I have no friends in school

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Actually, I am one of those "helpless" cases.

Just that easy, eh? I personally think you have no idea what you are talking about.

'Socialization is like proving math theorems, the more you practice, the better you'll become at it.'

Yes and no. There is an 'upper ceiling' for that. I am going to be 30 this year and the best I can do is having social events happening around me, but not with, or, not to think about, even for me. Picking people and events not for being great but choosing what makes you the least miserable, is it that? Aha. Can I have my money back, please?

Sorry for being that negative but I am absolutely and unforgivably fed up with advice-givers like you. If there would be easy ways I and of course others too would have found it. It is not like "not wanting or not knowing". It is like "not having much of a choice".

Please stop telling people your simple and probably well meant advice, it makes me miserable and feeling like an idiot reading or listening to it.

That's what I thought... but I ended up becoming very close with one of my roommates. Being in a difficult situation, especially if you're far from home, tends to bring people together. We would always cook and share food.

And if you don't... it's OK cause it's only a transition period in your life, and college isn't clique-y like high school.

I think it's an issue of confidence, not AS. Some people, like Crazy_Ben, are confident and therefore more willing to try and be social. Others, including myself, have almost no confidence whatsoever. It's probably a matter of branching out. If you already have good relations with your family, it's easier to see the best in people, and if you're rejected, then you have people to support you. But if you don't get along with your family and you have no-one, then it's hard to take that step forward.

Yeah zee is right im not too confident mind you i do try i mean you got to get good at it overwise there is a chance that you may be lonely or not get far in life.

I worry that it will be impossible to have friends not only because of AS, but because I am a few years older than most college students (I am 27). The nearest AS support group is in Fort Worth, 115 miles away.

Tim

I don't think anyone outside of my family will attend my going-away party.

Tim

27 isn't so old... and there are sure to be others in your age range. I've never been to an AS support group, and I survived... and of course you'll have WP for support!

I've never been to a support group

But this IS a support group of sorts, isn't it?

Very few people want to be my friend, and as far as a relationship goes, my chances of that are zero, due to the combination of AS and my age--unless she is an Aspie.

Tim

Well, relationships are a different story. You sound like a great guy, and if you lived in my area, I'd ask you out for coffee any day. I'm sure it's just a matter of time until you find your special woman... and don't forget that most girls prefer their BF to be a few years older than they are. It seems to me that you're heading to a ripe pasture.

Also, when I was in college, I wasn't in a serious relationship, nor were most of the people I knew. All that studying and being on your own for the first time should be enough of an experience!

Of course I can only talk about my own experiences. I do not live on the moon, I live among people. Social problems I might have do not come from low self esteem. The latter is a consequence to what I experienced because of interaction, not because of a lack of it. As a consequence I became very selective who to interact with.

People learn from experience and adjust their behaviour accordingly. There is nothing wrong with that. Somebody not having problems during social interaction will have it easy finding friends and going out (yes, that is a tautology).

If somebody becomes evasive or avoidant of certain situations because of experiencing those as highly uncomfortable, confusing or even painful, then it is just normal healthy human behaviour not to seek those situations in everyday life.

Coping with that, for example adjusting to a more positive attitude towards people is necessary and it can be done. But it is hard and requires a lot. It is normal and natural that this is not easy.

There is no point in telling yourself "yes, my low esteem is responsible for my problems". This does nothing more than lowering your self esteem even more.

Crazy_Ben obviously never experienced how it feels when literally everybody is school seems to be against you and you do not know why or how to put an end to that. He probably never experienced how it feels to be treated like an idiot during an PE lesson by teachers and other pupils. Which adds to a miserable school experience even more.

There are people who have or had such experiences on a regular basis over years. Some quit school because they cannot handle that and manage normal school challenges together.

I neither wish Crazy_Ben making such experience nor do I say he should have had those. But I tell such people to shut up because they know and understand nothing.

It is no challenge handling things that are easy, the challenge is succeeding the hard way. I welcome everybody contributing advice to that.

Thank you Zee, for trying to talk some sense to Byrlawson, because the fact of the matter is that even people who AREN'T confident, if they practice, become confident. That's the simple truth. I don't really think of anyone as being "helpless." It's true that some people would benefit greatly from anti-anxiety drugs, but I'm not one of them, though others may be among that group and if so, take a look and decide for yourself. I'm willing to try to new things since being alone and lonely is a waste of my time Byrlawson! Does that make any sense to you? Have you ever tried to do anything on your own? If you tell me you that you have not, I would assume that you're lying just then. I really do believe that MOST people, let's say 99%, can do many more things with themselves than they realize. It's up to you to do what you want, but I hope you have some fun doing and learning new things along the way. Yeah, there's always an upper-ceiling on ability, but it's seldom where people think it is, as any psychologist will tell you. You're on this forum and you don't have to take anyone's advice, but don't let yourself feel like an idiot on my account, I would hope you feel like going out and doing something with your spare time and having fun, that's what life's about, it's short, don't waste it being anxious about the great Unknown

Before I was in H.S., people always treated me as an odd one. It sucked. Kids used to make fun of me at lunch time and during P.E. It sucked. Girls would look the other way when I tried to strike up conversation. H.S. was scarcely better, except that many called me a genius and the like and that really gave me more confidence that at least I could SOMETHING right, well study I mean. But beyond that, H.S. was a bore and a waste of my time and I had only 3 good friends in that whole 3 years I was down here in Florida. College was still bad for a couple of years, then something changed. I was sure I was good at what I chose to be good at, and from that flowed the confidence that often helps me greatly. Yeah, sometimes I'm nervous about going to new places, new settings, meeting new people. But's it largely the interesting friends I've made, the girls I had a chance with (at least for sex if not much more in most cases) that have made me sure of my own Self. I tell you though Byrlawson, it was my old roommate, who was more Aspie than me!, that taught me some of the secrets of "proper" social interactions, and despite that I'm still considered a wild and unruly guy!
Anyhow, you can do it! Whatever it is you want. I believe that. It might take a long time, it took me years of careful practice to even remotely blend into this harsh fuc@#$ NT world we live in, but I did it and I hope you can too. And have some fun bro.

Before I was in H.S., people always treated me as an odd one. It sucked. Kids used to make fun of me at lunch time and during P.E. It sucked. Girls would look the other way when I tried to strike up conversation. H.S. was scarcely better, except that many called me a genius and the like and that really gave me more confidence that at least I could SOMETHING right, well study I mean. But beyond that, H.S. was a bore and a waste of my time and I had only 3 good friends in that whole 3 years I was down here in Florida. College was still bad for a couple of years, then something changed. I was sure I was good at what I chose to be good at, and from that flowed the confidence that often helps me greatly. Yeah, sometimes I'm nervous about going to new places, new settings, meeting new people. But's it largely the interesting friends I've made, the girls I had a chance with (at least for sex if not much more in most cases) that have made me sure of my own Self. I tell you though Byrlawson, it was my old roommate, who was more Aspie than me!, that taught me some of the secrets of "proper" social interactions, and despite that I'm still considered a wild and unruly guy!
Anyhow, you can do it! Whatever it is you want. I believe that. It might take a long time, it took me years of careful practice to even remotely blend into this harsh fuc@#$ NT world we live in, but I did it and I hope you can too. And have some fun bro.