Boundaries of acceptable conflict

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^ I agree with you about being perplexed by the actions of others. That is why I try to step back and study it. I may not figure it out but at least I am taking in data.

And I agree with you that News and Current Events turned into an extension of PPR, which is too bad.

There is little one can do about others' vitriol or accusations. Except ignore it and report it.

I'm mainly perplexed by how WP staff regulates things. Because it's quite different from other forums of this type I'm on and have been on.

Like I said, since I'm being told the vierol is acceptable, so there's no point in reporting it.

Last edited by Tempus Fugit on 29 Dec 2020, 12:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That is a perplexing subject as well. Especially for you, I think, because you have been with WP for so long, much longer than I.

Question (if you don't mind), what do you expect to gain from figuring out the rationale used by mods on WP?

I don't expect anything to be gained really. There's been threads like this before and nothing was gained that I know of. It's just something to talk about just for the heck of it. Like discussing the weather.

Thank you, Blaze. I really appreciate what you wrote. I guess I can use your advice, too, here.

There are people IRL who believe I'm a psychopath and who hate me for it. It took some growing up to accept that it's their problem not mine and that the best thing I can do about it is not waste my energy on them.

I know WP members are in different places in their lives. I try to be understanding - but I expect attempts to understand my expectations in return. I generally believe people can grow and learn. Unfortunately, during the few months of my moderating here, I've been proven wrong in some cases. After what I've learned, I find willing to act within WP rules, as imperfect as they may be, the most basic requirement to start with.

Oh as far as ignoring them goes, that doesn't work. They go after me the same regardless of my ignoring them or not. Not just me of course, but I'm more familiar with what's directed at me.

There's no way for you to act outside of what's been established. I don't entirely agree with some aspects of moderating where I'm a mod. But I have to go along with the established setup.

Is the block feature an option? It might spare you conflict with posters you feel are needlessly rude.

PPR used to have more right wing posters who were rude and trollish, the vitriolic nature of interactions in there wasn't limited to one bloc or another. Since then some of those posters have left or been banned. Posters who once felt the need to respond in kind to that sort of attitude need to reevaluate if that need still exists because much of what might justify those responses has improved.

"Like discussing weather"? "WrongPlanet moderators are unfair to me" as an universal smalltalk topic?
You know, I come from a culture of saying bad things about others as smalltalk. It's extremely toxic and I always make it very clear, what I think about such behaviors - even if the said bad things happened to be true in a particular case, that kind of "smalltalk" spreads unbelievable toxicity and I won't accept it on my watch.

If you find someone's behavior unacceptable, report.
If you find the rules unacceptable, use platforms with acceptable rules.

If you don't like a restaurant, do you regularily go there just to say that in another restaurant the food is better?

You are correct magz. Some people are not going to like "you" (editorially) no matter how hard you try nor how "good" you are. There are certainly people over the course of my life who think badly of me.

Most of the people I work with, and their families, just love me and think I am wonderful. There are some notable exceptions who will say the opposite. I had to learn that I am who I am and some people are going to like me and some people aren't.

So you are starting from a good point.

I hear you saying you have tried to be a considerate and effective mod and have learned that some people will not meet you half way, or even 1/4 way or even budge an inch from their initial position. This is pretty common. I'm not a mod in my work, but I do need to get a family, staff, community people, etc. to work together, and that is a huge challenge and is not always possible. At least by me. Someone else may be able to do a better job and that has to be okay.

I would suspect that a mod cannot "fix" all the communications issues on WP. The people on WP, me included, have impaired communication skills. Some people, even with coaching, are never going to get past where they are now. That isn't PC to say in my business, but it is pretty much true. If XYZ neuroconnection is missing, then XYZ neuroconnection is missing and no one can change that. (At least in this day and time.)

Some people can learn and/or improve their communication skills. I'd like to think I have improved over the years. And if I look back far enough, like to teenage and early 20s, yeah, I have improved. But there are some things that I am probably never going to "get" and I have to learn to live with that, and/or find work arounds.

But if someone is stuck (neurologically) at a different place, nothing any of us says or does can change that. (I am still speaking editorially here, and am not talking about you, Tempus.)

The consistent application of consistent rules can move someone in a positive direction without that person needing to understand why. I think that is what you are finding out as a mod.

I think I have witnessed at least two people make significant behavior changes over the three years I have been here. That is a pretty good result.

I could be wrong, but it looks to me like you, Fey and Cornflake are doing most of the modding. Are there enough of you? Can you work together to develop strategies for dealing with the pressing issues at WP, which seem to be (at least from this thread), uncivil behavior?

OK....

In my work, I am expected to identify and fix problems. For a while, I had a group home operator and every time I visited her, she went on and on and on about complaints. Inside, I am thinking, OMG, what can I do to fix all these problems? especially when so many of them are inherent to dealing with. Finally, I said, "Ms. Smith, I don't know how to help you with all this." And she turned to me in astonishment and said, "I don't expect you to do anything. We're just talking trash."

So, if your complaints are not geared toward any particular gain, you are just enjoying the camaraderie of making complaints?

So, is this a form of trolling me? To get me (or someone else) to pour their hearts into a response that could be helpful to you and to the forum?

Oh, my. More data for my observations of human behavior.

I'm running late for a meeting. I was just popping in for a sec. Magz if you want to talk more, feel free to PM me.

Two problems with the block feature. I don't think anyone would like being so badly misrepresented totally behind their back. And also actually having the wherewithal to set the thing up.

You're not wrong and I do think more of us wouldn't be a bad thing - the task is pretty depleting and with real life obligations each of us have, it's hard to always have all the necessary patience. More redundance would be welcome but I believe older mods need to regenerate a lot before getting back to activity. It's really draining and I'm sure it was even more draining before my times.

This is a situation where my level of emotion takes me as far as shrugging my shoulders. After all this time and so many situations that made no sense to me, over such a long time, it fails to phase me any longer. Not that I'm being flippant. I'm taking it seriously, but it's not raising my blood pressure any.



I'm just responding to what you've been saying to me and asking me with what came to mind. If I was talking to someone at the restaurant about the restaurant, then I might end up bringing up other restaurants. I mainly brought up other forums and my status on some of them to point out that I have some extended experience and knowledge on the subject of forums.

Mostly what I post is in the form of response. I usually don't take the lead.

magz you are doing a great job, some people may be trying to deliberately wind you up and you really don't deserve it. Not everyone is as well intentioned as they may seem. You might want to get someone who knows what they are doing to seriously examine how many sock puppets and trolls there are on WP and sift them out for a smoother ride and a less toxic environment. Not accusing anyone at all, I hope I am making myself clear, just a general recommendation for the sake of the good folk here who don't need all this bad feeling to be stirred up on a regular basis.

I'm not asking anything of you. I'm just responding to what you've been saying to me and asking me. I know from personal experience what you're up against. If I was going to point a finger at anyone it would be Alex, not the people who are just helping out and adhering to an established order because they have to. I'm willing to drop this at any time at this point.

Last edited by Tempus Fugit on 29 Dec 2020, 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.