College, partying, and aspergers?

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Hi all, im a new member but have been reading the forums for some time now. anyhow, I am fairly certain i have Aspergers after several hours of reading. so starting collage has been difficult for me, luckily two (of 3 total) of my existing friends moved and started school with me which as you would assume was very helpful. I have never had a girlfriend although i am confident in my appearance and believe i do look fairly attractive. I drink allot, I wouldn't call my self an alcoholic but once i start, i wont stop until i am falling down drunk. My problem is now that i have met a new friend (my other friend met him and me and another buddy tagged along long enough to where i suppose i could call him a friend) I'm frequently being invited to hang out at partys, bars, and other social events. a few days ago we went to this cheesy poser country western type bar and being that im not of age this was very difficult for me. we met him and his whole group and to be honest i just did not know what to do. luckily I had thought ahead and had plenty of cheap beer in my truck so i pretty much just went out to the parking lot, got drunk, and came back. after that i kind of just sat around and tried to slip into the conversation with generic comments just so my presence was barely noticed. I hate smoking but bi sucked back 5 or more menthol's (gross) just so i looked like i was doing something, i felt somewhat overwhelmed by all these new people i just met and like always i have nothing to contribute to a conversation. one girl commented that i looked angry, i felt as though i was trying very hard to appear as though i wanted to be there, I guess its not convincing. i told her that its just how i am and everyone tells me that (they do) and she gave me some look and i didn't know what to say. i think i got up and walked to the bathroom just to avoid further interaction. when we left the bar this same girl says something along the lines of it was good to meet you guys, hope i see you at the party on Saturday, then she looked at me and said maybe not you though. WTF does that mean? now its Saturday and my 2 friends are waiting for me to meet them there and i have to say im extremely nervous. i can count on one hand how many party's i have been to. i have been trying lately to force myself to do these sorts of things and i am not so overwhelmed by loud music, tons of hot girls, big crowds and lots of beer anymore. i know this is a long and pointless post but I just want any advise or tips someone who's been in my position may be able to offer.

Oh well, about to grab a jug of water, a pack of tums, and my best jar of home made wine and off i go to another awkward social gathering which will inevitably end in me drinking far too much and (hopefully) not remember what i have done in the morning.

wish me luck.

...

well, I'm disappointed to say that I'm back already. i hung out for a few hours, drank 8 beers and a few jello shots and i just wasn't comfortable, but i didnt want to drink too much so i could drive home if need be. I'm new to this town and i just didn't know anyone there, i counted 48 people before i left, which was less then i expected actually. There was no beer pong, so i really had nothing to keep me busy. i met my 2 other friends and for a while they didn't really talk much to anyone else, we just hung out together and drank some brews. eventually we ended up talking with another group of people (about 8 girls and 3 guys), i got another comment that i looked angry. after that i got a bit discouraged and figured I'd better bail before it got too late and i ran a bigger risk of hitting a DUI checkpoint. This is actually the first time i left a party before it was over, the last few I've been to i stayed until someone drove me home or i just slept across the bench seat in my truck. I had a hard time timing when to leave because the host was hanging around a bunch of people that were grouped together withing 50 feet of my truck, i didn't want to be too obvious. weird party, no beer pong and it was all outside...

all in all, i call it a successful failure. at least i can say i was there, would have looked bad if i just didn't show up after being invited.

Just relax your face and it shouldn't look angry.

It could also be that you're concentrating too hard. When I think, my eye brows go down in a mean kind of way lol.

Honestly drinking isn't the way to go. It has taken me some time to realize that. Plain and simple it's just ret*d.

Are you trying to live up to the image of "college" that other people have painted which includes wild parties and drinking?

I was the same way when I started, I thought that was the way to go.

It really felt like I had a lot of social "hits" when I was intoxicated and I was socializing more. Just felt like after I reached that certain buzz I stepped out of my comfort zone like it was nothing. I was feeling good, and suddenly I was one of "them". It really felt that way.....but maybe it really wasn't? You have to realize how much your perception is off when you are tipsy, especially if your perception is off when you are sober which i think is the case since I might be AS.

Drinking that right amount is good because you just dont care. You feel good like something has lifted off your shoulder. I like that feeling and its good if you dont carry it too far. The problem is once it wears off you feeling like s**t again.

Lately though whenever I drink with other people I start going down a road which isn't quite me and its quite disturbing and unreal. Its just not me when Im intoxicated it is really disturbing. I have done a few shady/creepy things that just haven't been me and I really regret even drinking in the first place. Those nights everything had to fall exactly into place by everyone like a setup but it was me who followed through. That really made me realize how drinking isnt me.

I hope you don't have to feel what I have felt. I don't wish that on anyone I feel like its a big part of the reason why im on my computer inside instead of out there. I just feel really f*****g weird and creeped out by myself.

