i just broke down

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I was studying for my lab tomorrow and all of a sudden I just broke down. I'm on Prozac right now and I thought it would help stabilize my mood a bit but I guess the stress of school was just too much for me. In this lab, we're basically pretending to work with health care practitioners while teachers act as simulated patients. I have to memorize drugs, pretend to counsel a patient with a predetermined rubric which for the life of me I can't remember for the life of me. I'm already bad enough with social interaction. Talking to a patient is another battle. And when they were correcting me on stuff I should say in this situation or that situation, I was just sitting there like a dumbass. This doesn't come naturally to me. Also when I have to speak in front of professors, I won't always remember everything and I was thinking about how I sound when I speak. I hate the sound of my voice and a lot of times I feel awkward when I'm trying to form words, like there's some sort of barrier. Then I started worrying about how I'm so different from others, even people on the spectrum. I'm worried about whatever traits I have. So it led to me breaking down and crying and I am still wiping my tears as I type this. I just wonder if a job in the medical field or even a retail job is for me? It just seems like to make it in life you have to interact with people and kiss ass but I can't do it while hating myself at the same time.

♥ Imouto-chan ! ♥

Don't hate yourself. I still love you (older-brother-to-younger-sister context of course) !
I already know for a fact that drugs will never ever be a permanent-solution to mood-control.
What you need to do is take several deep breaths as you close your eyes,
breathing all the way in and all the way out, then simultaneously direct your emotions with your mind...

...with your mind, command any negative or depressing thoughts to leave your mind,
and imagine that you have a direct mental-link with our Creator, ask our Creator to assist you,
perhaps via use of The Star Prayer as written and designed by The Messiah as follows...

The Messiah recommends Thrice a day, but I say to just keep on repeating it as many times as needed until you feel your emotions finally calming down, and to get into a habit of using this Practice any time you feel negative-emotion.

P.S.: Not all jobs require a lot of social-interaction. You might try the data-entry route instead for now.

Who is this "Messiah" you're referring. If its Jesus we're on the same page. I'm asking because it sounded kind of cultish and vague and I don't know what your religion is. Anyways it did help I guess. My self perception is slowly becoming more positive. And yeah not all jobs require a lot of social interaction but the ones that will allow me to make a decent living and pay off my expensive student bills will require at least some (at least that's what my mom says). Ironically you do have to enter a lot of data as a pharmacy technician. You just gotta deal with bitchy customers too.


Anyways I went to lab today and I was really nervous as I was walking to my professors, but I guess my voice wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Also, I got a 100 on every section of the lab, including my quiz grade for memorizing drugs and side effects, something I really struggled with. I really prayed for something good to happen to me. I will admit though that social interaction still makes me want to puke a little bit but I feel better than I did last night.

The Messiah is indeed the man known to have been Jesus before.
I am also not particularly religious in the Traditional sense of the Definition of Religion.
I am also opposed to all forms of cult-followings (especially the deadly Cult/Religion called State/Government).

Wonderful ! I am glad that my beloved F-絶対領域-imouto-chan is feeling less over-whelmed !< ♥ hugs F-ZettaiRyouIki-imouto-chan! ♥ > =D

Alright, well, this needs to be said... Diplomas and Certificates and other such learning can be done, obtained, and accomplished for free these days, even MIT offers free courses with certified/accredited Diplomas for completion of several of their courses (did I also mention that they were free to register for ?). MIT is not the only school that is doing the free on-line courses service either (and its courses on Crystal-Technology are not merely tutorials on You-Tube but actual, complicated, prerequisite-required advanced material at the post-graduate levels, past 400s and even into the 800s for difficulty and complexity !).

Additionally, you could learn how to set up a professional-style protocol of selling products on-line, such as via the Amazon platform. Speaking of which I need to schedule some time into my appointment-book to allocate solely into listing a couple hundred ISBN's over the next week or two if possible (I would otherwise be focusing a significant amount more time on it to get maybe 1000 items that I need to sell listed in the next week but the corruption in this State has gotten so bad that I am forced to allocate significant amounts of my time into creating Legalese-documents).

Glad to hear that you have found something that works for you. Now to Edit my Signature...

Alright, well, this needs to be said... Diplomas and Certificates and other such learning can be done, obtained, and accomplished for free these days, even MIT offers free courses with certified/accredited Diplomas for completion of several of their courses (did I also mention that they were free to register for ?). MIT is not the only school that is doing the free on-line courses service either (and its courses on Crystal-Technology are not merely tutorials on You-Tube but actual, complicated, prerequisite-required advanced material at the post-graduate levels, past 400s and even into the 800s for difficulty and complexity !).

Additionally, you could learn how to set up a professional-style protocol of selling products on-line, such as via the Amazon platform. Speaking of which I need to schedule some time into my appointment-book to allocate solely into listing a couple hundred ISBN's over the next week or two if possible (I would otherwise be focusing a significant amount more time on it to get maybe 1000 items that I need to sell listed in the next week but the corruption in this State has gotten so bad that I am forced to allocate significant amounts of my time into creating Legalese-documents).

Glad to hear that you have found something that works for you. Now to Edit my Signature...[/quote]

In your honest opinion, do you think these diplomas/certificates are marketable? This is news to me. I feel like I worked a little too hard for the past 15 years

Why, yes, absolutely, my dear imouto-chan. How-ever, out in the work-world, marketing yourself is about how resourceful you are at being able to market and demonstrate your abilities than mere paper-certifications.

For example, I had come across articles before that mention about how Google now hires its employees based on their capabilities, not on whether they have a piece of paper that says that they know something (Statism is a bunch of paper-worship anyway... which are false-idols that The Messiah warned about a long time ago). Basically, you say that you can code/program an entire A.I. robot of your own skill-level, and Google-employers ask you to show them, rather than taking the word of a diploma or certificate by itself. They have found that people with college degrees were actually less qualified to do the jobs than the self-taught people (regardless of whether these self-taughts were college-graduates or not). Just watch a few of those «college is a scam» or «college is a waste of time» or other academics-bashing documentaries and read all the comments to get an idea for yourself just how worthless that route is for most people.

I was thinking about even going ahead and embedding one of them right here right now, but then I decided that it's better to embed something better, the difference between book-smarts versus street-smarts. Colleges are generally entirely book-smarts and most of them seem to mostly lack any sense of street-smarts. Colleges are also more accurately described as Indoctrination-Centres rather than Academies of any actual Learning.

You actually do have a point. As a science major, I feel like I've been indoctrinated to believe certain things or do things a certain way. Even in my lab for example, they tell us to talk to patients in a certain way and I always wonder how realistic it is. Or we end up talking classes that have nothing do with our major. I do know if the dean of my school saw this he'd hand you a tin foil hat and call you a conspiracy theorist.