Is this Teacher assistant being mean to me?

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Lindsey1151
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27 Sep 2014, 9:48 pm

At school in my class there is a TA and she does not let me stim only during the 15 and 5 minute break. When I stim she stares at me to tell me to stop! She gave me a stress ball to use when I feel like I need to stim but almost everytime that I use it she tells me you dont need it right now! Like she doesnt even want me using it at all! Also she doesnt let me stim in the hallways and told me not to stim in the bathroom She basically wants me to be a frozen vegetable! She only lets me say hi to other teachers in the morning and doesnt let me say hi again at lunch! Thats so weird never have people told me that before! And also on Friday she got mad at me during breaktime for asking to go to the water fountain after going to the bathroom first then going back into the classroom to eat my uncrustable and then asking to go to the water fountain! The water fountain is right across the hallway from my classroom! She should just let me go anyway! Then at the water fountain I stood there for a couple of seconds thinking because I had alot on my mind! And then she opens the classroom door really stern and yelled at me for just standing at the water fountain not drinking Im like cmon I was just standing there for a second and told me that I wasnt being honest!



cathylynn
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27 Sep 2014, 10:32 pm

doesn't sound mean, but is over-controlling, micromanaging. probably their personality. can you get a different TA?



Lindsey1151
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27 Sep 2014, 10:35 pm

cathylynn wrote:
doesn't sound mean, but is over-controlling, micromanaging. probably their personality. can you get a different TA?

No unfortunately I cant! :(



Kiprobalhato
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28 Sep 2014, 1:04 am

that is not just meanness, that sounds like up abuse, whether she knows it or not.
have you told your teacher or another admin about it? does she pick on many others equally or only you?

this does sound very like micromanaging, manipulative behavior as well. while you may not be able to get rid of her you can possibly ask to be sent to work in a different room, perhaps the library or move into another spot within the class if this persists/gets worse.


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Tahitiii
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28 Sep 2014, 3:15 am

It's a power game. The issue is never the issue with that kind of person. It's not about the stimming or the water fountain or any other superficial issue, but about kissing her butt. She can only be happy when she's humiliating you. As an adult, I can usually walk away from people like that. When I?m truly stuck with such a person, it never ends well. The more you submit to her ridiculous demands, the more humiliating they will become. The next phase will probably include crazy accusations that she will make up out of thin air, and self-contradictory demands that you can't possibly follow.

Definitely talk to your parents and/or someone in authority, as soon as you can. Continue to be as polite as possible so that you can honestly say that you are blameless. Do not lie under any circumstances. Any snarky comment or eye rolling will be used against you. But don't expect her to stop just because you ask her to by yourself. If it's possible to change her, it can only come from someone she respects, and that is certainly not you.

Part of her problem could be miss-reading something in your body language. That's probably more common with Aspies, but it happens with everybody. It could be that she thinks it's so obvious that you already know and are doing it deliberately, and it hasn't occurred to her to say it in words. Or she could be unconsciously reacting because your mannerisms remind her of some aunt that she hated, or something neither of you can guess. Chances are, you'll never know what her problem is.

In particular, the stimming is mildly annoying to her because she is shockingly ignorant. If you need it, you need it, and it should be nothing to her. But, again, that bit of education can only come from someone she
respects. http://juststimming.wordpress.com/2011/ ... iet-hands/



Lindsey1151
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28 Sep 2014, 12:06 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
that is not just meanness, that sounds like up abuse, whether she knows it or not.
have you told your teacher or another admin about it? does she pick on many others equally or only you?

this does sound very like micromanaging, manipulative behavior as well. while you may not be able to get rid of her you can possibly ask to be sent to work in a different room, perhaps the library or move into another spot within the class if this persists/gets worse.

Well I dont think it's possible to get away from her. She takes me to my intro to theater class and reading 180 class when I stim she stares at me to tell me to stop and if I tell my teacher she doesn't do anything!
'



Lindsey1151
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28 Sep 2014, 8:45 pm

Also I am not a teacher I am a student and the teacher assistant is like an aide.



Mrrandomman
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29 Sep 2014, 6:04 pm

i wonder why she acts this way to you?



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30 Sep 2014, 2:22 pm

Mrrandomman wrote:
i wonder why she acts this way to you?


To me, it sounds like she suffers from OCPD (exhibiting rigid adherence to procedures and what they view as socially appropriate, inflexible of thought, though shy of the obsessive repetitions of OCD).



Lindsey1151
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01 Oct 2014, 3:18 pm

Mrrandomman wrote:
i wonder why she acts this way to you?

Because the special program Im in at school thinks we're bad but we're not bad we're just autistic!



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21 Oct 2014, 1:18 am

I hate to say it but the TA should get a talking to. I would go to your counselor and explain what is going on. You are protected under the ADA.

If she continues her behavior file a formal grievance with your dean of student services or Principal.Make it formal and you can have a counselor come with you.

Don't let this one slide. If she stares at you then you can ask her Why are you staring at me? Its hard for me to control my stimming but I am working on it. Smile and let her think about what she just said.



RubyWings91
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15 Nov 2014, 10:44 pm

Here is what I would do in your situation. Find a time when you can talk to your TA in private and discuss the issue with her in a polite manner. It is critical that you do this because even if it fails, it will play a critical role in strengthening your next move. Try to explain how you feel about the situation, that you need to stim in some form, even if it is just squeezing a stress ball and that suppressing it only increases your problems. If she tells you why she acts the way she does, listen and think about it. If she is willing to cooperate, try to come to some sort of agreement about how to approach the situation. Be aware that in some cases, such as the fountain/bathroom situation, you may have to compromise with her. If you decide to do this by email, do not delete the conversation.

If talking to the TA fails and from what you say, I expect it to, you can go to the teacher who is in charge of the TA and talk to them. Because you went to the TA first and tried to talk to them, it will be harder for the teacher to ignore the complaint. If your conversation with the TA took place by email, you can send it to the professor along with your direct complaints to show the full issue.