Telling your roommates about your disorders--good or bad?

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I'm starting college soon, and I've heard mixed things on whether it's a good idea to share with your roommates that you have an ASD (I actually have NLD, not AS, but at least with me, there are so many similarities that I can accept advice from people with AS and vice versa). People don't typically suspect anything is wrong with me right away, but if I spend significant time with them, they start getting irritated by my stimming, realize that I make some social errors, notice that I'm kind of hyperactive/anxious, etc. Because of a difficulty with friends in the past, I was advised by someone to be upfront with my roommates right away, so they wouldn't think my behavior was aimed at annoying them. I've been in an email correspondence with my roommates for several months now. I haven't touched on my NLD, we've mostly just been talking about decorating preferences, our favorite activities, our majors, etc. Do you think it would be wise for me to mention my NLD to my roommates now via email, or should I wait until later? (see poll). If you disclosed your ASD to your roommates, when did you do so, how did you break it to them, and what was the outcome?

I did not realize I had Asperger's in college. I was diagnosed at 23. But recently my old roommate from when we were 18 told me via e-mail (after I disclosed my AS to her) that she suspected I was autistic when we were roommates but didn't want to be rude and ask.

I did things that annoyed her - for example if she had left the room at 11 pm to go hang out with other people and she left her computer on I couldn't sleep with the glow and the high-pitched ringing noise, so I turned her computer off, sometimes necessitating me to save and close her documents. I think she took this as intrusive and didn't understand how the glow bothered me and told me she didn't hear the buzzing noise (which is of course VERY strong and grating to my ears).

I had and still have what would probably be called "emotional immaturity" by NTs but what I like to call emotional intensity (being as I'll always be this way as far as I know) and I cried a lot and then the next time she saw me I would be smiling and cheerful.

I am a stuffed-animal enthusiast

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I spent so much focus trying to be a good socializer that I completely neglected my schoolwork, which was especially weird at this school since it was a "good" one where you didn't just go to party, everyone there was very motivated to succeed.

So if you're anything like me your roommates will figure out something's a bit different about you eventually. I wouldn't disclose it immediately unless you consider it a core part of your identity that you want people to be thinking of as integral to you, but maybe after a few weeks if you notice there have been some odd interactions I'd casually mention your NLD if you feel like that would improve understanding between you and your roommates.

Also if I may ask does NLD include sensory sensitivities? I looked it up but could find no answer. I am just wondering to try to provide relevant advice.

As far as I can tell I have all the symptoms of NLD listed on wikipedia (not a scientific reference I know). Oh except for verbal communication - I'm much better at understanding writtten communication by others.

Why have roommates at all?

Oh, yeah, I remember. Single rooms cost more. A lot more. I wouldn't tell anyone.

@ purchase. I think the line between AS and NLD is very ambiguous. In any description I've read of NLD, it doesn't mention sensory difficulties, but I've heard of many people online with NLD who have sensitivities to sound, light, touch, etc. I'm definitely with you regarding sensitivity to electronics..once on a trip, my friend was playing with her Gameboy late into the night. The glow and sound effects prevented me from falling asleep. I definitely have a problem with lighting, especially in Walmart and in restaurants which are dimmly lit except those bright chandeliers above the tables. I find myself sharing a lot of AS symptoms, so I could take that as the fact that I am AS and NLD, or maybe, it's just that psychologists haven't properly documented the symptoms of NLD since little attention is given to it.

Get to know them and see if they are open minded. If they aren't too self-absorbed then it will probably help. If they are very superficial and into social drama/reputation type things then it probably would do more harm than good though.

@purchase: : ) I can't imagine after that story that you can see having an ASD as anything BUT a core part of an autistic's identity. It is THE core. The neural filter through which every thought you have and every decision you make is processed.

Coralie - Bottom line: Whether or not you disclose, your behavior will be the same. If they know you have autism, at least there will be a reason for your peculiarity. Whether that will cause a roommate to be more tolerant and accepting of your quirks will depend entirely on that individual.

However, IMHO, it is better to drop it into conversation early on, so its already out there, rather than mention it after someone has become irritated with you for behaving oddly, at which time it will come off sounding much more like a lame excuse.

Good point avengilante. I guess I just hate labels cause I feel they separate and I like focusing on samenesses but true, it's better to say it earlier on if it's gonna come up eventually, and autism IS part of one's core being.

That kind of changes things. An ongoing relationship helps you out. They might see you as a full-fledged person who's also NLD or on the spectrum, and not just as a label. Please trust your gut feelings. There's a possible opportunity in which you might invite a roommate can give you some matter-of-fact coaching and then tell her whether it's helpful or not. This is probably the kind of thing you want to underdo, but still an opportunity.

And maybe tell them in a series of medium steps. For example, with myself, I tend to have patchy social skills and that very aspect of patchiness can throw people off. They might think 'Well, if you can do this, then you can certainly do . . . ' Not necessarily. They might think it's intentional, and it really isn't.

We on the spectrum can definitely learn new skills and add to our repertoire. I tell myself it's about engagement, not conformity.

And also, I'd encourage you to be open to skills of low-key leadership. For example, if you're thinking about law, ask some classmates and dormmates if they want to go see a court case. Or ask people if they'd be interested in an early Saturday morning hike. A lot of people don't do this and it's amazing how much of a need there is for this kind of low-key and respectful leadership (and if people decline, just graciously accept it). To some extent, it's almost like you're skipping followship skills and going straight to the good stuff. But really, it's more about accepting some gaps and adding skills in both areas at the same time.