I think I get where you are coming from and it seems pretty harmless since most students don't know each other.

I really wish I had just gotten myself embroiled in a subject or a group or something and actually gotten something useful out of college instead of a bunch of bad memories and then dropping out.

This "myth" of college about drinking and parties isn't really true. For some people it might be, but those people were most likely already were extroverts in HS. If your drinking to be that, or to fit in with them, I don't think you are ever going to.

Everyone does seem so accepting when school starts. In my school at least that fades and the clicks form.

actually, it does seem that these college kids fit that stereotype pretty well...


I don't by any means drink just to fit the stereotype of typical college kids, I drink mainly because it just relaxes me enough to not be so nervous, and not quite so noticeably odd. I do manage myself pretty well after drinking, I rarely black out or do anything too stupid. In fact I really act almost no different, even when I'm hammered, i still have people tell me I'm too quiet, look angry, or must have a problem with them for whatever reason. I guess you could say I drink to numb the pain of a social event that I otherwise wouldn't be able to get through. that way at least i stand some chance of meeting people right? I am getting to a point where it takes tremendous amounts of alcohol for me to feel it anymore, because i drink frequently, even by myself if i can... Its difficult because i cant rely on it as heavily as i used to. Its hard to explain what i mean by that but basically i used to be able to drink maybe 7 or 8 beers and feel pretty good, so i would just maintain that buzz throughout the night. nowadays its too difficult to get that same buzz without risking drinking too much. I have been trying lately to lay off the alcohol, i know if i don't keep it in check by the time i turn 21 it will just be too easy to become an alcoholic. although Im finding it easier and easier to get the stuff, many of the places i go to wont I.D. me, and if they do i have a fake one, so its kind of a bad situation. It's a waist of time really, it never quite makes me forget all the loneliness, jealousy, disappointment, regret, and all those other lovely side affects of being an aspie go away like it used to.

on another note, I find it much more effective to be with a crowd of people that's already drunk, but not necessarily drink myself, if i want to to pass off as normal. I learned my lesson though, never, ever will i go to a party too early again. I think if i had at showed up about at 10:00 which was about when the kegs ran dry (so my friends say) it would have been a different story. i feel much less intimidated by super drunk people if you know what i mean. you can do or say anything and they just laugh it off because their so messed up anyways.

all in all though, if i wasn't drinking at the party, i would have been sitting in my apartment with one or 2 of my other friends getting drunk just to get drunk.

Everyone is different. You sound similar and different in some ways.

I know what you mean by un-nervous and calm. I felt the same way. I could get really hammered and yet I always acted normal. Or at least what I thought was normal. And it felt more "normal" than when I was actually sober. All that gibberish and insecurities inside me it seemed just disappeared and I just "flowed" like everyone else and I felt more confident. I felt like a different person. I felt like myself. I felt like I had a clear head. like nothing mattered. All those sensory issues just disappeared and I felt at ease. Not giving a f**k about anything and being buzzed is the way to go felt so f*****g good. I just Wish I could feel that all the time, but I cant.

Honestly I am not trying to preach or pretend I am wise. All I am saying is the image of college is very seductive and it kind of robbed me of developing myself. I held on to it for too long, and as a result I think thats why I didn't really grow at all while I was in college. I really wish I would have just been honest with myself, who I am and studied really hard. Met the people I should have met, gotten embroiled in the interests I should have been interested in. Paved the roads I should have paved. I really wish I could just start college over again and I would do everything different. Who cares if I looked like the biggest dork? NO I really wanted to be confident and social like my peers. I didn't want to be known as a nerd.

I feel like I am so far away from my peers. The kids my age 22-23 and even the 3 -4-5 years younger than me all seem older than me because they have more experiences. The students just starting this year seem to be light-years ahead of me socially/self-maturity wise than when I first started and even as I am now. I feel like this really insecure nobody. I never had a High School. I didn't experience anything. I was a loner. I really didn't have more than 1 or 2 friends if that and I would have never admitted it.

Once college started and I moved away everything from growing up and HS seemed like it was history. I had the chance to start out new. But I wasn't really honest with myself and It was a wasted opportunity. I got scared and wasn't really myself and closed down whenever I had an opportunity to get into a relationship with a cute but a little strange girl. I probably seemed a lot stranger to other people. I had a lot of opportunities to get to know girls but I just didn't have the "it" inside of me to actually know enough about myself to be confident.

It seems like most people are past that by the time they get to college. Most of them had relatively normal growing up and High School experiences so that moving away and starting college are about what they should be. It seems like a lot of these "drinking, partying" students fall into that category.

As much as I have tried, I will never be that. Thats not what I am. I am different and I know it. I really feel like I am 15 right now. I might as well be 15. And now 5 years ago feels like a distant dream.....like it never happened.

