Huge problems with bullying

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I've been bullied non-stop since nursery. In high school it just got worse and worse, and now I don't think I can take it anymore. Since a few years ago, I've been getting into huge fits of anger that usually result in a meltdown, and me screaming uncontrollably. Everyone thinks i'm some kind of f*****g freak, but to me, this is an entirely normal reaction. I'm being pushed to the damn edge by all this bullying, and I feel like I have to get revenge on the idiots who do this to me, and when I can't, I just scream out of anger and sadness. To make it worse, the school just is not tolerant of this. They act as if it's worse than the bullying. The bullies will often get away with it, while I get excluded or something just for pushing someone. It's f*****g ridiculous and I'm tired of it. They constantly tell me to stop getting angry like this, but I CAN'T. NO ONE understands that. NTs just seem completely unable to comprehend that I cannot just suddenly stop having meltdowns like this. They act as if I WANT to do it, like I'm some kind of attention whore that gets angry for no good reason. But I have plenty of good reasons, they just won't accept them. To them, the bullies are causing no harm to the NT school environment, whereas I am a problem merely because I'm different. I don't know what I'm going to do if I get kicked out of the school, my life will turn to s**t. I just want to be accepted, but no one will anymore. The friends that I had abandoned me long ago, and not even in a friendly, "we're sorry" way. They bullied me for months, gradually getting everyone to join in with them until the point where my entire friendship group hated me with a passion. It's f*****g brutal. And they say people with AS have no empathy? The hell? These guys literally care for no one but themselves. And I'm god damn tired of it.

So, what the hell do I do? I can't stop getting angry, and the bullies won't stop torturing me. I really don't want to get expelled from the school, it would make me feel like a complete outcast, like my life was officially over.

This is what you do:

It's generally illegal to assault or harass an individual in most western countries. If you are in the US, bullying also infringes on your right to the pursuit of happiness.

Write down explaining clearly the ways and which you are bullied and document the incidents. TELL YOUR PARENTS you are being bullied. A lot of people don't like involving their parents in things when they are in jr high or highschool but doing so does not mean you are a baby. It means you are mature enough to think logically, because the school is more likely to listen to your parents because parents have the resources to take legal action if they need to.

Have your parents arrange a meeting with the school, and the bullies parents so everyone has a record that you are being harassed and you have taken action to have the harassment stopped.

If it continues, your options are to take legal action, transfer schools, home school, or if you are in higschool, some accelerated degree program so you can move on to college.

Okay, you're a good person, you have a good future.

And you have a pretty good understanding of the mechanism of how the school works. The damn school 'authorities' (if you can even call them that) are more concerned with the appearance of smooth functioning than how people are treated. This is how most institutions work, but there are ways to game the situation, to play it, If there was one teacher with matter-of-fact confidence who could look at the bullies 'That s**t ain't cool' And he says it and means it. That kind of constructive individual is a little bit few and far between. So, you need more shorter, matter-of-fact meetings, not the long meetings like Chronos is talking about. Short as in matter-of-fact demonstration of strength.

Tight, defensive boxing to a draw. One week
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt134616.html
I wrote this back in August. If you come to it, a casual 'if you want to go a few rounds, we can go a few rounds' attitude, you box someone your own size to a draw. If you win, you graciously accept it. If you lose, graciously accept. Your own size, I don't want to oversell, that's what's obtainable. And because post-concussion syndrome is real, you don't want to take a bunch of blows to the head during training (and headgear doesn't really protect).

As far as rage, ride the zen waves and have faith there'll be something on the other side. Something I read about smoking, a smoker trying to quit thinks the urge to smoke again will rise and rise, no, it's like a wave, it comes and then it goes. So just view the anger and the rage---and what you describe, I'd feel anger, too---as a wave that comes, that rises and then it falls. Play with it a little bit, dance it a little bit. Maybe something you pick it up as a zen snippet or a mantra. Or if you can write, just a sentence or two within a couple of minutes after it happens. And don't let other people see what you are doing, when you next sit down in a class, open a textbook as if you're studying and write a phrase in the margin that means something to you but probably not to other people.

