waiting for grad school acceptance

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It's driving me mad. I've done everything I can do, completed my application way ahead of time, got my letters of recommendation in, wrote my essay, everything!
Heck, I even made a whole plan B for what happens from here if I don't get in... and yet here I am, having moved back into my parents' house until I find out what will become of the next year of my life. Has anyone else been there before?

I've tried so hard to get where I am. I really stink at standardized tests, and had the option of getting extended time on the GRE, but decided not to. The third time I took the regular GRE my scores were alright. I just missed one on the math section, but my verbal score was pretty lackluster. I hope that was the right choice.

My older sister (to whom I am rather close) makes me feel really dumb when I try to talk to her about things like this. Sometimes I get the impression that everything I work to accomplish is quaint and cute to her, even now as I may begin my long quest for a PhD in a few months. I know that I want to do this for my own reasons, but is it wrong that part of me wants to do it so that she will treat me like an intelligent person?

Ahh man I can relate to this. Right now Im graduated from college. I applied to a federal internship program, and Im planning on applying to some post-bac research training programs. And its like, whaaattt is gonna happen with my life next year. I have decent credentials but not so good grades. Ok Im not applying to grad school quite yet but Im applying to a bunch of stuff and its really important that I get something for my future with a career or grad school. Its the intermediary step. You submitted your stuff early, I wasn't gonna submit my stuff until Jan/Feb of next year. Well best of luck

Its good that you have a plan B.

In my experience, there was more than just applying. My undergrad advisor happened to be one of the top students in her major at her undergrad institution and EVERYONE knew who she was--whereas the typical undergrad is usually pretty forgettable. The way I got in grad school was I first met two of her principle undergrad teachers. So my grad school already knew who I was before they got my paperwork in. Because of her influence, getting in grad school was a piece of cake.

It then became my job to work my @$$ off, since name-dropping will only get you so far in life.

Don't do this to try to impress your older sister. And don't get your feelings hurt if you get in, complete your degree, even graduate summa cum laud, and she still makes fun of you (or whatever it is she does that frustrates you). When I came home after finishing my master's, people were like "good for you," but they didn't treat me with any more respect than they did before I left home. In my experience, the best work I've ever done was while working alone, and as soon as I had to involve other people in what I do things quickly got screwed up.

That doesn't mean it WILL be like that for you...a lot of what I go through has to do with me being my own worst enemy. I'm just saying don't think a college degree is going to be the magic pill for dealing with your sister. You have your own reasons for pursuing advanced study. Let that be enough.

And good luck!! ! I hope things work out for you. Let us know when you find out! =D

Thanks for the advise guys. There's still no word yet, but because they work on rolling deadlines, they're supposed to tell me no later than the end of January. Luckily I know the person at this institution who would be my advising professor. She has (much to my bewilderment) been asking me for the past two years to be her graduate student. I wanted to try working first, but now for intellectual and financial reasons both I think I am ready to go back to school and do some more research! ...Have been missing it so MUCH!

I know I made that sister thing sound bad. She is a lovely person, she really is, and I'm pretty sure she cares about me more than pretty much anyone, but she has always been really competitive with me and our other siblings, and I'm not sure if she mistakes my apathy towards competition in general as a sign of weakness. If we're singing a song together, she has to assert that she is the best musician and sing the lead line LOUDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. She likes to act and be in center-stage with all eyes fixed on her while I'd rather work the lights. (She is so NT it's ridiculous! lol) But the thing that hurt my feelings is when I discovered indirectly she tells people that I struggle with learning and how it's a miracle that I've come this far, and "isn't my little special sister neat?" It's true that when I was a kid I had a lot of trouble with school, and it took me a long time to figure out my own learning style (that sadly often went against my teachers' preferences), but by high school and college I was using the skills I gained through those experiences to soar above my classmates in grades. I think maybe my sister still sees me as that straight-C ten-year old that would rather be alone drawing a picture of a frog in the backyard than putting my nose into a Baby Sitter's Club book like all of the other kids my age.

I just wish I could explain to her how I want to be treated, as her equal, no more, no less, but sadly I don't think that's how it works. I either earn her respect or I don't. I can't take it from her forcibly. Sometimes it just makes me a little sad that she won't wake up and see the grown-up me that I've worked so hard to become. Perhaps she just needs more time.

I'm also waiting for my grad school (master degree) acceptation!! ! Argh!
I applied for this winter. The professor I work with (my future supervisor) told me that they will probably wait to see how well I do in my exam of tomorrow.. I'd better not flunk it!


Your sister just seem to have "power trips". Generally when people act like they are superior to others is often because they are insecure about themselves. She's probably jealous about you and wonder how you could get there when she did not, even thought she wants to consider herself more intelligent. She won't treat you any better after you get a Phd, trust me. Just focus on you being proud of yourself and ignore her comments.

