Roommate Introduction, a good idea?

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So my final year of high school is quickly ending, and I'm starting to feel the anxiety of attending college after the end of summer. Since I don't have a formal diagnosis yet,* I doubt I can ask for my own dorm room without a room-mate. So I've come to terms with living with somebody in a dorm for an extended period of time, although hopefully as brief as possible. To prepare, I decided to write an introductory letter describing my personality-type, my almost certain autism/asperger's syndrome and some of the things that would allow us to cooperate best as room-mates, as well as the things that would prove detrimental on my end. I also made it clear that I will at the very least try to compromise with anything he needs, and at the most fully accommodate for any necessity. My letter also emphasizes that I hope to fully maximize my potential, and if my equilibrium is met, it would be very easy to maximize this potential. I also plan to construct a schedule of my daily routines so that the times I should be in the room, which will be brief(I expect to spend my days in libraries) are clear. I'm unsure whether this will be the appropriate method of expression. Will my room-mate feel that I'm imposing upon him because I've come prepared and make some points clear with relatively blunt language? If so, what can I do to make my "needs" clear, yet not sound demanding? I tried to make the tone of the introduction the least self-involved I could while still relating to personal accommodations, but still I'm unsure whether somebody could take it the wrong way and view the letter as "rules" I am applying to them. This is definitely not something I want to do, but I must at least make my situation clear. Basically I'm asking if this is the right approach? If not, what is another option? Also note, the letter is very formal and I don't wish to try to make it colloquial because I don't understand how to express myself in the language of my age group, will that affect my roommate's perception of me negatively?

Thank you, beforehand!



*I was diagnosed with OCD and Social Anxiety by a psychiatrist who doesn't seem to "believe" in Asperger's/HFA* The therapist I visit weekly though, who works at the same center, said that she had trouble with him not diagnosing a child she works with until after months of persuasion that it was the appropriate diagnosis. So, until I can find a specialist all I have is my own and a bunch other people's opinions.

He might not know what aspergers is/have a misconception of it. I think you should just mention you have OCD and say that is why you need things a certain way. People are usually understanding of that. And your roommate is not going to try to create problems because you guys would not want to be enemies since you probably are going to live with each other for at least a semester.

No.

Your potential roommate will think you're.... very strange (putting it mildly).

Don't list our your schedule. That's weird. You'll do that once you're in person, in a casual manner.

Don't tell him you're Aspie, OCD, etc.

Just keep it short and simple.

Don't say stuff like "or I won't reach my full potential." You're 18. 18 year olds don't talk like that. Keep your intro to him very very casual, polite, and "nice to meet you."

You'll talk over roommate rules-- who cleans, about people staying over, etc. once you actually meet.

If you use formal language in the letter, plus all the above, he will RUN. FAST. Honestly, so would I. You shouldn't be "I need this, I need that... I have to reach my equilibrium." You'll sound arrogant, needy, offensive, spoiled... and perhaps worse. Not trying to be mean, just helpful. It's a dorm room, not marriage. Just tone it down. College is hard, but you'll be fine. Even if you don't mesh well with one roommate, you can request a dorm room change once you get there.

Don't write a letter, man, let alone a formal one. Ooo is right; you'll give your new roommate a bad impression of yourself, and if he won't have the respect to keep quiet about (people in college generally do, except when it comes to sex), word will get around fast. If you absolutely must write a letter, make it friendly and casual. I'll put together a sample, so you'll get the gist of it. Replace the italics with real names, and change other parts around to suit your needs, if you end up using the letter.

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Hi Roommate,

I was assigned to room with you in Dormitory Residence Hall, room 000, so just thought I'd introduce myself. Definitely looking forward to starting college. My name is Stefan10, I'm 18, and I'll be studying my declared major.

You'll be pleased to hear and I don't snore, and I don't smoke in the room. I prefer to attend parties, not host them, so I won't be bringing a lot of people over very often. However, I have this thing where I need to have stuff in the room just so, otherwise I can get upset at times. I'll limit it to my side of the room as much as I can, but I'm sure there'll be some shared space, so just saying. Do you snore or host parties a lot?

I think it'd be a good idea to plan out some things before rooming. Wouldn't want to end up with 2 TVs and no room to put them. Call me up at 999-555-1234.

Stefan10.
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And planning things is advance really would be a good idea. Otherwise you'll end up with two mini fridges and no TV; or vice versa. Then, when/if he calls you, you can give some "fair warnings" about your quirks. But even then, limit it to a sentence or two MAXIMUM, and focus your conversation on who will bring what, or what you two will pitch in for once you move in. Do NOT reference any conditions by name (AS, OCD, etc.), since people oftentimes have preconceived notions. And it's not in your power to educate them, either; let the university and their life experience do that.

Quite likely, you might not even end up being close friends with your roommate. He will do his own thing, and you will do yours. You'll only see each other when coming in to sleep at night and have an occasional lunch together. Or maybe you'll get along right away and become really good friends. But in either case, it's extremely important not to get on each other's nerves and keep an open, civil roommate relationship, where you two can compromise on issues.

Aspie1 is right on.

One thing I have a hard time with with my roommates is speaking up for myself. For example, I can't think when there's trash all over, so i started cleaning up whatever trash was around. the problem is that she contributes the majority of the trash and now it seems that she expects me to do it. Maybe it's not even a conscious thing for her, but social anxiety problems are blocking me from bringing it up. But I can't live with trash all over! i can't concentrate! Things like that have really been draining me for a while.

No pressure intended, but hopefully you'll be able to watch out for unknowingly letting your roommate walk all over you. Think about how that could happen and try to prevent it BEFORE you start cleaning up their trash like I did. I think having a roommate takes a lot of mental effort. I hate it but I'm barely making a living so I don't have much choice.