I am not blaming drinking per say, but it did play a part in the whole "myth" of college and the "myth" of the person I was trying to be.

I think college is an experience. Living away meeting new people, self-discovery blah blah blah. But you have to be at a certain point starting college to get there. I wasn't. Truthfully I wasn't anywhere near close.

still I could have gone an appropriate route, gotten into academics, been friends with all the really nerdy people, hung out at libraries all the time, and worked out at the gym as much as I could. If I would have looked in the right places I could have gotten girls left and right. But I didn't. Instead I just clammed up inside myself all over again like I did in high school. Closed myself off.

Whenever I opened my self, some strange/bizarre bad occurrence or experience always happened, and I couldn't explain it much less deal with it or know how to deal with it. So I closed myself up.

I really have never been in a relationship, never been anywhere near close. Only been on 2 dates in my life. Only kissed 3 girls and none were sober occasions for either of us. Its really not because girls aren't attracted to me.

I don't know maybe if that doesn't sound anything like you.....if you weren't a loner in HS, if you actually have gotten somewhere with girls maybe you are closer to having the "stereotypical" college experience...then go for it if it really feels like its you. Is it really you? If you can't tell, that might be some indication to go another route.

Chances are there are other people that were like me at my school, but I just didn't bother. I wanted to be more than myself. But It was a failed attempt because I wasn't anywhere even near close to knowing who I was in the first place.

I really just don't want anyone to end up like me....to feel what I feel.

you seem to really get where I'm coming from. most of the time I really still don't feel normal even when I'm drunk, I just don't care as much. I know what you mean though about hitting that point where everything is just much easier and you feel like everyone else. I'm not trying to just fill the stereotype, the thing that attracts me to these events is the possibility of meeting people, and an excuse to get really drunk and try to forget about everything for a little while. Problem is I know the likelihood of making friends at this type of party is very low.

I had a pretty close to normal high school experience, i had about 4 friends and enough acquaintances to not look like a nerd at lunch and between classes. however, i never had any friends in my classes so during class, i was a total loner. after freshman year I never made any new friends. I never went to any parties. I never even came close to having a girlfriend. In fact the most physical contact i have ever had with a woman is a hug, and that was once, over two years ago. I couldn't honestly say I have ever even completed a conversation with a girl. It really eats me up that I'm wasting my youth because right now I look pretty dang good, I just don't have the confidence or social skills necessary. I see fat/ugly guys with super hot girls all the time and it makes it very obvious what it takes to get a girl, and that's something i just don't got!

What you're doing is stupid. I don't even need to explain why, it should be obvious.

Yea, I can agree with that. It is what it is.

I think the important thing is if your comfortable with yourself sober. If you are then you don't have to drink, but maybe you do want to. I don't see a problem with it, but it isn't a tool that gets you very far all it is just fun.

Those college-party types for the most part seem comfortable with themselves, socializing, class and whatever. They are confident with themselves, they can meet new people, breeze into relationships ALOT f*****g easier/smoother than I can. They don't need to drink before they socialize. Yet all they want to do is drink drink and get drunk. That should tell you something about them. Some of them are really dumb and shallow that way. Most will probably just outgrow the phase, because they have OTHER stuff going for them. BUT YOU DONT see that! All you see is them drinking and partying, and you think thats what works. They will eventually get serious about university/hobbies or just dropout. A lot of these people ARE COOL people who I recommend you try to make friends with. But make friends with them in class. If you don't talk to them and then you see them at a party its just going to be a drunken "hey your that guy from class" CMON' do you really think thats going to go anywhere? All your going to be is a random acquaintance thats basically all I have been.

This is less about drinking and more about just being who you want to be and getting involved in what you want to be involved in so you can feel good about yourself. It's good to hear you had a good HS experience. I didn't, and I believe that HS is a stepping stone to College. If you weren't successful in HS, then you are going to have to adjust and really better yourself. It is not going to come naturally.

I am just going to say Flat-Out that if you were successful in college (In all areas: academic, social, activities, health, staying focused etc) ITS because you were at least fairly successful with those areas already in High School. You were on a progressing level. Anyone can challenge me if they want. I just don't see how turning 18 moving away from home and starting college is going to change anyone that wasn't successful in any area in HS.

4-5 years from now and your talking to some random girl you like and she asks you what did you did last weekend, are you really going to be proud to say you "got drunk"? Is that really going to make you confident? Not saying she isn't going to be impressed.....SHE MIGHT be who knows........but its really about you. I would rather say I went mountain biking/kayaking/played sports or said I was studying hard or working.