And what happened with your friends abandoning you, not be decent about it, getting other people to join in with persecution, that's brutal, just f*****g brutal, just like you say. It is one of the least flattering aspects of human nature, and it runs that deep. Think of what a small percentage of the German citizen did anything at all to stop the systematic killing of Jews, Gypsies, homosexualities, etc. In numbers, a fair number of people are listed as 'righteous gentiles,' but in terms of percentage, it's pathetic. One thing, be an activist, according to your own best lights make the world a better place.

Read the essay "Why Nerd are Unpopular" http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html
where just like ladies in waiting in a French court, it's just a completely artificial environment, we're not doing anything with the real world, so it of course dissolves to infighting. That is a typical American high school.

Things are bad enough, considering moving in with grandparents or cousins and attending that high school. As part of the social hierarchy at the new place, possibililty someone will try and pick a fight to see where you are on the pecking order. The boxing gives a certain confidence which sometimes conveys. So the fact that you're prepared, paradoxically, it's therefore less likely.

And dream big post high school. Consider medical school and being a doctor. No, you don't have to be great in science, you'd be more of a 'bridge person,' who puts it in lay person terms and are willing to have real conversations (still brief, kind of the less is more motiff in art)

The very aspie traits that often make us poor employees, also make us good entrepreneurs. Now, fair warning, 80% failure rate of new businesses, primarily because of undercapitalization. So, don't sink a bunch of money into a store front. Think business you can run out of your car or home.

Or maybe something like accounting, where there's a certification which you can probably do and where the practitioners are allowed to be a little nerdy, a little 'eccentric' if you will.

And keeping talking here. We together, our group here working together, can help you figure out some good strategic moves.

Threaten to sue the school if they don't get it under control or at least punch thouse who are bullying you.

It sounds tough and very hard to go through. You are such a strong person to withstand it! I bet there is not one of them who could have held on like you. Of course you are angry and it is so natural! And that is silly for them to expect you not to get angry, they would be angry too if it happened to them. It is not just anger they would feel, but they would feel hurt and excluded. They would wonder what they ever did they do to be treated that way. And just think, you are so strong and so much more powerful than them to even to have made it this far in school. It takes a lot of mental energy to do the work that is expected of you when others are non-supportive and are ready to see the worse in you. You sustained yourself, when they needed a group of people to sustain their self image. Now how awesome are you?! !! What you have is strength and courage that majority of people do not have. You should be proud.

BTW: You are not alone. There are many many others like you. It doesn't help you at school when this happens, but sometimes it is nice to know there really are others that understand and who have made it. I know someone personally who was beat up by his entire class and was told by the school he had no right to defend his self. It didn't just stop there. I can think of many times this person had to go to the doctor, because of injuries he sustained from others. Plus, the words that others said hurt him too, may have been worse than the physical injuries. It gets easier after school so you know even when at times it seems hopeless. Yah, school is important, but I believe there are things you personally can do. Here are some ideas which I hope are helpful (I think all of them have already been addressed though):

You could check into legal action. You could record it or have someone record it. Do you think you could? What about a voice recorder? Maybe tell your parents if you haven't. And it MIGHT be beneficial to talk to the school counselor... or an outside one. You can get statements and keep track of all action the school has taken. The school and the kids could be held reliable for their participation or lack of. Depending on age and what they are doing it could be classified criminal. No guarantee and it could leave you frustrated if the person(s) get away with it again. School's do not like the thought of a lawsuit though so it could scare them into action.

You could check into an accelerated/alternative program at the school. If not, sometimes the community colleges have programs to earn the H.S. diploma. The atmosphere at a college I tend to find more accepting. Plus, some colleges even accept the credit you already from high school and can be a little more lax on what is required (maybe not so many electives needed). And you get college credit for high school courses, how cool is that? You would be a couple steps ahead depending on what level of courses you are on. I think when I was in school there was an actual program that the school paid for the college. You would have to check into it for your area.