You know, in life, pure intellectual abilities are not that important. What's really important is putting yourself goals and doing everything you can to achieve them. Most people don't do that.
Rich and successful people are so often judged by those below because of jealousy. They'll find some way to make it look like they're worth better. They'll say things like "at least I have a life", "they just have been lucky", ect.

Good luck with funding once you are in.

Thinking about dropping out because I can't afford to go into debt, and because if I don't get offered funding, it must mean because I am the least worthy or desired to receive it, so if I am on the bottom, what's the point? Time to change fields to something more secure and sure.

I made it to the interview! Yay!! !

My dream is to get my doctorate, but the biggest struggle is to get accepted. I refuse to change my research interests, my personality, etc. just to "conform" to some grad school's expectations. I am very jaded about the whole modern grad school experience, because I've found over the last couple of years that it seems to be more now about who can make the school look good and make money. I am the quintessential graduate student, in terms of my Aspie passion, drive, and determination, and it really hurts me deeply that I seem to be held back from my dreams of academia for superficial reasons.

ODN, what's your field of study?


Man, it sure is hard living with my parents again in the meantime. I love my mom, but she keeps messing with my stuff when I'm at work and it drives me up the walls a little bit. I am a super neat minimalist type person and my mom is forgetful and messy... and yet we are sharing a bathroom. Over the past month, she has filled the shower with a grand total of 8 different bottles of shampoo. When I made a passing remark about it last week, she said "Oh, I thought those were yours," to which I replied, "No, actually, the only one I bought is the green one." After coming to the realization that she had caused the bathroom clutter my mom said she'd get rid of all the surplus shampoo. So today I got home from work and hopped into the shower just before discovering that mother took my green bottle of shampoo and left nothing but 3 bottles of cheap half-used conditioner that DIDN'T belong to me int he first place. AAAAAA! Add that to last week, when I detected that she had been going through my 'personal items' drawr in my room and I am about at my wits' end.

On the flip side, it is really nice having someone to eat dinner with every night. I'm really enjoying cooking meals together with my folks.

Fern,
I'm a neuroscientist. It's a field where a Ph.D is really the only way to get the desirable jobs. Master's degrees in neuro are pretty much unheard of and useless. What are you studying? I'm currently reading an fMRI data/stats book on my own so I can hopefully transfer to an fMRI job after six more months of working at my current job. Most of the good fMRI jobs would like you to know the data analysis, and you can't learn that anywhere unless you learn it at a job or in grad school. So, I'm just self-teaching to get ahead in the game. The hardest thing for me right now is not getting to use my full knowledge/potential. Science is my passion, and I really miss getting to talk about it now that I've graduated college.

You need networking! What really helped me is that I sent an email to prof asking him for doing research one year ago. I also did a lot of small-classes advanced courses. This really helps me because my research supervisor gave me a super good reference letter and he helps me a lot in my application process. He even told me that I had a lot of support from many profs of the department that I'm aplying too. Why did this happen? Because some profs got to know me a bit or remembered my face and thought that I had potential.

So if your gpa isn't stellar like me, you need to build a network of contacts. In my case, it was much easier than I thought it would. I'm so anti-social and yet the department knows me well and my research prof know personally some other potential supervisors from other university so he can encourage them to take me.

This.

Quite often you'll see either average people or total losers (gradewise) getting better jobs than honors grads. What they lack in testing skills and "book smarts" they more than make up for in personal initiative. Stay close to the major players in any game and you'll do well.

I feel sometimes like I got my master's degree in a hobby since it never really opened the kind of doors I'd hoped for. On the other hand, if I'd gotten my DMA and found a university to work in, I worry that I might not really have learned that much and that just going to a university for work would only have been the safe choice. It might be more difficult to go back to school NOW, but I've also learned some good "real-world" lessons I'd never have gotten in school. If I ever change my mind, references would be no problem. My comp/theory profs love me.

I had a very high GPA, I was close and well-liked by many professors, and I had my senior research thesis awarded one of the departmental honor slots. This is why my lack of acceptance angers me. I don't understand networking and "schmoozing." I feel like you have to mold your personality to fit what's "acceptable" and neurotypical for these grad schools, and that angers me and is something I refuse to do. I always want to remain true to myself, and it does suck that average know-nothings are accepted with ease because of their social skills. It just seems to come down to a popularity contest and not awarding those with the passion and determination their dream of advanced studies.

Good luck with it, Fern.

This is very disturbing, although not completely surprising (I've seen similar things happen at my institution). Did they provide any explanations for refusing you?

I've decided not to apply to do postgraduate studies for the time being (and possibly not ever). There's nothing quite like being told by leading academics that your work is ‘highly creative’, 'intelligent' and ‘first class’ but ultimately irrelevant because you don’t ‘do’ exactly what everyone else does in that field. The amusing thing is that the style and themes of my work would be seen as mainstream in other more prominent and progressive fields of academic study.

