School, My story

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Hello everyone!

I feel that I have to tell of my personal experience of having Aspergers and going in school. At first I thought it would be too private to write about it on a online forum but then I think it can provide some information about how situations can be which may be helpful for others.


In preface to the story: I've never been to an Asperger class.

I've always had a very easy time learning things, read and wrote with ease after just turning 3. Have scored extremely high on the IQ tests I later underwent to diagnose AS.

Started primary school at age 6 (in the country where I live you usually start at 7) ahead of all classmates in everything except for maybe P.E.
Until I started the 7th grade aged 12 things went on quite smoothly. Didn't have too many friends but wasn't completely alone either. Always felt a bit different but it wasn't too bad.
Since I had such an easy time I jumped up another class, so I was 2 years younger than the others, but I went back to my old class after a while because I felt that
my age meant I was really small compared to the others.

In 7th grade hell started after changing school, The coming 3 years was to become constant bullying and ridiculing. I started to hate school, every day was marked of feeling left out or harassed by the others. As they started entering the teenage years they started partying, which I was left out of. Lots of things happened during the last year, among other things they hacked my mail and started terrorising a lot of people with it. Noone wanted to be friends with me there and during a very sensitive period (13-15) I got very insecure of myself and I lost my self confidence. I started to develop anxiety and I felt just terrible all the time. I really felt different, very isolated, neither the girls would accept me.
However I managed to finish primary school with good grades although not paying too much attention to the subjects.

Then it was time for high school. The first day when we should gather I met the old classmates from primary school, they started harassing me in front of my new classmates which I had met an hour earlier. I from the beginning hated high school and the new class wasn't too accepting of me either.

A few months after the high school start I got to live with a relative in another town to go in another school, which I liked, the classmates were nice and I felt quite accepted. However I had to quit there because of a problem that had nothing to do with myself or AS.
Then I had to return to my old high school..... I was placed in another class which also was problematic, they didn't bully me, just ignored me completely.

Every day for three years I ate lunch there in the cantina alone, if I sat next to the others they could just go away, I walked alone in the corridors during breaks between lessons, noone ever spontaneously sat next to me in the classrooms. When I spoke to them they just replied, never asked me anything. I talked with teachers but they said I should not take it personally because the class consisted of people that were tightly bond in groups knowing each other since childhood.

Although I still managed the subjects easy I started to go down in quite deep depression and had to take antidepressants, I was diagnosed with AS. I became extremely unmotivated to the subjects but still managed enough energy to barely pass them. My parents always told me to not give up. I was hospitalized several times for severe panic attacks.

After 3 more years I finally graduated from high school. But I had 4 subjects left unfinished.

So the year after that I went to an adult educational center to try to complete it, but I had such a lack of energy and depressions so I only managed to do 2 of them.

Now I'm 20 and going to enter my 6th year of trying to complete high school, now only 2 subjects are left. I hope to soon finish it but I feel very frustrated when I see my grades are not good enough for the things I want at university when I'm finally done with all wasted years of misery. Most teachers have commented a lot and been genuinely surprised on my capacity/knowledgeability but because of the depression and situation I've just not bothered to do very well in the subjects. Also university feels frightening, it could be very fun but I'm scared of ever getting into a situation similar to what I've been through.
I also suffer from severe frustration because of the AS, the anxiety and feeling odd, destructive thoughts, not having a normal social life, bitterness of never having done any stuff like teenagers do like ever having fun with friends or having a girlfriend etc. I'm constantly very tense because of accumulated frustration. How I wish to just experience having a social life doing things like chilling with friends or whatever, getting out and doing stuff.

Looking forwards to see if anyone can identify themselves with the struggle living with AS and how it can affect your youth and school.

Stupid people do not learn, smart people do not need teaching, thus school is for mediocre minds.

think about it. also think what you really want to do in life and what does it require. school is fundamentally easy choice for those who dont know what to do.