Realizing that people make me sick more than ever

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Indominus
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05 Feb 2018, 8:59 pm

I realize now that the world doesn't give a damn about people's lives, but rather enjoys their suffering.

I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have people coming at me in different kinds of directions. Some online on forums and others in real life.

To start off with today, given how snowy it was in upstate NY, I asked my roommate to see if he could take me to the gym for my phys ed class (it's mandatory, so it sucks). He said yes, but rather than stop at the gym, he stopped at the library which is at the opposite end of the hill. He parked next to a car and given how broken down it is, I opened it but it touched the other door (and we all know how those turn out in terms of insurance). And trust me, I had a good grip on the door so I knew what I was doing. However, a couple hours later he then insisted on bothering me that I left a "dent" and left a sticky note regarding his apologies and how it would go on his insurance. We both argued and then he insisted on taking responsibility. After mentioning to him my responsibilities such as chores, work, and school, he then said that they meant "jack s**t", so after all that effort of mentioning to him everything, he put it down.

Next, I had people on reddit giving me a hard time, as well as an anime forum that I might have to close down. Nobody ever talks to me anyway so what's the point. Plus, I don't think I really like anime at all. Only 5 or 6, so to speak. Which seems reasonable now than it used to be.

Not only that, but the people in clubs I'm in (peer tutor, student government, and history), save for the latter third, are just terrible, toxic, self-centered people that only see others as rivals and competition to their ego, but it doesn't surprise me one bit when people are like this sometimes. I only wanted to help people. But it seems that all these people care about is something that'll look "good" on their resume.

Even my family is going through terrible financial pressures. Although we have overdraft protection, my mother is $-500 and my Dad doesn't do s**t.

Teachers don't give a damn either and my counselor probably hates now because she realizes that she can't help me anymore because her counseling is ineffective for people like me. Or at least, that's what I believe she thinks. I don't know, I feel like people hate me. I plan on seeing the psychologist again next Friday (which is my birthday, I'm turning 20, that sucks). Our last meeting didn't do so well. I went on a rant on how upset I was and how I feel like a wallflower or alone and the rest speaks for itself.



Indominus
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06 Feb 2018, 9:29 am

It's so hard being alone.



kraftiekortie
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06 Feb 2018, 10:20 am

All I can say is: it isn't that simple.

I believe people care---but most of the time, they care to a limited extent.

People give a damn----but they don't usually give a damn enough to sacrifice their own well-being for someone else's.

That's why I've learned not to rely on others for my happiness or anything, really.

It's not as extreme as you perceive it is. It's not an "all-or-nothing" sort of world out there.

But I can understand, from your standpoint, why it might seem the way it seems to you.



Indominus
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06 Feb 2018, 12:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
All I can say is: it isn't that simple.

I believe people care---but most of the time, they care to a limited extent.

People give a damn----but they don't usually give a damn enough to sacrifice their own well-being for someone else's.

That's why I've learned not to rely on others for my happiness or anything, really.

It's not as extreme as you perceive it is. It's not an "all-or-nothing" sort of world out there.

But I can understand, from your standpoint, why it might seem the way it seems to you.


It's obvious that people do care to a limited extent and I'm not expecting people to sacrifice their lives for me. I don't want anyone to. But I guess the whole thing's situational for me, especially when you say it's not an "all-or-nothing" sort of world out there. But for me, it kind of is.

Being here at college gives me so much insurmountable pressure being here. Although both parents are working, they are $-500 despite the fact that they have overdraft protection. We all live in an apartment now while I'm in college and my sister will be graduating high school this year. Financial aid and parents are pressuring me to pass college so I wouldn't be ridden with debt and make sure that I'll be able to graduate on time. I'm invisible no matter where I go. And I'm starting to dwindle on whether or not if it's just me or the people I'm with or people in general. Though the last third, despite being extreme, might not be the case.



kraftiekortie
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06 Feb 2018, 12:45 pm

I don't remember if you stated your GPA---but if it's 3 or above, you have no problems in terms of scholarships. Are you on scholarship?

You mentioned that you've done lots of extracurricular activities (I mean productive ones).

I guess, if your GPA isn't very high, that the only thing you can do is try to raise it. As far as I can recall, you're still a freshman or sophomore. That gives you more opportunity to raise it.

I had trouble when I started college, too. I started at a very old age: 36.

The thing I did: was to follow the syllabus precisely. Never fall behind.

And attend 80% of your classes. I would say, in most cases, that mere proper attendance guarantees you a "C."



Indominus
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08 Feb 2018, 9:11 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't remember if you stated your GPA---but if it's 3 or above, you have no problems in terms of scholarships. Are you on scholarship?

You mentioned that you've done lots of extracurricular activities (I mean productive ones).

I guess, if your GPA isn't very high, that the only thing you can do is try to raise it. As far as I can recall, you're still a freshman or sophomore. That gives you more opportunity to raise it.

I had trouble when I started college, too. I started at a very old age: 36.

The thing I did: was to follow the syllabus precisely. Never fall behind.

And attend 80% of your classes. I would say, in most cases, that mere proper attendance guarantees you a "C."


3.30, to be exact. And I applied for scholarships back in December, so we'll see how that turns out. Plus, I attend my classes. Staying absent for one day is kind of a death sentence for the policies in my class.