal

The Neurolands

oddizms

Online Asperger Syndrome Information & Support (OASIS)

On the Spectrum

Perseveration.org: Autistic Advocacy and Perspectives

Ramoth Harbor

rdos.net

Spectrumites

Stim City

A Survival Guide for People with Asperger's Syndrome

^^ Actually you have both quite missed the point, and I know enough of each of you to assume that you have missed it because you want to, and because you are in the group who is being asked to moderate themselves. (Again I point out that they are being asked)

I know you are both too smart to not actually get it.

Heres me view on it. If it annoys you that some memebrs have been here longer and have become popular and have a group, instead of trying to destroy the group and fun some are having why not try and join in on it? Seems like a win win solution to me. But complaining is much easier.

That said I dont find myself as part of the "group"

OH! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT???

Oh wait, I did. I always try that. The problem is that I'm really horrible at it, so it gets me nowhere and I continue to be invisible. Most of the time, I don't care that much. But yeah, on days when I'm already feeling sorry for myself and lonely, it does get to me. I'm sorry if that's inconvenient. I don't like it when I'm that way either. In fact, I hate it. But that doesn't make it feel any better. I know exactly what katzefrau is trying to say.

I know it's not something you can regulate. I just wish people would understand, here of all places. And also that the "let them eat cake" comments are patronizing.

I should say:

I think I understand what people who want the threads removed are saying, but I do not understand how removing the threads will actually improve things. I'm not criticizing them, however. I'm more sympathetic to their perspective (and probably closer to it) than I am to the "Just don't read it or find some way to join in" perspective.

It has been interesting reading the different responses to this thread and diverse opinions. It is difficult to put oneself in the shoes of other members sometimes and imagine how they feel about various issues. From a moderation angle I don't think there is much/anything we can do that would please everyone. As others have said, it is very much down to the individual members to try to be welcoming and inclusive towards other members when they participate in threads, though when a conversation is fast moving I can see that people could get ignored, not maliciously, but simply due to the dynamic.

Personally, I've never felt like I belong to any of the groups here and rarely read any of the popularity threads anyway. To me they are just fluff and irrelevant and I can easily dismiss them, but I can understand now how they can make some isolated members feel even more lonely and isolated, especially if they try to join in and nobody responds to their posts.

Those members who regularly go to the trouble of welcoming new members in the "Getting to know each other" forum do a really good job and they should be commended. It would be ideal if the attitude of inclusiveness and welcoming could be extended across all the boards.

People with learning disabilities or with ADD can feel bad about themselves on bad days when they see other members seem to understand what they are reading, why not ban those threads too? Get rid of the complicated threads, remove them at once.


But then again I don't care if I have this issue. But I bet others feel bad about themselves when they have it. Maybe we should complain about those threads too and get rid of the PPR so members won't feel dumb.


If we cater to something, then we would have to cater to other things too and then what would this place become? It be a double standard if they discouraged them but don't discourage the other threads people find it hard to comprehend what they are saying. It would sure suck if threads always got locked because some people couldn't understand what was being said in it so they were feeling bad about themselves, especially if they were having a bad day.

So that is why I disagree with this.

Just a suggestion...dunno if it would work. How about a subforum for all these flirting, popularity, socialization threads? I mean, there is a forum for political/religious debate...if anyone feels intimidated or put off by that, they can avoid that forum. That way it doesn't "take over" the site and people who want to participate wouldn't be denied their fun. If people want to try to join in, they can. If they don't they can just pass the forum by, as they'd pass by any other subforum that didn't interest them. Some people might visit now and then when they are doing better, but avoid it otherwise (I'd probably fall into that category).

Just an idea...

~Kate