I hate myself for not being good enough...am I just...

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I hate myself for not being good enough...am I just......discouraging myself? I have one year or 2 left to decide.

I want to go to Harvard, Yale or Oxford or Cambridge and I think I'm wearing myslelf out with this issue. I sometimes get depressed that I can't mingle with people and gain enough community service hours that will please Ivy Ieague because of my AS. They want people who fit in and autistic people don't especially those who have AS.

You see this is my dilema:

To get to these schools I'll have to do an extra year in another school to get my qualifications up to date. But I feel I'm going to be rejected by them for taking an extra year. By the end I'll have done 7 years of high school while others may have done 6.

I told someone that I want to go to these schools and he laughed at me and said "you'll never get that" - he is only doing ONE subject this year while I'm doing a maximum of FIVE but the words still taunt me...

How do I focus on my goal?

I dont know about Harvard or Yale, but I am not sure that Cambridge and Oxford want 'people who fit in'. On the contrary, people who went there have told me that I would have really suited going to Cambridge (at the time I just wanted to be normal and went to a normal university), they are more open to eccentric people and would have probably allowed me to start immediately after coming out of psychiatric hospital (in the event, Sheffield made me wait a year - a wasted, boring year with no intellectual stimulation and just menial jobs). I dont know about this community service thing - they do like you to have extracurricular activities I think, but there is no need for these to be social things.

Thanks for your advice so far...I'm just a little sensitive about this issue...

YES! Hating yourself for "not being good enough IS discouraging yourself. You are only as good as you think you are...and if you think you are not good enough, thats exactly what you'll be.
The person who told you that you'll never get into those schools...don't listen to them. People who discourage others are really just unsure about their own future, or life in general. Forget about how many years you've done at high school, it's not about that...it's about the potential of a student and likelyhood of succeeding.
Even if these schools don't accept you, it doesn't mean you are a failure. It just means that the schools aren't right for you.
How can you focus on your goal? In my opinion, if it's not something that your motivated/focused enough to do, it's not something that you really want to do.

In the mean time, TAKE A BREAK!
Rest for a while and stop all this worrying. It's not healthy and YES, you WILL wear yourself out with this if you don't slow down.

I feel your pain, brother.

When I was in high school, I was obsessed with getting into Harvard or Princeton, and it was a big mistake. I ended up getting great grades (second in my class at a very competitive school), near perfect scores across the board, and I even had one killer extra curricular. I was rejected from both schools, and although I did get in another Ivy League school (which I eventually went to) as well as MIT, I felt like I had worked so hard and that I was not properly rewarded for my efforts. Looking back, I really had no idea how to "play the game" like many of the kids who do get into those schools. Plus, I didn't have enough ECs. Anyway, that's beside the point... the point is, I am glad that I tried hard in high school, but I did it for a lot of the wrong reasons - EGO and PRESTIGE being the main ones. And here's the real kicker... in the end, I have absolutely NO idea what college was going to be like. I probably would've been happier at a smaller liberal arts school with a little more attention and "community" feel to it, but I can't regret the experiences I've had. Basically, there is a good chance you are going to spend years of your life worrying about this and either A. not get in or B. get in and be really disappointed with what you find at your supposed dream school.

My advice: keep working hard in school, but put some of that mental energy elsewhere, and don't be anxious about it. You'll be a lot better off in the end.

Eh, I got rejected from Harvard and Yale, got into Oxford. I'm going down to U of Miami next fall. Don't think you have to go to the most prestigious school in the world, in many cases the schools everyone's heard of and ooh's and ah's at aren't even that good.

In truth, as long as your school is reputable, your undergraduate school is not particularly important. Your performance, writing samples, letters of recommendation, internship experience, and GMAT/GRE/MCAT scores are far more important for continuing graduate education. Only the most prestigious undergraduate institutions differentiate themselves in this regard. As for graduate education, it's much more important to find a school that excels in your area of interest, than to find one that is considered a big name in common cultural parlance.

At the end of the day, what matters are your goals and the experience you need to attain those. That being said, I would suggest worrying less about what schools accept you and more about what you plan to do at the school you inevitably attend, because with a record like that, someone is going to offer you a nice scholarship. You are good enough, and probably outstrip most of my students. Good luck with your decisions.

Some goals are too high to reason but sometimes they aren't. I decide to go to college like at the beginning of my senior year in high school. I choose to apply to George Mason, James Madison and Mary Washington (All VA universities). Well Mason was to first to contact me that I got accepted in. Madison and Mary Washington denied me but Mason was my first choice anyway. Funny thing it was the year that Mason made its Cinderella run to the Final Four. It was great to become a student of Mason and its diversity among its community. The point is that dreams can become true in the end if you put in the effort.

I have the same problem.
Whenever I do something sub-par, I have to punish myself.
If I use incorrect grammar, I have to beat myself four times.
If I get a bad grade, I stab myself four times with a pencil per bad grade.
I can't help it.
I have OCD as well as AS, so that's obviously a huge part of it.

I'm really sweating college, because if I don't get into a prestigious college, I'm going to feel like I failed at life.
I'm a little afraid I might resort to suicide.

I'd rather be waist-deep in debt with a job that I love, than debt-free with a job that I really don't care for.
My parents don't have much money, but I'm willing to go into debt for a long time for a good job.
But honestly, in the field that I'm going into, it's all about what college you went to and who you know.
I'm an aspiring film-maker.
I've already made an award-winning film that was shown at the Indianapolis International Film Festival, and I'll be 18 in less than 2 months.

Also, I'm currently in the process of going through therapy for my OCD.
I've already made significant headway.