I am just trying to say the whole college facade does wear off and then its time for you to shine or die. I had a miserable waste of a college experience because I didnt experience anything. I kept to myself and kept my problems to myself and without really ever opening up I couldnt mature. I was f*****g light-years away from ever being anywhere near any of my peers, Not then and not now. I don't really think I know how to open up. When I look back it was almost like I was failed from the beginning. I had no clue and no understanding about anything. HS was a waste for me. Yeah I know I have potential to be really smart and talented, but now its going to be so much harder because I dropped out and have to work s**t jobs long enough to save up some money so I can try to go back.

I could have just done that in the first place when I had a free ride. My parents paid for everything and know I have 5 years of bad habits to try to kill. It felt like I was maturing because I was drinking and smoking weed.....no what a fail

So yeah man this really isn't about alcohol is bad blah blah. Just try to study really hard and feel good about yourself. College parties and drinking aren't a good outlet. People who are on this forum in the first place probably aren't going to feel comfortable in those settings anyway. If its not you then its not you. It might be you but I doubt it. I was just trying to be "normal" when I was enrolled, and it didn't get me anywhere. This is really one of the first times I have really felt the need to give heartfelt advice. I really don't want anyone to waste college like I did. I can't tell you what to do or not to do only that you should be honest with yourself. I mean getting drunk at a party and hooking up some chick at a party sounds awesome but its not realistic for me. Thats someone else.

but yeah as far as drinking goes. If you are comfortable in your skin, doing well in school, maybe got a girl, have good friends and your life is just "chill" then yea thats the dream you have nothing to worry about and the perfect time "chug chug chug".
good luck - lightening023

yea, i understand what you mean. I know its all just stupid stuff and everyone grows out of it, although i have met a few older folks that don't. the thing is my classes right now are super easy, and i have allot of spare time. I'm in a new town now, I left my garage, my ATV, all my projects, and my boat in my home town and I have nothing to keep me busy up here. I feel like i am making progress now though, i am talking to a few new people pretty regularly. I don't want you guys to get the wrong idea, i am not trying to really focus on all this partying business, i just have so little else to do I figure I should just try it out i guess. by the way, allot of these people at these parties don't even go to my college, so i doubt there will be a "hey your that guy in my one class" situation, which is good.

Yea, I was pressured to rush into a frat by my friends. I'm glad I didn't even though my social life still sucks - damn AS.

Yeah I had a chance to Rush/pledge for a frat too. But really? Thats not me. Is that the endeavor which I put my faith in to "change" me? I mean really?

I have drank and smoke enough times for the novelty to wear off, and the paranoia/anxiety/sleep apnea and depersonalization to seep through. It is disturbing and it isn't me. It just isn't me.

I have been to enough parties, and nightclubs, seen the people who inhabit those venues. That just isn't me. I have to drink like an idiot just to shave away those cringing feelings of being way f*****g uncomfortable. The style and fashion of those people, the ability to just "dance" and not be "frozen". There is something there in each person I see at those places, and it just isn't in me. That's not me.

The kids my age in my classes, just were on a different level. It seemed like from the first day and nobody knew each other, and then at some point they mingled and went from A to B. This process always escaped me. Just like a guy can meet a girl and then by magic they are together a few days later. What? I still have no idea how that happens, I was just the guy sitting alone. I have tried believe me, but somewhere along the line, I know that that isn't me either and I am wasting my energy feeling frustrated.

Even in my classes of interest, My Major, the same mystifying process was happening. I tried here and there but I lacked something very basic, but very essential to to being able to try in the first place. There were a smaller number of students in my major classes, BUT f**k I don't know I couldn't properly mingle there anyways.

So really what the f**k is me? What the hell is my thing, and why do I have the feeling that I am so far from finding it.

Why is it that I can't f*****g experience anything in life? All I have is just thousands of cringing memories. f**k them. Why is there a million different parts of that contradict each other and made me feel different from today and tomorrow?

If I was 15 or 16 this wouldn't be so bad. But I am 23 and I can't help but constantly beat myself up for not having any idea. Literally any idea whatsoever about anything about myself, where I am going.

What do I have to do? Where do I have to go, what do I have to go through that will "change" me or finally bring the "it" out of me?

Moving away to college 5 years ago didn't do that.

I mean thats not really selling myself short is it?

Shouldn't someone just be honest with themselves?

I mean I have never gotten anywhere with a girl sober. The reasons behind which are so complicated and deep that I just can't f*****g understand. That means that I already know that doing drugs and going to an orgy is the most UNLIKE me thing I can possibly do. I don't need to do it to be 100% sure. "How do you know unless you try" does not apply there in any way.

I felt the same with the frat to a lesser extent but yeah.

But where is "me"? If I can say this this this and that are not me, then where is "me"?

I can't really go anywhere in life without making progress on this. I can't complete college. I am stuck. Depression is killing me.