Combating becoming overwhelmed
I'm currently in the second year of my undergraduate degree and I've been doing really well until this point. This is my first year studying full time since my first attempt at a degree that went horrifically wrong. Academically I'm highly capable. The things that is hindering me most, is time management.
Our last term finished early because of flooding and the disruption completely threw me off to the extent I am still struggling to get back a normal daily routine. I also had a lot of assessments to do over Christmas, and ended up pretty much doing them all in the same week because my brain just lost all sense of time off my planned schedule. As a consequence I've started a new term with new timetables and new modules with the hangover from doing my assessments.
I've missed so much stuff in the last two week, more than the last term combined. I'm trying, I honestly am but I've been so tired, getting headaches and feeling sick. I actually had to pull over I didn't feel safe to drive the other day on my way to the university. It's not that I find the material difficult, it's that the workload is heavy enough I need a very precise routine to manage it, and my routine is being disrupted so much, I'm having to add stuff to try and catch up- I've reached a point I know I need to do something because I can feel some of the pre-breakdown stuff I had the happened the first time I tried a degree (before I was diagnosed).
I'm supposed to have a mentor to help with this stuff but he missed all our meetings last term and hasn't contacted me to schedule any for this term. And to be honest I don't want to see him because I kind of don't trust him now, even though that is probably very unfair to him. I've signed up for counselling with the university and should hear back soon, but I just HATE watching my performance dip when I know I'm capable if everyone would just stop for a few days and give me a break.
The more I get anxious the harder I find it to concentrate and I hate it because I know I'm good at this. But I feel I'm going from star student to the ones tutors hate because I'm constantly late and missing deadlines and forgetting deadlines because I can't function off routine but I haven't the time or space to design and implement a new one.
I am determined I will not be beaten. I will get the marks I deserve. I will figure it out. But right now I'm emotionally exhausted and I just need to talk to someone who gets it.
My parents are lovely people but I was only diagnosed a year ago and they don't really get it. Only when I'm outwardly stressed do they kind of realise they need to help me out and I struggle so much with talking to people about it.
I feel very lonely because I feel I'm trying my best but all people see is failure and I just want one person to turn to me and be like- you know what, I'm proud of you. I am proud that you still got your assessments in. I am proud that you're only two days behind that deadline. I am proud that you are working in groups and making efforts to socialise and by goodness I'm proud that right now you're here getting good marks and progressing so much when three years ago you couldn't even cook yourself a meal and were self harming nearly every day.
I know I can make it over this difficult patch but I'm just so exhausted I kind of want people to be soft and nice and encouraging like I'm a three year old or something. I need more emotional support basically. But I don't know how to ask for that or how it's appropriate to explain to tutors in a way that isn't -please don't hate me I'm trying.
btbnnyr
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Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago
The biggest problem seems to be not being able to function off-routine.
Routines are good, but they can also be too restrictive and prevent you from getting things down, and college life doesn't work well with too much routine.
My suggestion is to get rid of routine until you get caught up with school work and feel like you have a handle on things.
Just focus on getting things done and focus on the moment of doing things like your homework or project.
Once you get caught up and feel in control again, you can bring back some of your normal routine, but I wouldn't be too strict, it is maladaptive to have a strict routine.
Basically, I think you have to fight yourself in your mind to let go of routine and focus on school work to push through this rough period.
As an eggsample, I had some disruptions today involving going somewhere that I wasn't planning on doing, which screwed up my plans for what I was supposed to do for my sunday routine, but I said fark routine and did my problem set that I wasn't going to start until tomorrow, and now I got most of it done, all the hard parts, and just have to write it up to turn in by thursday, so this is how letting go of routine benefited me today, it wasn't comfortable, but it produced results, and now I have more time during the weekdays to do what I was going to do today, which is some research code that is much more fun than homework.
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Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!
