Girl trouble, emotional abuse, need advice

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Okay.

(inhales)

So... there is this chick. Smart, interesting, cute, but has no direction in life. We share the same clique, but no classes, so we never really have any "bonding moments". Nevertheless, I'm attracted, and she might have a slight, non-existant interest in me. Possibly. I hope.

So I'm observing her, and I charge in, assperger-style, saying "Hey, you look kinda sad."

She tilts her cell phone to me so I can see the text on the text message she got.

She said it was her boyfriend, and it read:

"stop being such a dramatic c***"

I try to console her, saying she can talk to me anytime, she accepts.

That was a week ago.

Her reactions and other coincedents made me research emotional abuses within relationships. I planned on calling a hotline but when I got around to it, I dropped the matter, thinking, what's the point?

Today, my same group of friends hung out, and I managed to get two-minutes alone with her, where she incorporated the fact she had a boyfriend into the conversation.

Later tonight, she mentioned she was moving to North Carolina to live near her boyfriend.

Both of us go to college in Pennsylvania.
Here's the rub:

I'm positive I can change her mind. Positive. I just want to know how.

I'm worried for her. Has anybody freed themselves or others from abusive relationships?

Recipie for trouble my friend. As much as you may want to help your friend it's not worth it for your own sake.

People can say whatever they want, but you can always believe the things they do. Could the "abuse" be some sort of role playing they're engaged in, of which yanking your chain happens to be a part? Why is she moving in with him if things are really so bad? I don't see anything you can or should do here. She's an adult. If her situation is really so bad, she'll leave it on her own.

It's possible the boyfriend doesn't really exist. Maybe she put the text messege on the phone to show someone (you) just to get attention, and the moving away bit is to see if you'll pursue her. What does she really mean by all this?

Oh man, I'm sorry that's happening to you. I have been in a really similar situation, so I know how much it must suck to be in your shoes. In my case, a girl that was everything I could ever ask for (and more) came into my life but there was a catch... she had an emotionally abusive boyfriend. He cheated on her multiple times, used her for money, and manipulated her to staggering levels. To this day, I have no idea what a girl like that sees in a guy like him. Long story short, in the three years I knew her, she broke up with this jerk multiple times, only to come crawling back for more. During these little hiatuses, I did my best to try and get her to hang out with me and others. The answer was always "We'll see", but nothing ever happened. We shared a love of music, so I made mixed CD's for her (nothing too sappy), which she loved. I never once commented on her boyfriend. I took the stance of "You say more by saying nothing at all" when the topic of him came up. As beautiful and nice as she was, the thing that made me fall for her was the fact that she listened to me. Not just waited for her turn to speak, but genuinely listened to me. That kind of person is rare in this world, and as an undiagnosed person with AS, it was heaven on earth to have someone all ears when I would talk about all my weird little interests and go off in bizarre tangents. She didn't think I was weird, she thought I was interesting. So I loved talking to her, but I'm afraid I didn't let her get a word in edgewise at times (WE have a tendancy to do that). Eventually she broke up with her boyfriend for good and things between me and her were at an all time high. I felt secure enough with her that I was going to tell her about my AS (it would clear some things up) and I knew it wouldn't affect anything between us. One day, I got word that she liked me back (finally!!) but then some unforseen circumstances arose and she dropped out of my life without warning and didn't reply when I tried to contact her. This happened only two weeks ago. I'm just starting to feel better. My advice, watch out for the beautiful ones, and find someone who appreciates you for who you are. I'm afraid that nice guys really do finish last most of the time. But in the long run I think we'll find someone right for us.

It sounds like this girl is headed for a bad experience if she moves down there. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a bad situation to get people to wise up. In my situation, the girl moved in with her boyfriend only to move back home a month later (but she continued to see him). I was genuinely afraid he was being physically abusive to her and not just making threats and I almost got her help (like you almost did). I'm almost mad that I didn't do it. Anyways, I stayed single for three years just to get a chance to have her as my girlfriend, but... never happened. I still have great memories of us. Even if I didn't win the war, I won a few battles. In conclusion, she was the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.

If you really do think you have a chance to change this girl's mind, tell her not to move due to impulse. Tell her if she has a single doubt about doing it, she shouldn't. And tell her she's amazing in every way. That her physical beauty is just the tip of the iceburg and that you hope she finds someone someday that truely appreciates her. That's something I wish I would have done.

But in all honesty, it's best to drop it, no matter how badly it hurts. Don't drag it out into years like I did.

Akajohnnyx: Didn't you tell her that you liked her more than friends? Maybe she stopped having contact with you because she had strong feelings for you and thought you only wanted to be friends? The friendship sounded pretty good. Why else would she suddenly disappear?

I wish I would have said it. I dropped plenty of clues. But maybe she wanted to hear it outright.

I'll definately tell her to wait. Thanks, Akajohnnyx.

I think the best way to help is to talk to your friend see if you can find out what happened. To me on the surface that one incident is no big deal I hear people talking like that to each other a lot. Sure if there is more going on do something otherwise stay out of it.

Bwahaha, she's a bunghole; not worth your time

Don't wipe somebody's a$$ for them, especially girls with aggressive boyfriends. They need to learn not to go searching for pity and look for better boyfriends. Most of them have themselves to blame for finding jerks attractive.