last steps seeming impossible for some reason

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I've finished my coursework for a master's degree, but I haven't started my thesis yet. The teacher I wanted as my committee chair is leaving the university, I haven't started moving on my thesis yet at all. I had an idea and I know what I need to do next, but I'm so afraid of another setback I feel unable to move forward. It's been such a long road to get this far, what remains to be done should be relatively easy. I've done this sort of thing before, I've been principal investigator on competitive grants, I can do it, I know that. But I'm so afraid of coming across any sort of opposition from anyone. This is what I'm good at, this is my best side of myself, this is why my family respects me in spite of everything else. I can't face taking a single risk at this time.

Maybe it's because there's too much at stake. I'm really unhappy living here with my mother, and once I finish my thesis and take my degree I can move. My mother is emotionally abusive and perhaps it is because she has tried to make me feel unable to leave that I'm afraid to face the next steps. But I wonder if I am succumbing to the sense that where I succeed in academics and in life, it is a bit of a fluke, and the spell could be broken at any moment. When I was younger and had no idea I was autistic, I was a bit dissociative. When I was confused I just tuned out whatever confused me. It kept me from feeling overwhelmed but in many ways I was very dysfunctional. I don't dissociate that way now and I get into less trouble, but I feel more distress because I face things I used to completely ignore. It's beginning to be too much, at least for the time being. Not sure what to do.

So much for self-motivation. Your story sounds like my story. I finished all the coursework for my doctorate, I've been doing grant-funded research for years, I teach and I'm good at it, but I just can't make any progress on my #^&$%^#$@ dissertation. I know everything I need to know and I know exactly what I need to do. Maybe it's the lack of hard deadlines, executive dysfunction, or just plain procrastination, but every time I sit down to start writing I just stare at my screen for a while and my mind wanders off somewhere else. So uhh... sorry I wasn't much help, and good luck with that.

I had the same problem for my master's degree. I procrastinated like there was no tomorrow (or, I guess, like there was always going to be a tomorrow >.>). By setting some individual and more minor goals, I managed to get there, slowly in the beginning, quicker by the end. Start with the literature and just try to read something and type something every day. Write your thesis one sentence at a time and you'll still get there in the end.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone at least. I decided I have too much on my plate to tackle it this fall, but I can still finish before next fall by starting in the spring and finishing in the summer. I have a lot of planning done, but there are some potential hurdles I haven't confronted yet. If they prove insurmountable I'll need a whole new idea, and I'm not ready to face that possibility yet.