Making it Better: The future of WP

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One side of the pendulum are possibly people who have been greatly damaged by society,
And at the other end are people who can be callus and sociopathic in nature.

I am simply, and rationally, saying there needs to be a balance, and *INTENT* needs to be considered.

I might have to put this in my signature, but aspies are inherently honest and some/many to the point of being very blunt about it.
I have *ALWAYS* preferred blunt honesty to NT white lies or deceptions to alleviate/diminish the effect of the truth.

As you know, I am a sympathetic person, but my rationality is always more important than distorting reality.
A dissociative disorder can put someone into a fantasy universe.
I never want to be lost in a place like that again, and I think it isn't good for anyone.

I've told you I'm fine with blunt. I'm good with non-PC. I'm fine with fun and humour and jokes between friends, or people who understand each other's wit. It's what I miss most about WP and why I keep logging in. I don't want white lies or distortions either. You bring up a good point that autistic people like the truth. Autistic people also like rules, and routines, and knowing what to expect.

We need to find a way to balance the two. Blunt personalities are fine if they play within the rules and don't keep pestering people after they've been asked to stop. It's only a small number of people who do this, so the problem shouldn't be hard to fix. I'm quite astounded that it's taken almost 1000 posts now, to acknowledge that there are boundaries required for all personality types.

I believe there must be rules against bullies.....and that they must be enforced.

But I also believe in “strength in numbers” and that allowing one bully to ruin one’s experience is detrimental. This sort of takes away the impact and the strength of those who are not bullies. And it gives me the feeling that the bullies have credence and that the rank and file (the main body of WP) does not. And that the bullies feed off this credence.

This is my subjective impression.

I agree. Unfortunately that's a moderation issue, and not really something that members can fix on their own. It's why WP is losing members, and it's why this thread was created. I've been trying to highlight the areas where our moderation needs to be more consistent to improve the experience for all members while respecting Alex's rules.

Far too many good people are lost and disillusioned right now, and it doesn't need to be this way.

Why is it so difficult to identify the bullies?
And if identified, why don't the moderators do something about it?

For me, it isn't that hard to see a bad attitude and a pile on when it is happening.
Am I so gifted, (which could very easily be the case. ) or is there a problem with "The System"?
Are personal bias's involved in the dysfunctionality of a society?

Last edited by Pepe on 19 Aug 2020, 12:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Erm, yes.

Anyway, I have had my fill of fun, on this thread, for the moment.
It is unusual to be online when there is so much activity.

Take care,
And don't kill each other,
Until I get back.

I may be in the minority to say I don't feel there has been lot of bullying here. I don't often see it when I read threads.

Something I had noticed online (not talking about this forum but in general) is people will mistake disagreements with bullying. People may also post a thread and expect to hear what they want to hear but then think they were bullied when they were told things they didn't want to hear. That is why we have The Haven.

As for brutal honesty, yeah that is a autism characteristic and even I have been given that label from others. That characteristic of mine has been seen as cute in real life but I found out the hard way that people don't feel the same way about it online than people do in real life. I am sure there have been members here that found my honesty cute here while others have felt I was trolling or provoking members or being mean.

In general, people who say they are honest are usually jerks because they will just say mean stuff. This is something I have noticed online. My ex who was all for honesty often made comments towards me that were humiliating or mean and felt the need to tell his son everything between us making it his business than telling him "This is between me and her, don't worry about it, go play your game." It is true there are people who will use honesty as an excuse to say whatever they want and say they don't lie.

I firmly believe that the problem is often in the tone of the post and not alwaysthe main message. Using "in my opinion", "I see it differently," "that's one way of looking at it but....." Not negating someone elses point of view but validating their right to differ and offering an alternative POV promotes friendly discussion rather than deteriorating into a free for all.

Perhaps in the NT world, but I don't think you can generalise about the bulk of those on the spectrum.

As I have been saying previously, *INTENT* is an important consideration.
I don't think a bad attitude is hard to spot.

I would guess that if someone were to share similar opinions to those who are interpreted as being bullies through their responces to others, it is likely to be less obvious, as would posting in non-controversial areas (or even being the bully), so there are a few reasons that it may not be visible to many. The fact that you have observed some does show it is present.


There is a difference between disagreements where the topic under discussion is disagreed with, and disagreements where the person\group behind one point of view become the target, though.

As an example:


This is most certainly not conducive to civil discourse, and could quite easily be interpreted as an attack\bullying of people who do not share the poster's opinions. When multiple people join in, sharing this sentiment\agreeing with what is posted, it becomes blatant bullying of those who are the target of it.

Trying to change a person's opinion\disagreeing with them through the use of facts (with supporting evidence) is not bullying. Trying to change their opinion\disgreeing with them through the use of force\coercion (Agree with me\us, otherwise you are a <insert ist or related character slur>) IS bullying.

What's wrong with:
-"You're an idiot."
-You're IQ is the same as your shoe size."
-"You're mother wears army boots."
-"If you don't think like Fnord, you ain't thinking."
-"Pepe, I luv you. <sigh> "

Boy, so many "snowflakes".

Never change cheeky skunk, never change.

Unfortunately, prefacing a character attack with "In my opinion", isn't going to mitigate the incidents of bullying.
It may make it easier for personal attacks to fly under the radar, and actually be excused.
That would compound the problem and make moderation more difficult.

People could say "In my opinion, you're a (personal attack of character)", and then they think it's acceptable. Others would likely defend them, saying "it was their opinion!!" without noticing the attack itself was against our rules. The victim's feelings would be dismissed, for whinging about another member's "opinion". Then, we would have debates about freedom of speech and censorship ... when the real topic should be "personal attacks" and personal accountability.

Most members who are guilty of hurling personal attacks already pad their wording so they'll seem innocent. They like to pretend they didn't mean it, or that their words are taken out of context. Adding an additional buffer of "It's my opinion" to a personal attack will only strengthen their sense of entitlement.

The bottom line is that we have to stop insulting other people, and pretending we have a right to voice insulting "opinions" about other members.

"In my opinion" is great when two people are having an open and objective debate about a topic, but not when someone wants to attack another person or break the rules using belittling language.

That's the problem we are trying to address.

Awww.
You are my favourite pet NT, seriously.

Teachers say they never see the bullying either.

If anyone seriously thinks they can veil their personal attack with "In my opinion" and the moderators fall for it, then that would be a problem of the moderation team because who can be that oblivious?

"In my opinion, you are an idiot." Did that work?

Reminds me how a child will try to get out of being in trouble by saying the magic words "sorry" but the adult doesn't fall for it. My mom used to say to us kids "it's too late" when we would try to weasel our way out of a punishment by saying that word.

Last edited by League_Girl on 19 Aug 2020, 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.