Funny professor quotes

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"...now if the blue magical emu were on life support then we'd need two blue magical emus on life support to keep the koala alive..."

"No wonder why you guys aren't reacting to the pictures...I never showed them to you"

Teacher reacting to my bad handwriting of the word "earlier" : "Oh! I thought it said 'Ear heist'!"

Elementary school teacher: "You really must stop all of the enthusiam there. It might be damaging."

Secondary school librarian: "Using wikipedia will get you killed!! !! !"

and my personal favorite;

On a powerpoint from the principal about how to succeed in school: READ GOOD BOOKS, THEY ARE GOOD FOR YOU.

Some gems from my high school English teacher (almost all in jest... I hope)

There are some people where the world would be better off if they were just clubbed to death like baby seals.

I would love to have a beer mug of your skull.

Now, before we start discussing poetry, I want to tell you one thing. One hundred percent of all poetry is written by liberals. (in a tone of disgust, as though speaking a swear word)

William the Conqueror only invaded England because he couldn't get girls with a name like William the Bastard.

Liberals use dry erase markers. Conservatives use chalk.

I'm an environmentalist fascist.

My Calc II Professor: "Dan, you're an engineer, you don't need to know how to spell."

From my Spanish teacher:

In response to "but we live in a democracy!" (in an attempt to get out of classwork): "I don't get all of these teachers now days that let students take majority votes. A classroom is not a democracy. It's a dictatorship, and I'm the dictator."

"I need passion! Passion! You're hysterical alligators! Thrash around and swing those tails!" (All while acting out what a hysterical alligator would look like.)

During a rant about bullying in school: "There's a certain type a lot of kids go after too, especially in middle school. You know, that real pale kid who probably wears glasses and is smart but very, very quiet... Like Lucia. Oh fudge, that's not what I meant."

Military history teacher:

"Your homework over the break is to tell your mother you love her, even if you don't, no tattoos, no piercings, and no getting married."

"You know, I now have a former student in every field of service. After the last one finishes her training, I'll put my plan in motion and we'll invade China! I will be ruler!"

And the quote my mother's Spanish teacher (who was German) always used to girls who were chewing gum: "You look like a cow on a barstool."

Everyone in the classroom was talking about smoking pot and all that during one of our breaks (it was a 2:45 math 107 class), and the professor jumps into the conversation talking about how the previous weekend was her first time smoking pot since she got pregnant, because she was finally finished breast-feeding XD.

'When Moses came down from the Mountain there was one commandment he did not present:
11 - Thou shall not divide by zero'

-Andrew Bellemi
University of Auckland