why I cant complete college

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just being honest. No girls. zero experience. 21 and tons of other problems along with AS. 4 years into college and Im farther away from my goals than I was when I started. Just found out about AS last semester after being completely clueless awkward and frustrated, and now it feels like Im farrrrther away from where I start than ever before.

Try being able to sit in a college class and do your absolute best when you still feel insecure about being around girls and zero experience. Its just not possible in my scenario. I can still do decent but not my best. And therein lies the essence WHY bother unless I can do my best. Iv been a wreck in class with my wandering mind all of college and all of high school.

I just really want to start over start being able to do my best.

normal enough anxiety for a newly diagnosed frustrated 21 yo AS.


what would i do?

i would drown and get lost struggle on and complain.

what advice would i have liked at that age?

take a year off.
come bakc after a year out. you have invested 4 years, dont waste it.
see a shrink get therapy and learn to deal with it and adapt.

well...I am seeing therapy now......and I am taking a semester off...........so yea and I at the moment I still feel really frustrated with everything......................hopfeulyl things get better.

But I fear they wont. I know I have to MAKE them better. By force. I feel like everything I have to do to progress is by forcing myself. Things come naturally for other people but me I have to FORCE it. or less bam..........things stay the same

yeah its pretty dark immediately after a diagnosis.

it was the worst time for me.

it does get better , the effort you are making becomes habitual after a while.

take time off .....see therapy...best thing.

you dont see or realise it...yet....but your getting better, your doing the right thing.

remember non-AS people prefer politeness over honesty....they will talk s**t wether it is true or not.

your getting honesty from an AS person who has BEEN through what you have.

this isnt a pep talk or advice.

i been there too, mos tof use here have.

You're an Aspie. You are NOT supposed to be married and have kids. Forget about girls. Concentrate on getting a degree and a job.

I can't agree that Aspies aren't supposed to have kids or get married. But I do agree that you should concentrate on finishing and getting a degree first, you'll end up letting the desire for relationships consume your time. Its easier to get the things done that'll make you self sufficient, because self-sufficiency builds self-respect, and self-respect is the first step in building confidence that you'll need to succeed in finding a good relationship

I know I'm in a different situation than most of you, but I would try to stick with college. You might be insecure around girls, yes. But try not to let it blur your sights, your goals. You're only 21 - you have time. I know I'm not really in a position to give advice since I'm only in high school, but there's not much you can do minus a college degree nowadays from what I read on the subject...

I'll be honest with you, it's damn hard. I was lucky cause I didn't have to force myself to improve. My parents forced me on it when I was a kid. They trained me like a dog. Made me repeat things over and over. Forced me to communicate with people, learn peoples names, drilled into me the right things to say in a conversation. And every time I lost eye contact, they interrupt me to tell me to look them in the eye (which was REALLY frustrating if I was into a rant on some topic I was fascinated with).

But now, at age 20, when everything I've learnt is fully coming into fruition, I can actually pass off as an NT. People are shocked or surprised when I tell them I have Aspergers. As far as relationship spheres go I'm good enough with guys (I'm a girl) , and I have plenty of friends. And it's worth it. You don't have to sacrifice who you are, you can just learn to blend and adapt when necessary (which is a vital skill for survival).

My advice is to start training yourself. Be hard on yourself, push yourself, research and ask NT people you can trust the right kinds of things you can say in conversations etc (maybe your parents is a good start). And most importantly, get out there and make mistakes, then LEARN from those mistakes! If you hide yourself away and insulate yourself, or don't take risks, you'll never learn. I've made tons of mistakes and gone through many rough times socially (where i've been badly bullied, or everyone in the school hated me for something inappropriate I did or said) but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and makes you better socially.

It is a tough world out there, but you're equal to it. Good luck!

Also, it does suck that you have to force it, and I don't think it really changes over time. I hate how I always have to force things that other people don't even think about. And I hate how unnatural it feels. It never gets easier. But the choice is always yours to make. I think at each stage you need to balance up whether it's worth it, or whether you're happy where you are.

And trying not to sound too pessimistic, the upsides are great too!