Graduate School

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Any of you in graduate school? What are your experiences?

I'm a graduate student myself in philosophy. So far it's been tough. Things were OK during the first three or so years -- I took a ton of classes, I had exams, there was a lot of structure -- but once you get to the Ph.D. you have very little to do except write and teach classes, so it can be very lonely and stressful -- especially if you have difficulty connecting with other people.

I live in family student housing, so everybody around me has children and spouses -- but I've never been very good with dating. (I'm also gay, so that doesn't help. I could probably post a whole (n)other topic about having aspergers in the gay community -- which is pretty snooty even if you don't have it!) So I'm single and everyone in my department is getting married or starting families -- except for the unlucky few who have long-distance relationships (which academic life seems to force on many people). That can make it easy to feel isolated. I also don't have many friends -- it isn't that I can't talk to people. I interact with people well enough when I go in to the department and in classes. It was like that through the rest of school too. What always gives me trouble is hanging out with people outside of classes -- finding excuses to ask people out, making time to see people, finding social activities that engage me. (When I'm with a group of people I very often zone out unless I have a personal interest in the topic of conversation -- that's always the hardest thing, either expressing or simulating an interest in other people's interests. Maybe everybody has trouble with that, but if you tend to develop obsessive interests around very specific topics that the general population doesn't share, that can make things even harder.)

Another problem I've had is asking tons of questions in classes. It annoys everybody around me, but either I can't help it or I don't want to. I'll get interested in something and keep pushing at it. Sometimes when I talk I, as one of my professors has put it, "think out loud". And I can be very argumentative, even (or especially) with professors. I get the feeling grad students are expected to display a certain humility (like you're not supposed to talk during colloquia unless you have a really good point, you're supposed to defer to professors' judgment -- they're your professors after all!) and I can get very combative and competitive, especially if there's an idea I don't like -- even if I don't have a very good reason for disliking it!

And then there's the whole business of writing papers and attending conferences. I HATE sitting and listening to lectures, especially when I can't ask questions. And as far as writing papers go, I tend to have ideas that my professors describe as a stretch -- or I go off on a lot of tangents (I find it very difficult to focus my writing on one topic). I have lots of ideas, but organizing them can be very tough.

So in the middle of all of this -- difficulties with friends, difficulties with relationships, problems in classes, dislike of conferences -- I've found graduate school very difficult to adjust to. I went to a small liberal arts college and I loved it: all the kids were quirky, the professors were always available and very receptive, the campus was beautiful. (Of course you pay enough to have that sort of an experience -- it really is an extended summer camp for rich kids, or those who were lucky enough to get lots of financial support.) And I've found the transition to grad-school very difficult: large classes, undergraduates who have other things on their mind, snobby professors, professionalism.

Anyway, a lot of this is probably common to most graduate students -- but I was wondering if anybody else had any experiences to share -- or any advice about what helped (helps) you work through your programs. (I sometimes think I barely have aspergers myself -- I mainly was diagnosed because I had a large discrepancy between the visual and oral component of my intelligence test and because I described myself as always having had trouble fitting in, doing things that piss people off and alienate me from them without necessarily understanding why or -- worse -- because I enjoy annoying people -- playing alone in the playground during elementary school and waving my hands, and so on.)

Hope to hear from people

I think out loud. I've done it on 4 different occasions maybe even less.

What is thinking out loud anyway?

I don't really know. But i know that what I say probably aren't the nicest things to say in class. But maybe they are idk, could be really stupid too though.

Like what?

After many years in grad. school, I just wanted to write my doctoral thesis and leave. What I ended up having to do was cut myself off from everything and everyone else, and work on my thesis every day. I would pretty much only leave my apartment when I had to go to the library, or to run errands (like buy groceries or do laundry). I stopped taking classes, going to conferences/ presentations, etc. It was this intense, almost uninterrupted focus that allowed me to finally get it done. (What I did not know then, but discovered later, was that I have problems with cognitive processing skills known as executive functions.)

I suspect that what happens with people with Autism Spectrum Disorders / Pervasive Developmental Disorders, is we sometimes make quick connections between ideas in our heads. When we then make comments or ask questions, others do not see those connections, so what we say seems random, disjointed, or off-topic to them. Also, people with ASDs/PDDs tend to have problems reading social cues, and so they may do things like interrupt, talk over people, or talk out of turn. Eventually I became a big believer in just shutting the f*** up (STFU). Unfortunately, this is not an effective strategy if you are expected to intelligently discuss things as part of a class.


In my experience, academics tend to be arrogant jerks. They are bright people, but they have really big egos (that are often larger than their true intellect). Also, in academia, as in the rest of life, your success is related to your ability to engage in Machiavellian behaviours and play office politics. So yes, arguing with your professors can create problems for you.

For someone who has problems "relating", I can "relate" with everything everyone wrote here. I can talk in class and lounge, but have problems moving talk outside of those realms. I am also really behind on "cultivating relationships" with professors. One is very kind though and gave me compliments on a research topic. She seemed sincerely, earnestly interested and I guess since I am bad at picking up cues, that interest has to be expressed in obvious ways. Even though she (at first) was not in the same subfield of research, I think I may ask her for more input and maybe seek her out to be on my committee.

So, if relating is important, it might be better for me (for us) to work with the people we find it easiest to work with and not necessarily with the people in the same exact research area.

Thoughts? Interest and support VS research material similarity?