There is the option of home school. A lot of home school can be done on the computer. Plus, depending on your family and means field trips can be a lot more fun. There is so much more flexibility and if you have relatives or friends that are long distance you get along with, you can visit anytime of year. Oh and some school's give families money to purchase supplies for school material, which helps. And some give laptops to do the homework on (even though I am not sure of the details on this one though). And since you get to be selective about what programs you want to use, you actually end up with a way better education. Plus, if you have a particular subject you really love you can spend more time on it or if you have a different learning style you have more flexibility to work around it.

I thought of one more option. There is this program called Job Corps. I knew someone who participated in it and loved it. They paid for room and board, schooling and gave stipend, but I don't remember much about it and it could have changed a whole lot since then. I know you have to be 16 to join. Here is the link: http://www.jobcorps.gov/Home.aspx

You could transfer schools. It doesn't guarantee that you won't bullied still. The fact is you are wonderfully different and a lot times kids pick on those that are different from their selves. It doesn't make it right, but it does happen like any crime. I am glad you are an upstanding person. If only others could be a little more like you this world would be a lot better off. Keep your chin up and use your talents wisely.

I will keep thinking about it and I will post something more if I think of anything new. I hope this was helpful for you.

If the bullies are making you feel unsafe, report them to the police. File harassment charges and threaten to go to the news papers if the school doesn't listen. A threat of bad publicity might get the school on their toes. Better yet, they had their chance, talk to a reporter and tell them that there's a bullying problem at your school and that the staff have done nothing to solve it. Tell them your a student with aspergers or autism and explain that the school hasn't been handling them responsibly.

You are right our society blames the victim.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Being bullied is every reason to feel angry.
You are not alone. I wish I could wave a magic wand to make it go away.
Someone from your college or school needs to step in immediately to stop these bullies
and support you in the process. I may be out of line but I believe you need to feel heard and
understood.

Yelling, anger, outbursts, swearing are simpy ways to be heard. And often when someone
is this angry the bullying is that bad. The school needs to see this. The bullying is so bad you
are not yourself. You sound angry and this is good. Keep in mind that anger is your tool.
Often Anger is about fear. Anger is fear based. Fear of being hurt by these cruel people.


And what is really hard is these bullies are savvy, sneaky, social opportunitsts who know how
to turn a group against you. UNFAIR. Truly unfair to you. And I am sorry this is happening.


You may need to exaggerate your fear. (show fear not anger to the administration)
Not to the bully-ies but to the school, police, admininstration.
The school/college needs to see you as a victim not a person complaining. They could care
less about complainers. You already know this as they have done little to help you.
They see you as a complainer and a yeller but they need to HEAR what you are saying.
Let them see a different side of you. That you are being hurt, victimized and damaged.
That you are vulnerable, fearful, upset by the bullies cruelty.
They may need to view your anger, outbursts and behavior as one who is suffering from
Post Tramautic Stress disorder. Your reaction is fear based.


Do you have a safe friend who can help?
A school advisor you trust?
A parent, sibling, advocate or even a case manager?
A therapist, doctor, psychologist or counselor ?
A pastor that can come to your aide?
You need someone on your side when you present your case to the school and police.
Someone who can "translate" your views in a calm, serious and vulnerable way.
A friend can be the supportive voice that can guide you in this.

This won't happen over night. It takes time and you need to feel safe. But this can
get better. You might consider carrying a recording device at all time. This means you
are being recorded too so be on your best behavior. Let the adminstration see and
hear the bad behavior of these bullies so that it will stop.


Keep posting and writing about the stress of this. Keep a journal so that you can
have evidence to the administration what is going on.
Sending cyber positive thoughts and wishes your way
~mm