Its Ironic...

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its ironic the very day that I wrote this I was thinking about the grace that God provides. After I was finished I went to sweetaddie.com like I always do and there it was the obitchuary. I was crushed. How could a man with such talent turn to something so dark as susicide? Why could he not see the nail scared hands of Chirst reaching out to him? All he had to do was call upon God and he would be there. It baffleled my mind to the point of me cutting myself and loseing a pint of blood right there in my dorm room on the floor. Not to long after this I was sent home and told to get better or I couldn't return again. The year following the death of elliott I tryed to commit susicide, later relizeing that it was the one year annerversery in a state of shock. I admit I've made some poor choices over the years. Two years of takeing online classes at home being reminded of my failures and his death that constantly is in my face. I can't think about it for to long for fear of loseing it again. I try to focous on the wonderful music he left behind, but my heart litteraly ackes for his soul. I don't think this wound will ever heal. Its as if I can feel God's heart his longing and ackeing for elliott to know him. I sit here in tears, people think I'm nuts, but thats ok, I guess no one will ever understand what its like to be torn with your faith, and relive daily the death of someone who ment so much to you.

Ok calm, if your God is all forgiving then he will have forgiven him by now right and he would want you to be hurt.

Yes, it is

I forgive you just dont do it again and while your at it stop beliving in god you will never get another chance at life so respect the one you have.

Hannah-God wants you to enjoy and take full advantage of the life He has given you; not pine away on these dark, obsessive thoughts. That's His job and He can handle it without your help. You don't have to grieve over everything. He is in control. Think about living each day to the fullest and for God's glory. When you begin to define yourself as God sees you, you can begin to really live and that's rich!

PS-You're lying to yourself about the cutting. It doesn't work.

How do you define yourself as God sees you?


You can read about it in His book.

I define god as I see myself. Whatever the hell that means.

If i hit a dog with my car, i'd think of god as seeing that i had done well or at least not poorly because i know that he knows i tried my best not to hit that dog. And if i didnt try my best, I know that he doesnt care about spilt milk either. Basically i make myself believe that whatever i do god is cool with and understands my position. It is a really good system.