Well, they aren't REALLY know-nothings, else they wouldn't last long in the program anyway. I just mean people who for all the effort in the world never achieve top grades.

I think academic/intellectual integrity is more important than having to "mold your personality" any certain way. However, one thing I can say about grad school is that it is never a good idea to try for grad school if you already think you know everything. The main reason I got in where I did was precisely BECAUSE I was so much different than the typical student. My prof felt that the students had as much to learn just from me being there interacting with them as I did doing academic work.

Another thing to think about: From what little experience I had a graduate student, a lot of departments aren't looking to churn out the same students that come in. They want you to be a changed person when you leave. You shouldn't go to grad school if you are happy with yourself the way you are. If you are content with where you are academically, then grad school won't help you one bit even if you DO get accepted. I don't get the idea that grad profs really want that kind of student. If you see a need within yourself, a new direction you want to take academically and in life, a strong dissatisfaction with your present status quo, THEN you can find a grad school that more closely represents what you think might be your best change of direction.

The way it was for me, I'd become interested in unusual music in my last semesters of undergrad theory and literature courses. I was EXTREMELY unhappy about a lot of choices I made and was about ready to just transfer to a different university or even change my major just so I could graduate on time. I was sick and tired of the same old boring music and the same old boring attitudes of my classmates. I got out of the Mississippi Delta and spent two years in the New York "North Country" where even the students were a lot more encouraging and open to trying anything new. I don't think I really left a changed person from that experience, though I did a lot of growing up that way. What I DID do, though, was a lot of actualization--really being who I always wanted to be but couldn't for one reason or another where I lived. And what I learned was I still had a lot of maturity issues and still needed time to grow and try to make it on my own. I'm not ready for any major changes yet. But I know that when I'm ready, it will be worth the wait.

"Schmoozing" for me isn't easy or fun. One thing that has helped me at least be aware of what's going on "out there" is being on a mailing list that, among other things, advertises college department vacancies, calls-for-papers, contests, and other festivals/events. I even got to present one of my own works at my alma mater. I'm still on good terms with people over there, and I've given thought to doing a lecture/recital of my handbell works in the next year or two. Those kinds of things go a long way to helping you build your CV and increase your chances of getting accepted in grad school.

The other thing, along with "schmoozing," is finding a school that most closely matches your ideology. I'm a Christian, for instance, and I don't hide that I am. Even though I'm also strongly conservative, which my grad school contacts knew about, I still got accepted because I'm not a closed-minded jerk--moreover, that contributed to the intellectual diversity of the school by having me there. But I also made clear that my primary goal was to study new and unusual music and that my purpose was not to pursue church music. If I'd stated that church music was my focus (it really wasn't), I'd have been rejected on the basis that a seminary would be a more appropriate place for me to study. What you want is to find a place that is a good match for you ideologically while still presenting good challenges for you. No matter how good your undergrad grades are, some of these places you're applying for may really not be good places for YOU. Save up a little money and make road trips to places that seem to best match your interests and ask if you can sit in on some of their classes. They shouldn't have a problem with that--I once sat in on a 20th Century theory class and the prof (who happened to be a semi-famous theoretician) actually asked me a question I knew the answer to. I was impressed that I was actually included as part of the class. Get to know people and ask questions. If you are persistent in doing all the background work, AND if you approach grad school with the right reasons, you WILL get accepted.

In a way, it's kinda like dating. You'd like to think you could just be with anyone you want to be with. A lot of things "look good" but lack in real substance. Some things are easy to get but not worth the time you put into it. Some really are good but just not into YOU. And a few are the ones that really work but just aren't what you expect. Once you find that rare symbiosis, you've got a relationship worth going all the way with. I hope you find it.

Sorry! It's sad that you've had such experience. I'm not networking much honestly. The thing is really that my research advisor is really an extremely kind person who really cares a lot about his students. He is very helpful and talks to me a lot about the acceptance process. I was quite lucky to have met him.

I'm quite weird myself. My prof told me that I was actually one of the "most varying in mood and performance" prospective graduate student that he ever met. But he stills likes me and he is always was very helpful. He told me that the algorithm I implemented in my project was actually something that most graduate student would struggle or probably would not even be able to do by themselves and yet I'm only a bachelor student. So he sees my potential and he sees how motivated I am. He wrote me a 2-pages reference letter because he really wants to emphasize my potential considering that my gpa isn't stellar. I'm not fitting the mold but yet I'm liked by my professors.

You need to be lucky enough to have an advisor that is kind and encouraging and you also need to show your passion and your interest into the graduate program. There a luck part, I guess. Maybe you would have been accepted if you did the same thing at another university when the profs where more encouraging of their own inter-departmental students. Normally they are but sometimes they don't care.