Not going to school dances

Post Reply New Topic

A year from now, there's going to be a dance held at my school for all the kids who are leaving, and I refuse to go because 1. the dress code is super formal, and I hate female formal wear, and going in a suit would just get me labelled as a lesbian, which I'm not, and 2. I don't have a proper group of friends, let alone one friend I'd want to spend time with, and 3. I refuse to drink alcohol before the age of 20, since I'd rather follow Japanese standards than Australian ones. But the problem is, I'm worried about being forever labelled as a social outcast or freak for not going, even if I'm not going to see these people again.

Who here has been to school dances and what did you think of it? Who didn't go, and do you regret it or not?

I didn't go to mine and I don't regret it one bit. I despised high school. If it burned to the ground I wouldn't shed a tear. I was already an outcast in HS and remained that way afterwards so I wasn't missed at the stupid prom at all. They can go scratch. I don't give a toss.

I haven't been to all school dances, but I have been to some. I've been to middle school ones. When I do go, it's fun at first, but I am not part of a specific "group" of friends. I usually talk to some people that have there own certain group of friends, so I just drift around between people. I don't really regret going to them. I don't exactly know why I go to them. It is maybe because I don't really hate them, and I didn't have anything better to do during the specific ones that I've been to. I don't have any great memories at them. I'm just kind of there. My close friends do not go to them. There's not really anything specially entertaining about going to them to me. I don't really have any good reason for even going, but I do, so that's that.

I think they are worth a shot even if they are total disasters, the crash and burn learning experience.

"But the problem is, I'm worried about being forever labelled as a social outcast or freak for not going , even if I'm not going to see these people again."


The truth is these people just don't matter, they will not know if you were there or not, your right you probably wont see those people again so its the perfect chance to make all sorts of social mistakes or you might discover there was no problem at all, you will not be able to do this as easily later in life so take advantage of it now. Who cares what that back stabbing queen bee pulls. Also you just might make a great friend there too

In retrospect, going to school dances was a complete waste of time, money and effort.

At the time though, I still believed the lies that my older relatives would tell me - "You're so cute!" ... "Any girl would be proud / thrilled to be with you!" ... "Just smile, be yourself, and you'll have them eating out of your hand!" ... et effing cetera ...

I went to maybe 3 or 4 dances while in Junior and Senior High. Being brought up in a fundamentalist church, any and all forms of dances were considered to be products of Satan. As a matter of fact, I was always working whenever a dance was scheduled at school, as Mom and Dad definitely believed in the old Baptist Hymn Work for the Night is Coming. Mom, in particular, was of the opinion, work until you literally drop dead, then get back up and start working even harder. There was absolutely, positively no reason to call off work, even if you were on your deathbed. It was get to work, or be fired! If you ended up being fired, you were told to get your lazy FSCKING arse outta my house and NEVER return.

I had to attend several dance parties, including our graduation back in former USSR, but my social skills were terrible and my nerd friends didn't fare much better, so we mostly huddled in the corner, eyeing the exit across the room saturated with colored lighting, teenage hormones, and smell of cheap wine.

I went to parties in High school (as in off campus, someone's house et cetera), but I never went to school dances.

I went to one, I think it was some Fall thing, or maybe a Spring thing, I dunno. I can't remember. I was there for about ten minutes and then I walked out.

I was asked to Prom by my then girlfriend and I refused. She took some other guy. I was busy watching Jimmy Neutron.

I've never went to a school dance, and don't regret it at all
I didn't go because:
1) I don't like wearing tight dresses due to sensory issues
2) There's a lot of noise at those parties
3) They start in the evening and end in the night and I fear going out so late
4) The primary thing you're supposed to do at school dances is dancing, and I have no one to dance with. I have no boyfriend and guys don't like me, no one would ask me to dance with them. Also I don't like dancing in first place. So what should I go to school dances for?

I went to Middle School Dances, but I just stayed out in the lobby where it was quiet.



How about an Aspie Formal Dance!

Rules
1. No Loud Music
2. Casual Attire
3. No touching required
4. Dance Partner Optional
5. Showing Up Optional

I went to one, and it broke my heart. I should have just stayed at home. Despite having bullied by some people and ignored by others, and being a social outcast at school. I somehow convinced myself that the night of the dance would be special and different; that people would want to talk to me, and even dance with me. Surely tonight would be the night I finally felt included. So I spent lots of time shopping for the perfect dress and having my hair done professionally by a hairdresser.

Having made myself look nice, I felt really excited. I thought it would all be nice, like a fairy tale. Then when I got there NOBODY danced with me the whole evening. Not even the teachers, who were there to act as supervisors, asked me to dance (and I did see them dancing with some of the other students out of pity). One girl laughed at my hair, and told me I looked like a barmaid. A barmaid? Why? What? How? I had thought my hair looked nice, but then I suddenly felt very embarrassed and was choking back tears all night counting down the time until it was time to go home.

Lesson: if you are somebody who is bullied or excluded at school, you will also be bullied and excluded at your school dance.

You say you are worried about being forever labelled as a social outcast or freak for not going. But if you do go, and nobody dances with you or talks to you, you will likewise be labelled as a social outcast and freak, and you will feel very hurt and sad.

It's really not worth going. Once you leave school and grow up, you don't need to stay in touch with anybody you knew at High School, and the label you were given at school will not necessarily follow you around.

6. Guests get to choose the music
7. Girls allowed to wear suits without being judged

Asperger96, I hope I do not offend you by pointing out that your list sounds more like an ""Asperger96 formal dance" tailored to your own personal likes and dislikes than an Aspie Formal Dance that caters to everybody. I would hate to go to the kind of dance you suggest. Not all Aspies are like you. We are not clones, and we don't all want the same thing.

Here is my suggestion:

Rules
1. No Loud Music. That would be my idea of an awful dance. A better idea would be: Everyone wears headphones and listens to the music of their choice without subjecting others to it. Some Aspies do like loud music, you know! Rule 1b will state that those who wish to hear no background noise at all may wear noise-cancelling headphones.

2. Casual Attire. Hold on a minute...I thought you said this was a "Formal Dance?" I disagree with this rule. Instead, I suggest a rule of no dress code at all. Imposing a "formal" dress code is unfair on those people who don't want to dress up, but imposing a "casual" dress code would be unfair on those of us who might want to dress up. It works both ways.

3. No touching required. I agree that no touching should be required but touching should still be allowed! Some Aspies love to be touched, you know! Putting a ban on touch would be unfair on those of us who happen to like slow dancing.

4. Dance Partner Optional. Optional, but hopefully not forbidden!

5. Showing Up Optional. Definitely.

Quick, let's arrange a WP dance! The only problem will be that everybody will fail to show up and then plead rule 5.

So LogicalMolly, may I have this dance?

Hooray!

*jumps up and down and flaps*

Actually, I formed that list from complaints on this forum and not my own preferences.

I like slow dancing too, and I LOVE to dress formally.