Moderator Abuse

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Your moderator made the following (public) post today:

"STOP making frivolous reports.
The report button is there for the purpose of reporting broken rules, not "They said something I don't like so now I'm going to throw a tantrum."."

This was publicly posted in response to my request for help with a member who was behaving abusively towards other members. The other poster had essentially kidnapped the thread, speaking about his thoughts on google scholar instead of discussing BAP, as the thread title suggested. He became abusive when he disagreed with another member, for example: "If you really wanted to understand a topic or have anyone take anything you say as any sort of truth, you would search google scholar to convey your idea. /sarcasm"

This meanness towards other poster was repeated multiple times and towards myself. Since one of your report options is simply "the post is off topic," I did not hesitate to ask a moderator to step in.

I did not expect to be accused of throwing a tantrum. I don't think that this is appropriate anywhere on the internet, but certainly not on a board that is set up for people with disabilities.

I thought that I would give the other moderators a chance to evaluate for themselves if this is the kind of board they want to run. If you need to speak to me on this matter, I think moderators can contact me via email, right?

You misquoted me, I didn't put \sarcasm in my post, I would never do that, because I don't engage people in a sarcastic way.

Peace! Let's not let this get out of hand but try to resolve the issue!

Those of us on the spectrum very often have a tendency to overreact or bee too thin skinned, thinking people are out to get us. This is not in fact unjustified, but can make our emotions run high and when our emotions run high, we can't always think logically or clearly. When I'm upset, stressed or under pressure, this happens, and I think many of us are in the same predicament. Many of us have become used to being treated unfairly and feel the need to defend our position at all costs. This makes us very sensitive to any perceived criticism, whether the other person intended it maliciously or not.

Bearing in mind that this is a forum to help and support others on the spectrum, it will happen now and then that people have a misunderstanding about the intention the other person had. Let's have some leeway and allowance for one another but not tolerate genuine abuse such as personal attacks. I think WhoAmI could have perhaps phrased his response a little more tactfully but don't judge him too harshly. WP is a great deal more respectful and friendly than many websites I've seen, especially news, political and religion related sites. That is why I spend a minimal amount of time on such sites.

I'm sorry tagnacious, but your report indeed didn't qualify for being seriously considered as I see nothing wrong in btbnnyr's post and neither do other mods.

Also, WhoAmI didn't mean to make a personal attack or abuse you, she disagreed with you in her own manner, I'm sorry you feel upset about it though.

OK, I think there might be some crossed wires here - was the problem with btbnnyr or cavernio?

I certainly don't think btbnnyr was being abusive, just a little blunt, and we kind of have to accept that on here - people aren't always gonna dress things up in flowery language. On the other hand, Cavernio's tone wasn't ideal.

I think Who would hold her hands up and admit that she should have PMed you. At the same time, it's not really good etiquette to announce that you're making a report - just do it quietly, or people can get defensive.

I didn't read the thread in question but I have noticed that some people overused the report button when it was first introduced.

I don't think people can tell what is an attack or just an opinion but I don't think it hurts to report something if you are not sure if it's an attack or not and the mods will decide if that post violated a rule or not. I don't think members should be made to feel bad for making a bogus report or it makes them too afraid to report anything.

there's nothing wrong with making a report.

I wonder if anyone reported me in some other threads for disagreeing with them, there was a person threatening to do it too.

This is a board you created, right? I know there are lots of other people involved now, but it was still your creation in the first place.

Do you think that having moderators that publicly ridicule people for reporting a post is the way that these boards should be run?

I moderate two other boards. I would never in a million years do that. I wouldn't stand another moderator doing that. I've never seen another moderator do on any board.

I was serious when I said I was grateful to be shown how cruelty is allowed on these boards because I've been spending too much time here and its a great excuse to duck out entirely. The weather is turning nice and I should doing things off line. I know that no-one here cares if one less person participates, but that's just the truth of the matter. And you probably don't mind all that much if I warn off the people in my community about this, either. That's the nature of the internet. You have the whole world.

I will say this: WhoIAm owes me an apology. And she (sorry about the he. I didn't know) should be making it as public as she made her ridicule of me. I don't hold grudges, but I do stay away from people who act like that. If it was just a bad moment, she might have the strength of character to stand up and take responsibility for it.

It is possible for the moderators to personally email users, right? Why wasn't a simple email "I'm sorry, but I don't agree with you on this matter" used? Is it so beyond us to use simple courtesy or are your moderators simply in the position of erasing posts and banning people?

Tag, Who is usually a very friendly person, but she doesn't come online every day. I'm sure she'll apologise to you when she is next online, it should have been a PM. Remember that mods are people too (well, the other ones are), and autistic people at that, so sometimes we've got other things on our plates, we rush, we make mistakes, we don't realise the consequences of our actions, we make people feel embarrassed or humiliated or ridiculed. I don't think she was intending to be cruel at all, and she'd probably be mortified if she knew how she'd made you feel. Just as she should have allowed you to be a bit cautious with your reporting, you've got to try and give us a little slack sometimes.

What WHO said was just one person's opinion of your behavior, OP.
Similar to your opinions of me being abusive and mean when I disagreed with you and another poster and suggested that your standards of moderation were too strict.
If you are free to have your opinions of other people and their behaviors, then other people are free to have their opinions of you and your behaviors.
These can all be shared in public on a forum, as they are all just different people's opinions.

I'll say one more thing, and then I'm going to try my best to let this go.

Accusing me of "throwing a tantrum" is so very destructive because you're basically making fun of me for my autistic traits. You're making fun of me for autism... on an autism community site. So everyone who reads that post will see that the moderators will make fun of you for being on the spectrum if they don't like what you've said to them. That's scary.

I'm a 40 year old woman, and yes, I have meltdowns still. They aren't tantrums. I don't do it on purpose. I can't control it if I try harder. And BTW, this SO isn't a meltdown or a tantrum. If it were, you would know it because I loose the ability to make clear statements. My grammar and spelling completely dissolve. But it does happen. I'm learning to hold my head up around the fact that I have a real cognitive difference and not a defect that makes me unlovable. I'm unlearning years of abuse from the schools and my parents teaching me to try to be as least myself as I can possibly be.

When I was a young girl, they didn't have any services for people like me, nor any way of understanding what would help. So my parents beat me for having tantrums. This happened every day for years. I know it seems illogical, but they had no idea what to do with me. Today, there is a lot more information available around why beating kids is wrong, but some autistic kids still get harshly punished for acting autistic. Think about all those cold wrap treatments in France, and the drugs we dose kids with in the US. The word "tantrum" means that you are trying to be bad. It means that its OK to respond in however cruel way I choose because you have to be taught not to be bad.

No one is perfect. People make mistakes, moderators make mistakes, everyone makes mistakes.

Alex, that might in part have been due to the proximity of the 'Report' button to the 'Quote' button for the post below(at least on smaller screens in Firefox/Ubuntu).

Moving it apart slightly further might signifigantly decrease the number of mis-clicks.

I think the OP has a valid point. Accusing her of "throwing a tantrum" is not just an opinion. It's ridiculing and is destructive.

That's true but shouldn't be an excuse for the mods to publicly make an unnecessary destructive comment on a member.