Asperger's and not looking forward to college.

Post Reply New Topic

This is my first post here, I wanted to get some opinions/experiences on college. I am a high school senior and will be going to college next year. My top two choices at the moment are Oberlin and American, but I won't hear back from either school until April. I've been dreading going to college for all of high school. I've never been officially diagnosed with Asperger's, which means I'm on my own next year if something goes wrong because I can't register with disability services. My mom doesn't think I have Asperger's(she thinks I'm just a hypochondriac) so I've never had any type of intervention. I have almost every characteristic of Asperger's which significantly distances me from my peers.

I haven't checked to see if freshman are allowed to live off-campus at either school because my mom is requiring me to live on campus for my first year, because she says I need the college experience. She said that she was quieter too, so I should be fine. However, there is a big, big difference between being quiet and being socially awkward. Both schools have substance free dorms which is what I would apply too. There are two big differences(to me) about the schools. One, Oberlin is half an hour away from me, and American is 8 hours away. So at American, if something goes wrong, I'm pretty much SOL. The other difference is that Oberlin has single dorms available. The idea of living with another person is hell to me. I have a single mother and I am an only child, so I am used to having constant privacy and control over my environment. At American, I can't get a single. Also, at American, I could be forced into a triple, and I don't know that I could cope with that. I really can't socialize with more than 1 person, when I'm with 2 people I'm always the one getting left out and forgotten about.

To me, living in a dorm is like a giant sleepover, something I loathe and have always tried to avoid. I've always opted out of situations that involve teenagers sleeping near each other without parental supervision. I've always been known as the one who is fun to prank and scare. I worry that I'll become known as the girl on the floor who is always crying for mommy or the party pooper. The part of my Asperger's that affects me the most is definitely my rigidity. I'm pretty okay with a change in routine, but I have a need to control everything about my home life/socialization. Basically, the advice I get from everyone is to grow up and deal with it, because all freshman have to move out and such. I'm not worried about academics, because I excel in school and look forward to taking interesting classes and having intellectual discussions.

I had somewhat of an experience of what dorm life could be this summer when I was an exchange student in Germany. Obviously, a lot of people drank, and my anxiety was through the roof. I was lonely and cried myself to sleep every night. The last week I was there, I was on a tour group with other American students and we stayed in various hotels. I had three roommates who were fantastic, and we're still in touch. However, the experience of living with other people and not having space to myself was extremely stressful and I was relieved to go home after that week. My roommates were quiet, but the other people on my hall weren't, and I couldn't tolerate hearing laughing and talking when I was trying to sleep. I became the girl who always complained about other people and it was awful.

I know a lot of people who have loved dorm life, but I do not know anyone with my personality who enjoyed it. I don't think I could be dreading next year anymore. All of my peers are excited to leave, but I'm going to be "that girl" on move-in day who is sobbing and clinging to mom. Everyone has said to me that move-in day isn't that bad and you start to hang out with people on your floor. That stresses me out so much. I feel like I'll never find my dorm to be home, that I'll always have this feeling of wanting to go back home. It's going to be really hard to accept that being away from home will be my life. Does anyone have any advice to offer or any positive experiences?

I never lived in the dorms myself, but if you end up being forced to have roommates, here's my advice:

You need to secure some solitary hangout spots in and around campus. A hidden nook of the library, a café off-campus that's open late, etc.. Make it so you don't need to come back until your roomie(s) are asleep. Just do all of your schoolwork outside of your dorm after classes. You might be able to pick up their schedules, so you know when they'll be out of the room. If she/they really are party people, they'll also be out every friday/saturday night to give you your solitude.

However, your roommate(s) might be just like you, so there wouldn't be a huge issue. I would at least try to determine that first.

I can definitely empathize with the concern. I really lucked out in that my Freshman roommate was alarmingly similar to me and not rambunctious at all, but I currently live with three roommates, and two of them had meh experiences with their Freshman roommates.

Based on how they described it, they limited their interaction with the roommates by going to other places on campus (e.g. the library, subject-specific tutoring labs, empty classrooms) to get away and get work done. If you aren't able to secure a single and do unfortunately get an obnoxious roommate, I would suggest that advice. Isolation from the problem will limit its effect on you. By the time you get back to your dorm, a heavy partying roommate would probably be either at a party in an upper classman dorm or passed out on the floor.

Also, these are two really good schools that require high school academic success and high SAT scores in order to get in so I doubt you will have to deal with stupid obnoxious pranksters. Those kids from high school don't sound smart enough to get that far.

Is there any way you could decide to live somewhere other than the college dorms? In New Zealand it's never a requirement.

If you'd rather live elsewhere and it's your mother wanting you to live on campus, I think you could consider alternative places to live. Going to college is an adult decision, and you should be the one taking ownership of your college-related decisions, not your mother.

Check how much it would cost to live in the dorms as well-that may also sway your decision.

I think you might prefer to find a place with flatmates that's close to college. That way, you can meet the people you'll be living with before deciding to move in. You can also find out a bit more about them. You would also probably get more privacy this way-you could have your own bedroom. I would go crazy if I had to share a room as an adult. Also, you could choose a place with a smaller amount of flatmates. That might be easier than having to start living with completely new people.

If living in the dorms is a requirement, you could contact the disability support people at the colleges and explain the situation. See if there are any concessions or allowances they can make for students on the autism spectrum.

Good luck-I hope you can find a solution that works for you.

I'm sorry that your mother is too ignorant of your difficulties. I've had some pretty horrid experiences with the dorms myself. They were decent the first couple of years and then the next two years were hell. In my fifth and final year, I got my parents blessing to get an apartment to myself given the horrible experiences.

Your mother also needs to understand that the standard university life is not for everyone once they graduate high school. If you do get into Oberlin, since it is only 30mins away, you could try convincing your mother to let you commute from home (if you have a car that is) for the first semester or year to allow you to adjust to the environment and see where things go from there.

With the other university being 8 hrs away I would try and see if you could get an apartment. There's nothing more irritating than getting kicked out of the dorms for winter and spring breaks and having to worry about transportation from campus to home and back in those circumstances.

i always find it helps massivly if you know what to expect, its the fear of the unknown with new situations i find scares more. go and have a look around the universtiy, make sure you have all the information aobut it, and also i dont know in america, but in england you have en suite bedroooms, do you have those in america becasue that might be better for you.