Scared about University

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Ok. So I managed to pass all my subjects in my first year at University so that obviously means I am in for my second year of four.

But unlike first year where I was over the moon about going to university, this year I am becoming very very scared and upset. But it's at the point where one day I am looking forward to coming back, and the next day I am either angry, upset and bitter about it.

Last year before i started Uni I was over the moon, i was free of school, all the people who treated me differently would no longer be around and I would be meeting new people who were doing the same things I wanted. now I am told i need to forget the past and I do agree, school left a lot of mental scars around how differently I was treated, and I hoped going to Uni would mean I would meet more mature people more willing to accept difference.

That turned out to be wrong, I was in an agriculture college, full of farm types. I was the only Aspie, I was the only guy into Rock and meta, I was the only guy who loved Sci Fi and Comics. I have a random sense of humor and I am bi-curious. I was bloody destroyed because of it.

I met no-one who accepted me for who I was, and i was shot down every chance they got. Any supposed friends I made always left me out, or gave me the impression that I was not involved, I was just an observer to it all. Everytime I made a joke or acted myself was criticized and complained. I never got into a house with anyone because no-one wanted me, and the supposed friends I did make said they didn't want me to come see them, so I had to resort to begging to be allowed to see them, as I had no-one else around. When i tried to tell my parents they yelled at me and told me to stop being so stupid. I now have to suffer meeting new people once again and I am really upset as given how first year gives you a big impression of Uni life, mine was one of hell.

But I am really scared for the coming year for all of the above. my confidence socially has been ripped apart again, and because it was worse then school for me I can't get out of the loop that is being haunted by my past because my past always seems to pop up again to destroy me. I am really upset and scared because I fear this year will just be the same. that I won't settle, I won't make friends or go out because everyone will just decide they hate me just for being me. last year I had no-one to relate too, no-one who loved the same things I did, and while they support system was there it couldn't get me off this seriously negative loop. I just don't see how I can really look forward to the year when last year socially was just horrible. Most of the people were horrible or just didn't want me around. I was rarely invited out, hardly ever asked if i wanted to do something, no-one would ever visit me unless they needed to borrow something. I could get over my school days because University was the same as school, just done much worse. A lot of peoples attitudes were just horrible towards me.

So what can i do? I will have to go in for counseling again and I keep having these recurring dreams about falling out with my supposed Uni friends and having no-one else to turn too. I fear that I will just encounter the same types of people who can;t accept me for how different I am. I was listening to radio 1 the other day and the presenter was on about Uni experiences and music, one girl rang in to say it was the best time of her life. She met loads of friends and fell in love and so on, I turned the radio off in disgust because my experience has been completely opposite. it's been utter horrible and i fear this will be the status quo for three more years.

Help me someone Because I've become increasingly tormented and depressed about it and it's starting to drive me nuts I feel like I barely survived first year. I don't know how i will survive this year, i fear it will just finish me off. each day I am becoming much much worse. A couple of friends outside Uni have tried to reassure me things will be fine, that I just need to get over things and move on. But given how i was treated i can't seem to accept that I feel like i won't be able to handle it.

although I've never been to uni, I can advise you to think If you'd like to give it up and go for a course or a job which you think you could do (I love your family guy pic btw!)

Thanks for the family Guy compliment. =)

But I think you misunderstand me. I can do the course no problem, Engineering is what I am good at. it's just that the people at my Uni last year treated me like s**t, and I am scared it will be the same this year.

I'll give an opinion. First, though, I'll mention that when I was young I did a year at uni then packed it in. The problems you're getting are fairly common for people with AS, and I've talked to several who've been in your situation. However, some did battle on and get a degree. Remember, even if you leave uni you'll still have those same problems with social interaction.

How I cope, now, is to separate work from any of my attempts at socialising. I'm very careful in my limited interactions with others in a business context to not get drawn into anything social. Generally, I won't even stop and have a cup of tea if offered. I'm polite, conscientious, and honest, but I do what they've contracted me to do, and that's that. People think you're odd at first, but they soon get used to it. It's damage limitation, you see. You can live with them thinking you're odd, as long as they don't find out how really messed-up you are socially. It can be hard, as I really do want to interact with others normally, but unfortunately it's the only method that's worked for me.

Perhaps you could try something like that, adapted to your situation. Forget socialising with the students you see every day, and concentrate on studying. As far as anything social goes, there is an AS pub group in the city referred to under your avatar. I think it's mainly youngsters (late teens through to late twenties). If you go to the Aspie Village website, one of the organisers posts there.

I'll add that your life in five years time will most likely be a lot easier financially if you do get the degree. However, if things are really bad, and you feel you must pack the study in, then it won't be the end of the world. There are plenty of other options.