College Socializing

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My college hosted a movie screening last night to which my friend invited me. There were about 200 people there. He hadn't yet arrived when I got there so I mingled as I knew quite a few people there.

That is when the trouble began.

For the most part, all of the people that I spoke with respect me. The problem is when other people come along and start talking, I usually comes across as looking wierd because I'm always quiet. Why am I quiet? Because I don't know what to say.
Sometimes small talk about classes and what they plan to do that night will work. But other times its either not appropriate given the fact that they are talking about something different or we have run out of small talk topics and it doesn't lead anywhere.

I'll share a couple of examples from last night and maybe someone could offer advise.

I walked up to one group as someone was talking about how they had a bad start to college by drinking too much and therefore had disorderly behavior and they wanted to be careful from now on. I didn't have much to contribute to the conversation and when I did it seemed like I was disrupting the flow of the conversation (and no one say that I should just say "Excuse me" and then speak because for that sort of situation, it's way too formal.

I saw another friend of mine and decided to say hi as he was speaking to some other friends. They were talking about a memory they had of a night that they went to a fast food place once and it was gross. I made a suggestion about a place to go, but that was the only thing I could think of to add to the conversation. It was awkward just standing there shaking my head.

Don't walk into existing conversations you say? Well people will come up to friends of mine while we are the only ones talking and I don't know what to say to them and I have the same problem.

This has always been an issue for me. HELP.

Not sure if it's the same situation but I understand where you are coming from. While I was in college before I saw a group of guys talking video games I mention Mario and got weird looks. Also someone IMO rudely corrected me on pronouncing a name (alot of game developers are japanese who cares if I can't pronounce it! I say it the way I FEEL it should be said!)

I appreciate that you can understand what I'm talking about, but I'm actually looking for input to do something to correct the situation.

That's been a problem for me too- I never know what to say and when I do it feels like I'm butting in. One of the things that I've learned to do is basically just repeat what the person who's talking says so that you're agreeing with them. So if the person was talking about the fast food restaurant you say, "oh yeah that sounds so bad!". At least you're saying something, right? Also I find it a lot easier to ask questions than to add a contribution. So asking how the place was bad, or where the store was? I also always wait for everyone else in the group to talk once the first person finishes what they say. Usually there's the one person talking, and then they stop and everyone else in the group chimes in. Once the other people in the group start talking, I know it's safe to say something without interrupting. Going with a friend you know well always helps too, so that when in doubt you can just follow your friend's lead.

You seem a lot better at the whole mingling process than me. I wouldn't have even said anything, and that suggestion you made about another restaurant sounds pretty good to me. I guess just keep practicing?

When you're with a fair amount of people (and especially if some are drinking), you often just have to jump in the conversation. I'm like you, I have the urge to be polite and not interrupt, but you have to just be loud enough to get the point across that it's your turn.


I think that's an appropriate thing to say as long as you didn't say it in a really formal way. A good way to say it (for this setting) would be something like "have you been to _______? It's so good!" There are a lot of times that it's hard to join the conversation and you have to just use your judgment or wait a bit to join in.

I know EXACTLY what you mean, you pretty much described the same situation I'm constantly faced with. I'm with doeintheheadlights, the only way i ever add anything to the conversation is by agreeing with something someone else already said by repeating it and maybe adding a little bit more to it. I try to avoid questions though, too often will i ask a really obvious or stupid question in a foolish attempt to look like I'm part of the conversation. often I find too that if I'm extremely drunk i do better just because i will just but into the conversation with no regard to whoever else is talking, but that can have obvious downsides relating to being much drunker then everyone else. maybe that's the key though, maybe you just gotta blow into it with something to say regardless of timing or if its stupid or not, if i could muster up the courageto do so without all the alcohol involved i bet it would work pretty well.